I didn’t want to write about this earlier for fear of jinxing things and/or having too many of the same posts about thinking I have a nanny, and then finding out I don’t…but now I think we have a nanny.

I’d signed up for a different nanny site that costs $35/month but was pretty much the same thing as the $99/month one. I even saw some of the same people looking for nanny jobs. For some reason this site attracted more older caretakers (40-60s) so altho yes, there are a lot of 18-20-somethings who emailed me with interest in the position, I also got more people who are moms with grown kids looking for another baby to care for. I browsed credentials and experience first, and found one I thought looked great. Cheryl was local, knew a lot about child development, charts the baby’s progress for the parents, etc. I emailed her (among a couple of others) but felt so strongly about her I sent my cell # as well. She called me within the hour. We had a great conversation, I loved her, and she agreed to meet us the next day (last Friday) for an interview at 5:30p. We agreed to touch base in the day to figure out where to meet. I left Cheryl a voice mail with a suggestion of a nearby spot the evening we talked, no response. Friday, I waited until past noon and called her at 1pm and left another voice mail. No response. I called her again closer to 4p. I couldn’t believe it; things seemed to be going so well and she seemed so responsive and responsible. She finally called back closer to 5 and said she was on her way home from another family she currently nannies for (?!), and apologized for not getting back to me, but all the family members were home and she didn’t want to make a personal call while they were all hanging out. She said she thought about what I said I’d agreed to pay Susanne, $600/week, she figured that she’d be making $8/hour working for us. It was longer hours and less pay than the family she’s working for part time now for $16/hour. I’m not sure how she got $8/hr, because that’s not what we calculated it comes out to. But anyway, we know we can’t afford to pay $16/hour. She offered her friend Jessi, who helps her as backup for when Cheryl’s nanny families needed someone and Cheryl wasn’t available. Jessi doesn’t do this regularly, but has enjoyed helping out every so often, and the families have all loved her. She is also an older housewife whose children are grown, as with Cheryl. Cheryl said Jessi can at least fill in while we continue the nanny search so that I could go back to work without worrying about childcare. That’d buy me another month or so. I thanked her gratefully, and Jessi did indeed call me later that evening to offer herself to help out on a temporary basis. It was incredibly kind of two strangers who appeared to love children and who felt for me given the situation and timing Susanne’s decision put me in.

That Friday evening, however, as I went back to browsing the new nanny site, Mr. W sat with the calculator next to me. It appeared anyone who was close wanted too much money, or they had no infant experience, or were 18 (17 on one) and just loved babysitting for their neighbors’ kids, or they were emailing me from 50 miles away, or they weren’t available on each of the days/hours we needed. Mr. W said maybe we just weren’t the type of family who could afford a nanny for our baby girl; we’d have to throw her in daycare. I started crying as I tried to reconcile with what that means for my little Allie. I know she’ll survive, but I so wanted her to be a little older before she was in a public environment like that, and I wanted her to be comfortable in her own home, in her own room and crib, as long as possible. In the middle of my tears, a nanny emailed me. It wasn’t an email full of information about herself (usually a form letter), but stated simply that she’d like to have a conversation, and asked me to read her profile to see if we may be a fit. She’s a 52-year-old mother of two daughters (one teen, one adult), used to run her own in-home daycare when her girls were toddlers, had experience in teaching in Children’s Ministry. She seemed really nice, and something felt good about her. I emailed back that her email had found me at a low point where I was literally in tears in prayer, and that I’d like to have a conversation as well. I added my cell # and said that I hoped to hear from her soon. I heard from her in about 15 minutes. We clicked on the phone, I was still in my crying thing so as I told her my situation and timing I’d need a nanny, I cried a little more. She was very sweet and sincere, and told me she was interested but had a job interview lined up for the following Monday. We talked for quite awhile, chatting about our families, parenting philosophies, situations. She said she felt like she wanted to say yes. She agreed to come over the next day to meet us. Another first: Mr. W and I had her come to the house instead of meeting at a public location.

Laura came over when Allie was still napping, and we chatted in the backyard over brewed iced oolong tea (Mr. W) and freshly made peanut butter cookies (also Mr. W). She checked out all the stuff at our house and was interested in many objects she saw, such as the traditional looseleaf teas and tea sets (all Mr. W). She handed us references, we talked a little about money and benefits. She’d like to have health insurance but knowing it was $400/month, said she’d take care of it herself if we gave her a dollar more an hour than we were offering (a difference of quite a bit a month). We also agreed to give her paid holidays and some paid vacation. After other negotiation details, Mr. W calculated and the total number annually came out to be…close to my entire net salary. I was crestfallen, but she immediately touched my arm and said, “Well, we want to make it worth your while to go back to work. Let’s go back to $11/hour and we’ll say you’ll give me a raise when you can.” We were grateful, and altho that’s a lot of money weekly to pay, know that a good nanny is well worth over $11/hour. I’d love to find out we’re handling the expense well and be able to give her an annual raise. Meanwhile, I offered what I could: have at all the tea you want to drink in the house; don’t worry about housework, just clean up behind Allie and yourself; if your girls want to visit you here, they’re welcome to. She seemed happy with all that.
When Allie woke up, Laura seemed to love her, and almost didn’t want to give her back when I needed to take her for a diaper change and feeding. I took that as a good sign. As we were hanging out, she was learning where things were in the house and asking questions about routines, expectations, etc. And then as she left, she said, “I saw all the chalk drawings on the street from the neighborhood kids. I can’t wait to do that kind of thing with her!” I’d never done chalk on a street in my life (cuz we’re Asian), and Laura was shocked. She’s talking about tea parties, and playing outside when the weather was nice and making play-dough. OMG. Can I come over and play, too? Forget work. “We’re going to have so much fun together!” she told Allie. I took all that as a good sign she’s onboard.
Given what I had recently gone thru in my nanny quest, tho, I was still nervous when Monday rolled around and I knew she was meeting up with nearby Saddleback Church for the interview she’d previously committed to for a directorship position overseeing their children’s programs. I saw on Monday morning I’d missed a call from her. Dialing into voice mail, I tried not to freak out. But she was only calling to ask if it was okay if she didn’t come over as planned on Monday after her Saddleback interview, since she discovered this morning that her daughters were both going to be home that day and she’d like to spend as much time with them as possible, knowing she’d be away from home more often soon and at our house (which she said was only 10 mins away without use of the freeway). I called her back and we had a nice chat, and she said she also wanted to put my mind at ease that altho she was going to this interview as promised, that her heart presently is with working with us, and not directing thousands of kids and doing administrative work for the church. She also offered her home to us, saying that she has great floorspace for Allie to play in (we don’t have that at our house; the downstairs travertine tile kills it, plus our rooms are tiny) and we can sometimes leave Allie with her for whatever reason. I suggested that the twice a month when we have the cleaning crew come in for a deep clean, we can take Allie back to her house for a couple of hours while she waits them out. She thought that was a great idea. She wants us to meet her girls and said her girls want to meet Allie as she’d been raving about Allie all weekend.
And then later, after the Saddleback interview, I saw I’d missed another call from Laura. I again dialed voice mail trying not to freak out. It was again a cheery-sounding message, asking if it’s all right if she brings the girls by to meet Allie and take her afternoon feeding off my hands so I can pump. I called her back saying she had a late nap, but if they’d like to come over after that, they can meet Mr. W when he comes back from work, too. She was excited. So yesterday at 5:15p, we met her two beautiful daughters, who were equally mesmerized by Allie as Laura proudly took a mom-role and toted Allie around. Allie smiled at her, at her girls, laughed when the 17-year-old bopped Allie’s forehead playfully with Sophie the giraffe. Stepdaughter even happened to pop home briefly and got to meet them. Turns out Stepdaughter and Laura’s older girl go to the same college. I really enjoyed meeting Laura’s two daughters, too. They’re funny, smart, polite, friendly. Apparently they’re very close with their mom and all of them, plus dog, go jogging together early mornings. Sundays are family time, and they all show up. They talk about whatever’s on their minds daily. I hope to have that kind of relationship with Allie.

I spent almost an hour yesterday emailing all the prospective nannies who’d emailed me on the site to say essentially, Thanks, but we’re trying out someone and I don’t want to leave you hanging, nor interview/try out others behind her back. Good luck with the search. Given the responses I’ve gotten back from a lot of these potential nannies, it seems that people don’t often give the courtesy of not leaving someone hanging when they inquire about a position.

I spoke to Laura again today, time-strained at the time of Allie’s nap, about setting her up on direct deposit and with an online payroll company who will calculate and withhold taxes, etc for us. She said she’d be fine if we did her trial period in cash so it’ll give us a little more time to set up all this stuff and to get an employer tax ID. That’s a relief for us, and she seemed so grateful that I’m trying to get all this stuff done so that she’s not put out. She seems to think I’m so considerate, whereas I’m just doing what I’d said I’d do so she doesn’t wonder or doubt me. It seems like a great start that we’re not taking each other for granted and keep being pleasantly surprised. I thanked her for her flexibility, she thanked me for my consideration. She said she thinks I’ve answered her prayers as much as I think she’d answered ours. Apparently, my email felt like a Godsent to her, too, at her own time of need, at her own point of discouragement.

We’re starting her trial period next week to give myself a full week to transition. We’ll go thru the daily routine, she’ll start taking over period by period, and I’ll have to start leaving the house longer and longer so it’s not just BAM, all day on Monday as I go back to work. Laura told me to expect some separation anxiety, but that she’ll be saying hi to us all day on the baby cameras. She has no problem with them. Maybe I can actually go to the gym sometime next week, and get a massage, and maybe hit the chiropractor…