I feel like I constantly have to defend or justify my parenting choices and philosophy from people who feel I should or shouldn’t do what I’m not or am doing. It’s like the epidural thing — just because I had my reasons in not using it doesn’t mean that I’m telling others to choose my choices or that my choices are better than their choices; they were MY choices for ME given what I feel is right for my personal situations, and I feel like others who made different choices for themselves get defensive and bash me over the head and tell me my choices are wrong or stupid. One that I’d supported on all her decisions even if I wouldn’t have made those decisions for myself once said about one of my decisions, “How could you choose to do that? You’re crazy.” I was so peeved. I don’t tell THEM that about THEIR choices. Every decision I make is what I believe to be in Allie’s best interest, even if it IS a little to my own detriment, but I’m okay with that, and I’ve chosen that with full knowledge.

Okay, so I’m diligent in only going out AROUND Allie’s naptimes and getting her home in time for her naps, so I miss out either partially or completely on parties and events that take place during or thru her naps. This is temporary, and it’s to help her become a better rested, healthier, and happier baby. I see it in her. She IS healthy. She IS happy. And believe me, I’ve also seen when she was not well-rested, not happy, cuz she’s very loud when that’s the situation. I can not handle that level of stress anymore. Even hearing a random baby’s wail at work almost sends me spiraling into an anxiety attack.

Ever since the pediatrician suggested we put Allie straight down into her crib for naps now, Jayne’s done it at my direction, and Allie has even seemed to prefer NOT to be held and soothed to sleep. The past 2 days, that’s 4 consecutive naps, she’s leaned toward her crib (I’ve experienced this last weekend, as well) during her soothing period as if she’s asking to go straight in. Jayne reports that after putting Allie in the crib, Jayne leaves immediately and Allie complains or cries for less than a minute before she starts playing a bit by herself, and within 10-15 minutes, she lays down and goes to sleep. These naps have been between 75 minutes to 90 minutes each. To me, that means Allie is confident and mature enough to recognize and obey what her body needs without parental assistance or insistence. It was the ultimate nap goal for me — a baby so used to getting her sleep needs taken care of that she EXPECTS and WANTS to rest. Even Jayne remarks on the difference between happy rested Allie and tired cranky Allie. And the medical professionals are certainly happy with me. And I can’t even remember the last time Allie woke up in the middle of the night and needed to be tended to; if she wakes up with a wail here or there (probably from a nightmare), give her a minute and she’ll settle right back to sleep. (Knowing that about her, if she wakes up crying dramatically or continuously, I’ll know that she needs to be attended to, as opposed to waking up and calling for me cuz she wants to play or wants me to respond due to a night-waking habit.)

I’m hoping I have as much success this weekend. Regardless, we have plans to attend Claudio’s girlfriend Jenny’s birthday party after Allie wakes up from her 2nd nap and we’ll make sure we’re home in time to go thru her bedtime routine before bed. That doesn’t leave a lot of time between 4p, when the event starts, and 6p, but that’s okay by me. Allie’s needs come first, and it’s a good compromise. She’ll finally get to meet Uncle Andrae this weekend, too.