After work today, Vanessa and I hooked up to assemble James’ belated birthday present. I’d sent out an evite last week to James’ friends to meet up for a belated birthday dinner on Wednesday evening at Taps Fish House & Brewery. Vanessa and I figured we’d go above and beyond the hostessing of this event by making him a basket of treats, too. Here are some clues as to what we assembled for him.

* There’s a magazine in the collection. To help with his…”hobby.” He probably wouldn’t read it for the articles, tho.
* We included a bottle of performance-enhancing supplements.
* A rapid hand-jerking back-and-forth motion is required to take full advantage of some of the goodies.
* There’s wood involved.
* There are many little packets that you tear open to use the contents.
* There are lots of products meant to make you swell. Real big. And hard. Like a real man.
* Some products may result in frothy, milky fluid production.
* There’s plastic to wrap the wood in.
* We even included a cloth to put around the hips, you know, to catch the drippage.
* There are multiple single-use packages of long items for inserting into moist holes.

We can’t wait to present this big collection of goodies to James! We know he could use it! We just regret that we couldn’t get the inflatable sheep, but it’s on backorder. 🙁