Wed 27 Jul 2005
This is another email forward that endeared itself to me, not just because I’m an English Lit major. It’s even funnier if you’ve studied Hamlet.
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The big gripe at PTA meetings today is that such reading matter as Dick Dare and Dick and Jane are not important or educational enough for elementary school children. Here is how we propose first-graders be exposed to the world’s important literature.
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FUN WITH HAMLET AND HIS FRIENDS
See the man. What a funny man. His name is Hamlet. He is a prince. He is sad. Why are you sad, Hamlet?
“I am sad for my father has died,” says Hamlet. “My father was the king.”
Where are you going, Hamlet?
“I am going to the castle,” says Hamlet.
On the way he meets a ghost. “Where are you going?” asks the ghost.
“I am going to the castle,” says Hamlet.
“Boo, boo,” says the ghost.
“What is your name, you silly ghost?” asks Hamlet clapping his hands.
“I am your father,” says the ghost. “I was a good king. Uncle Claudius is a bad king. He gave me poison. Would you like poison?”
“Oh, no,” says Hamlet. “I would not like poison.”
“Will you avenge me, Hamlet?” asks the ghost.
“Oh yes,” says Hamlet. “I will avenge you. What fun it will be to avenge you.”
On the way he meets a girl.
“Where are you going?” asks the girl.
“I am going to the castle,” says Hamlet.
“Ha, ha,” says the girl.
“What is your name?” asks Hamlet.
“My name is Ophelia,” says the girl.
“Why are you laughing?” asks Hamlet. “You are a silly goose.”
“I laugh because you are so funny,” says Ophelia. “I laugh because you are schizophrenic. Are you schizophrenic?”
“I am not schizophrenic,” says Hamlet, laughing and clapping his hands.
“I pretended I am a schizophrenic. I pretend, for what? to fool my uncle. What fun it is to pretend that I am a schizophrenic.”
See Hamlet run. Run, Hamlet, run.
He is going to his mother’s room.
“Oh I have something to tell you, mother.” says Hamlet. “Uncle Claudius is bad. He gave my father poison. Poison is not good. I do not like poison. Do you like poison?”
“Oh, no indeed!” says his mother. “I do not like poison.”
“Oh, there is Uncle Claudius,” says Hamlet. “He is hiding behind the curtain. Why is he hiding behind the curtain? I shall stab him. What fun it will be to stab him through the curtain.”
See Hamlet draw his sword. See Hamlet stab.
Stab, Hamlet, stab.
See Uncle Claudius’s blood gush.
Gush, blood, gush.
See Uncle Claudius fall. How funny he looks, stabbed.
Ha. Ha. Ha.
But it is not Uncle Claudius.
It is Polonius. Polonius is Ophelia’s father.
What fun Hamlet is having.
“You are naughty, Hamlet,” says Hamlet’s mother. “You have stabbed Polonius.”
But Hamlet’s mother is not cross. She loves Hamlet. He is a good boy.
And Hamlet loves his mother. She is a good mother. Hamlet loves his mother very much.
Hamlet loves his mother very, very much.
Does Hamlet love his mother a little too much?
Perhaps.
See Hamlet run. Run, Hamlet, run.
Where are you going Hamlet?
“I am going to find Uncle Claudius.”
On the way he passes a brook. In the brook he sees Ophelia.
Ophelia is drowning.
“Where are you going?” asks a man.
“I am going to find Uncle Claudius.”
“Oh ho! I am Laertes,” says the man. “Let us draw swords. Let us duel.”
“I don’t think I’m going to find Uncle Claudius,” says Hamlet.
See Hamlet and Laertes duel.
See Hamlet stab Laertes.
See Hamlet’s mother drink poison.
See Hamlet stab King Claudius.
See everybody wounded and bleeding and dying and dead.
What fun they are having!
Wouldn’t you like to play like that?
That’s the funniest thing I’ve ever read. Though it doesn’t help me a whole bunch in writing my thematic essy on Hamlet, I think it’s taught me a lot on a personal level. Thank you, thank you.
Well, comedic relief always helps reset and refresh a tired mind! Glad you enjoyed it.
this was reallu weird it didn’t help me but it was fun to read
Kind of weird. Not really what I expected because this is the first time I’ve seen Hamlet. I really think I could handle a more challenging version (I’m in grade 2). I’m going to watch the play.
I’m sorry you guys came in here looking for something helpful on Hamlet and found a humor thing. But I hope it makes you smile. If you’ve seen or read Shakespeare’s Hamlet, you’d be laughing at this. =)
That’s the funniest Shakespeare I’ve ever read.
Classic, simply classic
This is perfect for helping me with my childrens book, its a nice way of telling and translating the complex writing of hamlet and alos making it enjoyable for younger kids
Thats the best. i have never laughed so hard in my life
I teach high school and reading this as an introduction to HAMLET always makes my students laugh and think that they too can understand the complex play.
This was clearly hillarious, i find it a bit rash for children and not quite the full experience for the play Hamlet, but it did give a laugh and helped me to have more wit in my child version of Hamlet. I am in grade twelve and honestly i would of prefered a more entertaining, but ethical novel, even if it’s along with the actuall portrayed copy. Thank you , your very creative…
Wow i’m reading hamlet in school right now, and got all obsessed about it. this is hilarious. i suggest we burn all old copies and study the character analyses in this version instead.
Does amyone know who first published this story?
Is it still or was it ever under royalties?
electra - no idea. I first got it (as an email forward) almost 10 years ago. As with most email forwards, there’s virtually no way to trace its origin, it doesn’t give credit to an author, and if it does, it’s probably false. Sorry!
i know it prbly didnt help alot of ppl but it definetly helped me pick out the events that happened in the story for my school project and it was pretty funny! :]