When I was a lot younger (like in junior high), my mom told me that the human mind is a remarkable thing. “Have you noticed,” she said, “When you’re asleep and you really have to pee, in your dreams you will run into all kinds of problems in finding a toilet, so you CAN’T pee? Like you can’t find a bathroom. Or when you finally could, all the stalls are taken and there’s a huge line. When you finally find a stall that’s empty, turns out the door’s jammed and you can’t get in. And then the toilet seat cover won’t come up. All sorts of bizarre things will happen to prevent you from peeing because your brain, on some level, knows that you are really asleep so it won’t let you pee.”

I told her that I’d never dreamt I had to pee urgently, because if I had to pee that badly, I’d wake up and run to the bathroom and pee. She said, “Watch, one day you’re gonna have a dream like that and notice that.”

Very soon thereafter, I was indeed asleep when I had to pee. But my dream immediately opened up with me already ON the toilet seat, pants down, ready to pee. I thought, “I shouldn’t pee, I should wake up.” And then I remembered what my mom said. “Oh, wait. I’m not gonna be ABLE to pee. Let’s see what happens in the dream if I’m not able to pee.” So I relaxed and pushed a little.

And wet my bed.

I woke up in a huff as soon as the first drops hit and angrily stormed off into the bathroom to clean myself. And to pee. My mom lost some credibility that night.