Yesterday was an eventful day. Mr. W and I went to the beach and had a nice private visit with Rebecca. She focused mainly on the baby stuff. She said she definitely sees a baby out of this so not to worry and keep holding back any expectations or excitement, I don’t have to have my emotions so “in check” or be so paranoid. She sees the anxiety going away the most around 7 or 8 months, because that’s when the baby is viable enough that it will survive outside of me and that’s when I can relax. I guess I am being super-careful. When I walk by a smoker I hold my breath so as to not let any evil molecules pass to the baby; if I’m in doubt about a fish, I don’t eat it; I read about some correlation between eating peanuts during pregnancy and the baby’s future peanut allergy, so I’ve decided to cut out all forms of peanuts from my diet; I’ve been flitting around the nutrition requirements of pregnancy and panicking because my collection of supplements doesn’t have enough of this vitamin or that mineral, wanting to increase my daily intake of pills (it really is ridiculous how many supplements I take a day now). Rebecca told me to not worry about so much detail.
I asked her at what point a person’s soul comes into the fetus, because sometimes I feel connected to him and other times I feel very strongly he’s around, but on the Other Side, not in me. She said it was a great question and she’d never thought of asking that, so she closed her eyes and “asked.” Turns out, the soul typically flits in and out at will until about 2-3 months, then it may decide to settle in and stay. She says as borne humans, what keeps our soul attached to our physical bodies is our breath. Fetuses at that point don’t breathe, so it takes more to stay inside that body; it takes their actual will to stay in. This is why miscarriages are common in the first trimester; a soul flits in and out and then decides something (timing and situation, maybe) isn’t just quite right for them so they’re going to abandon this attempt and come back later. So the fetus/embryo, for whatever reason, just stops developing, and then the mother’s body gets rid of it. She says because I’m intuitive, the times when I feel like, “Welp, me and Riley are gonna go over there and watch TV,” vs. times when I feel like Riley’s doing something for us from the Other Side but isn’t with me and I can hardly believe I’m pregnant, could very well be when I’m aware of his presence in vs. outside of me.
I asked whether Riley and I had any past history (lives) together. That was my court reporter’s suggested question. At first Rebecca said that we definitely knew each other, but that she wasn’t getting any specific info. We talked about that a few minutes and she tried again. She got pictures this time; I was his mother once before, and he was very much about “I’m going to take care of you, mom.” I said, “Aww, how Asian!” She said well, no, it’s not Asian the way I’m Asian now; he looked darker-complected with narrow features, she thought he looked middle eastern or Indian. She was confused what my nationality was, because my rotund and nurturing body was quite dark, with wavy hair, and she couldn’t decide whether I looked Indian or African. I may have been a mixture of both. We were definitely alone, there was no dad/husband in the picture. It is also very much in the Indian culture that a child will be nurturing to their parent when the child is capable of taking care of the previous generation. She said that in this incarnation, Riley has very much the same attitude; he wants to come to take care of me. That was always my mom’s purpose for wanting me to have children — so that I wouldn’t be alone and abandoned in my ripe old age. My argument to my mom was that I would have friends who treat me like family, but she said that’s different, they’re still not family so I’ll learn that she’s right. Mr. W’s take on this was, “What, nobody expects ME to be around to take care of you?” Ha.
Rebecca also said that my hacking sneezing unhygienic courtroom assistant is not going to get me sick, which is something I was hugely worried about, as the courtroom assistant is oblivious and walks around coughing and sneezing into the air, and refuses to take time off for being sick. She is chronically coughing, sneezing, sniffling. Rebecca said the current hacking and stuff is allergies to dust around her in the courtroom, and that obviously, when the courtroom assistant turns on her desk fan (first thing she does EVERY DAY), it unsettles more dust and blows them at her, so she’s constantly having reactions.
At a point, we sent Mr. W out so I could ask a hard question about him. I wanted to know what’s going on with his poor memory and inability to focus and find the right words. She said he’s had a lot more time than I had to be exposed to bad toxic things, like chlorine in the water, poor diet, etc. His brain’s performance is suffering from a lack of proper minerals, which minerals are greatly depleted from our earth (I’d read something about this some time ago) and is therefore missing from our food supply. She recommended some mineral supplements and said it won’t interfere with his other medication. So I’m definitely going to look into that. Mr. W asked later why we sent him out, and I did tell him all this. I said I didn’t want him in there in case she said it was beginning Alzheimer’s or something, because I feel I can handle it alone and don’t want to freak him out. But luckily, it’s just a lack of nutrition interfering with brain function. He said it sure would be nice to be able to focus and think of what he wants to say again. I’m just relieved that 10 years from now, I won’t wake up next to a horrified Mr. W demanding I tell him who the hell I was and where was his wife?

After our session was my coworker’s session. Mr. W and I wandered around the beach town, walked the pier, and came back to meet up with everyone after they were finished. While we were out, Stepdaughter texted Mr. W and said she needs to pay $700 to her church to reserve her plane ticket for a week-long missionary trip she wants to take with her church women’s group (not the “cult-group“) to Haiti. She had brought this up to us before and asked what we thought; Mr. W didn’t say much but I thought this was the perfect time in her life to do this, and it would be so educational for her to leave the cushy OC environment she’d grown up in. She said she would fundraise to come up with the thousands it would cost, so this sudden request for $700 came unexpectedly. Mr. W right away said he wasn’t expecting to pay for her and we’d be gone all day, so maybe this year isn’t her year. (Stepdaughter had suggested the same thing in her text, that she knew how difficult it’d be with our baby expenses and her mom’s moving expense for either parent to help her out, so maybe this year isn’t her year to go. She was asking each parent to pay half, $350.) Everything in me told me Stepdaughter NEEDED this trip, and I started on Mr. W. I said I would give her the $350, I wouldn’t miss it, and I really feel that this IS the best timing for her. I argued that she doesn’t go, she will lose the motivation to do something for herself such as getting a job and fundraising, and she’ll just dick around all summer with the ridiculous cult-group and be the perpetually spoiled OC girl. He finally agreed, and said it’ll just be between me and her that we do this and he’s not going to stand in our way or have anything to do with it. I agreed and texted her right away. She was so grateful and relieved, and said that now her mom would pay. “And the process begins! I know the rest will be provided! And this is such a blessing and an incredible opportunity that I’m NEVER going to forget! Thank you thank you thank you :)”
I wrote back “I have a gut feeling this is something really good for you & the timing is ideal. No school, husband, kids, job. & I feel you will learn, it will open your eyes, & it gives you a goal for fundraising.”
She responded, “Thanks Cindy. Yeah I feel the same way! And I’m so determined to work for this too…not just fundraise but also get a job within the next 2 weeks to help pay and stuff…thanks for the support too!!!”
Since we were now back at Rebecca’s office with our coworkers, I told Rebecca about Stepdaughter and her desire to go to Haiti on a missionary trip this summer. Rebecca immediately closed her eyes to “ask” and then said, “Yes, she can go to Haiti. This is going to be a LIFE-CHANGING trip for her. They’ll be focused on, ‘Let’s preach this and that to them,’ and SHE’ll be more like, ‘How can you talk about that now? THEY HAVE NO WATER! What can we do? We need to get them clean water!’ She will grow tremendously from this trip and her life will take a turn. Maybe something with Peace Corps.” I had that same feeling! Rebecca said, “Well, you know! You’re intuitive.” (To skip ahead, after we got home that night, I handed Daughter the check. She was on her way to her mother’s for dinner and to get her mom’s half, and she told me her mom was “upset.” I asked why. Turns out her mom had hinged her contribution on Mr. W, saying she’d only pay half if Mr. W pays half, and she was “shocked” when she learned that Ana got her half from us. Appparently mom’s plan was to put it all on Mr. W, expecting him to say no, so that he would be the bad guy and not her, but since she set it up as “I’ll pay half only if he pays half,” she was now obligated and called on her bluff. I asked Daughter not to tell her mom that the money came from me. She said of course. She also told us briefly about the “Haiti Training” she got from church, how hot and difficult it was, how dirty, and they drank from simulated dirty water which was water with dark food coloring. She was VERY disconcerted about the dirty water.) I also brought up a concern about Daughter’s involvement with the “cult-like” religious group. Rebecca said the group sounded weird, but that it didn’t matter; they were just a part of Daughter’s journey and had no direct influence on Daughter’s fate. Her life and her learning was her own, independent of them. WHEW!

Around that time, my coworker returned from the restroom and joined us. She looked so much better, and just seemed lighter after her session. One of her close friends, another coworker (we’ll call her Coworker 2), went halfers on the hour-session with me and had gone in with Coworker 1 for moral support and to take notes. The four of us went for a nice seafood lunch nearby, and the Coworker 1 treated us all, insisting that this would be a celebration of her recently deceased mom’s life, and a celebration for the new life starting in me. Afterwards I thanked her for feeding my kid, and we parted ways.

Mr. W and I walked to the coffeehouse to meet up with Rebecca again for her open session workshop. Soon, my jubilation was increased as Idlehouse came by (I’d told her the next time she was in town, to let me know so I could tell her if Rebecca would also be in town for the free coffeehouse workshop; Idlehouse had a phone reading with Rebecca about a year ago), followed by my court reporter, my stepson (!!! by himself, too!), and Maggie and her hubby. It was great seeing everyone, and meeting Idlehouse in person. Everyone asked a couple of questions, including the Stepson. Afterwards, I walked Idlehouse to her husband’s car, where I waved at him, and smiled at her sleeping toddler in the backseat. What a lovely family. Then I rejoined Mr. W and his son. I asked what Son thought of his first dealing with a clairvoyant, and he said it was really cool. (I was afraid he’d been bored.) He want to come again for the next time. Yay! Son’s been growing up a lot in the past months, and I like the person he’s becoming now. He’s less contrary, seems at peace, and much more open. He’s been working out nearly daily, and Mr. W joins him at the gym whenever possible. The two of them bonding is probably what made Son come on his own to meet us at the coffeehouse that day. He also said he has outgrown the ghetto boys he used to drive down to hang out and do less-than-legal things with all the time. AND, he’s now coming into the realization that the universe is bigger and more inclusive than he’d previously thought, and that’s brought him some comfort.

After leaving the beach, Mr. W and I drove to my parents’ and dropped off the giant earthquake survival kit we’d made for them. They were shocked, saying they expected a little first-aid kit (which was also part of our giant survival rolling duffelbag). I said no, we’re making sure they survive for weeks given a huge disaster, but that if nothing happens in a year, to remember to break open all the food in there and eat it all. They said they’d have an emergency food party.