cindy's world

Is today a productive day? I worked out at lunch, got a haircut after work, paid a bill online when I got home. Turned down another guy from my past who wants to try again. My house is still clean from my efforts last weekend, not even enough laundry to fill one load. No good TV on.

I feel empty.

I hope tomorrow will be better. My jujitsu instructor left me a voice mail today inviting me to go work out with them at another studio in Orange tomorrow. I think I need to go, just to keep myself from going crazy.

USPS Label/Receipt Number: 0304 1560 0005 4094 0535
Detailed Results:
Delivered, August 03, 2005, 6:40 am, PITTSBURGH, PA 15250
Acceptance, August 01, 2005, 1:04 pm, NORWALK, CA 90650

YAY! I hope to see my passport soon.

I was talking to a friend earlier, and he told me about the death of some guy who had a beastiality fetish. The guy apparently went up to some farm that caters to beastiality fetishes and he was being screwed in the butt by a horse, and because horses are really well hung, he ended up with a ruptured colon and had to be rushed to the emergency room, where he died from its complications.

But when my friend told this to me, he didn’t say that the guy went up to a beastiality fetish place. He just said the guy went to a farm and got screwed in the ass by a horse and that gave him a ruptured colon. So I was really confused, and I asked, “Wait, how did the horse get his clothes off?”

He said, “No, you ‘tard! It’s a beastiality farm! The guy went there TO get screwed by a horse. A horse didn’t come up to him and say, ‘Hey, how you doin’? Can I buy you a carrot?’ ”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I’m STILL laughing at that mental picture, and this conversation was over an hour ago! You know how sometimes something someone says just hits your funny bone and every time you think about it for the next year, you bust up? I can’t stop laughing! I re-read what I wrote and I laugh! HAHAHAHAHA! Omg, I’m sweating, I’m laughing so hard! *gasp gasp* *tear falls*

While sitting in the mechanic’s empty waiting room/office as my car was getting its screeching brakes replaced, I rifled thru my purse looking for a bar napkin on which I had written the recipe for a Sexy Alligator. I pulled out a wad of square bar napkins, folded collectively in half, from the front pocket of my purse. In the first instant, I recognized them as doodles and notes my ex had drawn and passed to me when we were at a bar with his friends after the first time we’d broken up and were talking about how to work things out. On four napkins he’d written “I miss u”; doodled a few heart balloons with happy faces in them; written a fancy “Pookie2”; drawn a sad face with an arrow going thru it with a broken heart underneath; written the message “I’d rather sit in silence with you, than listen to all the noise with them.” In the next instant, I placed the timeline together that he’d drawn these the night before he and “the boys” went to Vegas in September, 2004, and mere days from the creation of these declarations of love for me, he would be in Vegas, meeting up with his student that he carried on an entire relationship with behind my back (whom he’d sworn up and down throughout the relationship that he was in zero contact with, and then when I found out differently, he yelled at me that “on principle” he can talk to whomever he wants and it’s none of my business since he’s not doing anything wrong), and they would make out in Vegas and she would perform oral sex on him in his car in the parking structure of a Vegas hotel, even as I sat at home and believed his words, sobbed to me through uncountable phone calls that weekend, redeclaring his love for me and his desire to leave Vegas early so that he could come home and be with me.

Less than ten seconds after unfolding these napkins that I used to treasure, I crumbled in tears. I only found out this May that the girl was in Vegas with them on that trip. Knowing what I know now about his betrayals in the relationship, so many treasures and happy memories are now tainted and rancid with the stench of decay and lies. I guess I’m not over it yet.

Since the past weekend has been so hot, I started dropping two cubes of ice in my cat’s water bowl. My Asian genes won’t let me turn on the central AC to cool down a 2-story house just for me and the cat, so I mainly hang out at home naked. One such day, I looked over to Dodo and thought if I’m this hot and I’m hairless, then my poor kitty in his little dense fur coat must be suffering. So I dropped some ice in his water. He very happily licked the bobbing ice from the bowl.

So now, he would come up to me and do his “I need something” meow. I’d get up, and he’d lead the way to his food area. There’s food still in his bowl, water still in the water bowl, so what could he possibly want? He just sits there staring straight at his food/water, waiting. The first time, I added a tad more food in the food bowl, but he didn’t make a motion toward it and just sat there staring. So that wasn’t it. I shrugged and returned to the couch. He came back, did the “I need something!” meow more urgently, so I again got up and followed him. He again led me to the food area. I finally got it and dropped the ice cubes in. He instantly positioned himself over the water bowl and lapped eagerly.

Man, does this mean that in the wintertime, I’m gonna have to nuke his water for him?

Horoscope:
In chess, all the other players on the board are nearly defenseless once the queen is in play. You and your friend have a similarly powerful and deadly weapon in your arsenal that can neutralize this potentially tricky situation once and for all, especially if you act in concert. The trick is to deploy it carefully and selectively. So what is it exactly? Hint: It’s smaller and a lot subtler than you think. Oh, all right — here’s another hint: ‘Kill ’em with kindness.’

I just started research for my book today (meaning Sunday). Wow, am I in over my head. 5 weeks is definitely too ambitious, unless I break it up into volumes. The difficulty is that all the background information I gathered today was in Chinese, so I needed my dad to translate. His English isn’t that great, so we sat there with a Chinese-English dictionary between us, plus his reference materials and artifacts written in Chinese, and struggled. I can say that my dad has a lot more patience than I do. I learned a lot, and most of all, I learned just how little I know. Looks like I’ll have to gather objective background historial information on my own during the week, get the subjective versions on the weekends from my relatives, and piece the story together sometime in the future.

I am nervous about the reception of this book. I am protected under the US Constitution for free speech, but I don’t know how the Asian underground works for things like this. I don’t want to get shot. I may be forever banned from setting foot in China, but it’s not like I’ve ever been there anyway. Asians are sensitive about their history in regards to each other, and I’m about to write negative things about the Chinese Communists and the Japanese.

I’m actually really surprised I’ve never heard these family stories before. I wonder if the family was emotionally scarred by all of our political history.

“Friends” was playing on DVD when I put my nose into the little glass sugar bowl. (Don’t ask.) Right then, Chandler said something funny and I laughed, blowing sugar all over my face and the front of my body.

Little girls are made of sugar n’ spice n’ everything nice.

… Perhaps I should go get ready for dinner with my parents and cousins’ family now.

How bored does someone have to be to drink the remainder of a bottle of cough syrup? By remainder, I mean roughly 2.5 tablespoons (7.5 teaspoons). I’ve decided I need to cut back on alcohol, since I don’t like the way my stomach is starting to look. Not that I drink much. So maybe it’s all in my head that the 3 drinks I had this week are sitting on my stomach. I wonder how many calories are in cough syrup.

Man, I’m losing it. I think it’s cabin fever. As soon as my load is out of the dryer I’m hittin’ the gym.

I’ve already had two very nice conversations today. The first was a 1.5 hr phone conversation with someone I hadn’t really talked to before. He instantly “got” my sense of humor, responded with his own, and pretty much anywhere the conversation reached, he was able to follow and/or lead. That was great! I like talking to smart people. He also had this uncanny way of tapping right into the heart of certain personal issues that I don’t even acknowledge to myself. They’re theories I’ve reached and then locked away about why I react a certain way to certain things, but nothing I’d ever admitted aloud. But he just jumped right into them. “You do y? Did x ever happen to you in your developmental age?” Uh…why, yes.

The second with was an old friend. I’ve known this guy since we were 12. I was sitting like a lazy slob on my couch watching some Lifetime movie about a woman who had an affair with her best friend’s 18 yr-old son (played by Brian Austin Green), and the phone rang. “Where do you live again?” my friend asked. He was minutes away. ACK! I ended up meeting him at Jamba Juice in Brea and we drove over to BJs Pizzeria to chat under full-blasting AC. I hadn’t seen this guy forever, since he moved to Northern Cali when his company offered him some ridiculous 250% raise and a promotion. The first thing he said when I walked up to him was, “What are you, living at the gym now?” Huh? I looked down at my attire, Happy Bunny t-shirt, short skort, heely sandals. This doesn’t pass as a workout outfit, does it? “You look great!” he announced. Oh! You always get brownie points for that kind of opener. We had a good 1+ hr chat about our lives, our investments, our properties, before he had to jam to Pasadena to compete as a blackbelt in a karate tournament.