February 2006


I’LL BE – Edwin McCain

The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath
And emeralds from mountains thrust toward the sky
Never revealing their depth
And tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I’ll be captivated
I’ll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

And I’ll be your crying shoulder
I’ll be your love suicide
And I’ll be better when I’m older
I’ll be the greatest fan of your life

And rain falls angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed
And you’re my survival, you’re my living proof
My love is alive and not dead
And tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I’ll be captivated I’ll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache, that hang from above

(Repeat Chorus)

I’ve been dropped out, I burned up, I fought my way back from the dead
I tuned in, I turned on, Remembered the things that you said

(Repeat Chorus)

The greatest fan of your life

I finally listened to other voices in my head today at lunch. I guess telling oneself everything’s okay, everything’s okay, only works for so long until the reality of things is waved in one’s face like a banner, thereby forcing one to confront it, at least in one’s own head. It doesn’t taste very good. And it’s all just very sad, and very tiring.

I had this toy when I was a single-digit-age kid. It looks kind of like a hammer or a mallet, except instead of a metal piece on the top of the “T”, it’s soft plastic, with accordian-style fold creases, such that when you hit it against a surface, it pushes air out and the toy squeaks. On my little plastic hammer toy, one side of the hitting thing was green and the other was yellow.

I bring this up because that toy is what I want to HIT YOU GUYS WITH when I go to your blogs in desperate need of entertainment and you guys haven’t updated in days, some of you in WEEKS. This trial is so painful and grueling, mostly from the defense attorney’s lack of brain cells, that the Spanish interpreter here today said to me upon my return from the restroom, “I was going to ask you whether you had gone to the restroom to kill yourself by slitting your wrists, and I wanted to ask you to leave a blade for me.”

Come on, guys. Lean your heads down. *WAP!* Squeeeeak! *WAP!* Squeeeeak!

When I try to go into my gmail account to check email, I can sign in like normal, the little window pops up to say some security thing or other, I click that “yes,” I want to proceed, and then it just loads a blank white screen. 🙁 Anyone have any suggestions? Other sites (like this one) loads just fine so it’s not that internet has abandoned me. I’ve already cleared my internet cache (cookies, files and search history), restarted the computer, same thing.

I’ve resolved not to consume anything with calories after 6:30p, based on going to bed around 10p, so that I wouldn’t have unused food in my stomach turning to fat as I sleep. At 9:30p tonite, however, I had just finished a bowl of Breyers cherry ice cream (w/chocolate chunks), so I needed to stay awake for a bit longer to burn off the food. I figured I’d get online and do what I’d been meaning for awhile to do — add a new category to the sidebar of this blog to cross-reference all posts with original personal photos. Just short of 2 hours later, I’ve gone thru all 568 posts and completed the “photos” designation.

I think I can go to bed now. I was really sleepy about half an hour ago and now I’m not so much, so I hope I didn’t outlast my body’s desire to sleep.

Since I didn’t post on Saturday, I’ll post some photos from Christmas in Vegas, 2005 to make up for it. (See December posts for event details.)

Incidentally, this is also why I’m no longer allowed to work for Santa.

Greg had pushed me a bit to do the San Diego marathon via IM (after he invited me on here), and today I open gmail to find that my childhood friend Vicky had sent me a registration to sign up for the Los Angeles marathon. Hmm. Should I be doing marathons? Maybe training to run 23 more miles than I normally do within 3 weeks will help me drop some weight. Or drop a limb.

Today, I received at work a letter from the check company that screwed up my checks. It was addressed to Danielle Rudd again. Despite their NOT calling me the next day like they said they would, I thought it was the SASE they said they’d send me to return the erroneous checks, so I eagerly opened the envelope. It was a bill. Yes, a BILL. Something to the effect of Dear Danielle Rudd, your payment for your recent check order did not sufficiently cover the cost owed, but instead of delaying your order, we processed it anyway and delivered it to you and anticipate an additional payment of $6.90 soon. Like they’re doing me a favor!

Argh, if I was on the fence about completing my order with them, I’ve changed my mind now. I’m so gonna order checks from my bank directly and pay three times the amount.

For those of us who meet more people than we’d like to admit thru the internet, who have ever wondered, “If this works out, what will I tell our kids about how mom and dad met?!”

A little boy goes to his father and asks “Daddy, how was I born?”
The father answers, “Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway. Your mom and I first got together in a Chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via Email with your mom, and we met at a Cyber-Cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a Download from my Hard Drive. As soon as I was ready to Upload, we discovered that neither of us had used a Firewall, and since it was too late to hit the Delete button, nine months later a blessed little Pop-Up appeared and said: You’ve Got Male.”

Got this via email from a friend, guess I’m gonna have to change a lot of my language:

Memo: Cussing at work

It has been brought to management’s attention that some
individuals throughout the company have been using foul
language during the normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to
complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended,
this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do however realize the
critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings
when communicating with co-workers. Therefore, a list of 18 New and
Innovative “TRY SAYING” phrases has been provided so that proper
exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

1) TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don’t know what the f___ you’re doing.

2) TRY SAYING: She’s an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She’s a ball-busting b__ch.

3) TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do t his?

4) TRY SAYING: I’m certain that isn’t feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No f______ way.

5) TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You’ve got to be sh__ing me!

6) TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with…
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.

7) TRY SAYING: I wasn’t involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It’s not my f______ problem.

8.) TRY SAYING: That’s interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f___?

9) TRY SAYING: I’m not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won’t work.

10) TRY SAYING: I’ll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the f____ didn’t you tell me sooner?

11) TRY SAYING: He’s not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He’s got his head up his a__.

12) TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.

13) TRY SAYING: So you weren’t happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.

14) TRY SAYING: I’m a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: F___ it, I’m on salary.

15) TRY SAYING: I don’t think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.

16) TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This job sucks.

17) TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the h___ died and made you boss?

18 ) TRY SAYING: He’s somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He’s a pr_ck.

Thank You,
Human Resources

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