I’m very excited, for today is D-Day. What’s D stand for? Donnerstag? Yes, it IS in fact Donnerstag (Thursday in German), but more than that, it’s the night when, if you’ve been a very good girl or boy, you get a personal visit at home by Dwaine! It’s kinda funny when we planned this because we both woke up on the same morning thinking that we miss hanging out with each other. So he’s visiting what he calls our “Castle” for the first time. We’re gonna have dinner on the lake!
But as I’m a very nice person, to alleviate everyone else’s jealousy over my D-Day (I STILL have coworkers talking to me about how hot the twins are at our wedding!), here are some funnies to brighten up the rest of your quickly ending week.
Lawyer joke from my judge:
The prominent middle-aged attorney was walking in the woods when he heard a booming voice from above say, “You are going to live to be 100.”
That must be God speaking, the attorney thought. Immediately he began doing good deeds, figuring out that he now had ample time to make amends in order to enter Heaven. But as he left the homeless shelter where he had just volunteered an hour of his services, he was hit by a bus and killed.
Coming face-to-face with God, the attorney protested, “You promised me I was going to live to be 100. Instead, the very first day I did a good deed, I got hit by a bus and here I am. Why?”
“I didn’t recognize you,” replied God.
“Sharing Peanuts” from my coworker:
A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of senior citizens down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times.
When she is about to hand him another batch again, he asks the little old lady, ‘Why don’t you eat the peanuts yourself?’
‘We can’t chew ’em because we have no teeth’, she replied.
The puzzled driver asks, ‘Why do you buy them then?’
The old lady replied, ‘We just love the chocolate around them.’
**Moral: It pays to be careful around old people**
This morning, I made turkey curry, wrapped spoonfuls in croissant rolls, and baked curry croissants while Mr. W played a game on his computer.
(rest mouse pointers over photos for captions)
First, chopped onions are sauteed with ground turkey. Then curry is dissolved in hot water and stirred into the mixture, and simmered.
Then spoonfuls of the turkey curry are rolled into the croissant dough.
Then the croissants are ready for the oven, which has been pre-heated at 375 degrees F.
15-20 minutes later.
Really. Who needs an actual camera anymore when the cameraphone is easier to grab, click, and load? I just take my 2gig card out of my camera, stick it in the computer, and here are the photos.
After I was done baking 4 pans of the stuff, he was still playing his game, so I got bored and fell asleep in the La-Z-Boy next to him. Then I woke up, he was still playing his game, I complained once again about being bored, and as nothing came of it, I fell asleep yet again. The next time I woke up I was totally stir-crazy so I went upstairs and got dressed to go to the gym. When Mr. W saw me about to leave, he suddenly decided he wanted to go work out, too. But in the garage he somehow convinced me to take a bike ride first.
Turns out, we’re a 2.5 mile scenic bike ride from Cook’s Corner! I was too exhausted by the time we got there (hills, man) to enjoy it, and I also didn’t want all the bikers to snivel at our idea of “biking”, so I declined Mr. W’s offer to drop in for a drink. Instead, I chugged from the water bottle I had on the bike and we went back home.
We’re going to the gym next, because this morning Mr. W realized we don’t have hot water. As in, when you turn the hot water portion of the faucet, nothing comes out. Cold water runs fine, tho. Weird. The plumber for our home warranty isn’t available till Monday, tho, so that means showers will be taken at the gym. Yay. This reminds me of when Diana and I didn’t have hot water at our senior year apartment one day because the building was working on the boiler, so to get ready for our morning class, we brought our toiletries and went to a restroom in a building on campus. While brushing our teeth, she paused and looked at me through the mirror and said, “I feel like we’re homeless.”
Last nite’s dinner: Caramelized Onion and Mixed Wild Mushroom Soup with Blue Cheese Toasts
If this doesn’t look appetizing, blame my cell phone cameraphone. But it was crazy-savory! I used 6 hand-picked wild mushrooms: shiitake, black, oyster, wild boletus, and porcini wild fungi! I also finally got to use my cooking rice wine. The toasts are made from broiling sliced fresh French bread with gorgonzola cheese on top, a little sage sprinkled atop the cheese (after broiling so it doesn’t burn; I had to stop Mr. W from sprinkling prematurely, trying to be helpful).
I am slowly learning that making dinner for 2 is not enough to feed the husband. So today’s project: curry turkey croissant rolls. I’m making 32.
Mr. W and I went to take care of some business with our rental property manager Tom on Tuesday after work. We somehow got on the topic of being unfairly pulled over by the police, and Tom told us that when his son was 17, the son had borrowed the grandparents’ van, picked up some friends, and went to a local 18+ club. His son is the very responsible sort and always returned home before his midnight weekend curfew. This day, however, it was about 1:30 a.m. when Tom was woken up by his worried wife. The son hadn’t come home. As this was before the age of the ubiquitous cell phone, the parents made phone calls to each of the son’s friends’ homes, only learn from other frantic parents that none of those kids had returned home, either. So now at 2 a.m., our manager was out trolling the streets, even passing another of the kids’ fathers doing the same thing. Not seeing any accidents or oddities, Tom returned home at 2:30 a.m. to see that the van was now in the driveway and the son was inside talking to his mother.
Turned out that as soon as the son drove out of the club’s parking lot, they were pulled over by local sheriffs who, without telling the kids what they did wrong, had all of them out, searched, sat them on the curb, and then searched the van. Eventually, not finding anything, the sheriffs allowed the kids back in the van to go home. Tom was furious at this violation of the kids’ civil rights and drove his son over to the sheriff’s station the next morning. He ranted and raved to the sergeant in charge, saying that the officer did not have good cause to pull over the kids but did so anyway and detained them for hours for nothing. The sergeant called in the sheriff who pulled the kids over, and the sheriff explained that it’s often the case that when kids come out of that club, they have just purchased or sold drugs, and that the pull-over was to make sure that the kids in the van were not hiding drugs. There was still the civil liberty, no-good-cause stop issue, so Tom demanded a written apology from the sheriff to each of the kids who were in the van, saying these were good kids who don’t do drugs and don’t even drink. And the sheriff did it. Tom was obviously a hero to the other parents, until the next day.
The next day, before returning the van to his own parents, Tom decided to wash and clean the vehicle. He stuck the vacuum hose extension into one of the handle slots in the back, and heard a clink. Reaching in, to his utter horror, he pulled out a glass marijuana pipe.
This time, he was furious at his son and drove immediately to the son’s friend’s house, where they were hanging out. The son and his friend had no idea the pipe was in there, but they speculated that it must’ve been a particular kid who’s the friend of another friend they’d invited along, and described where in the van the kid sat. That was indeed where Tom found the pipe, although he never told that to the boys. (Tom also knew that if his son had known about the drug paraphernalia, he never would’ve let Tom clean the car.) Tom said that because this discovery made him an ass for going to the cops demanding apologies for something the kids actually WERE guilty of, he was now going to rectify the situation by bringing the kids to the police station to MAKE an apology. None of the other kids would go, but Tom’s son went, scared the whole time he was going to get arrested. Tom reassured his son that nothing bad would happen to him, but that for the sake of decency, morality, and fairness, this had to be done.
The son went to the same sergeant, explained about the pipe and how he had no idea it was there, that it didn’t belong to him or his friends, and that had he known of its existence, he would never have allowed that acquaintance kid into his car. He swore up and down he would be more careful with his company and that this would never happen again. And he gave a written apology to the sheriff who’d pulled them over, whom they’d made write apologies to the other kids. And Tom’s kid didn’t get in trouble.
As I was listening to this story unfold, when Tom got to the part about how he found the pipe, my immediate mental reaction was, “Whew, that was close! Good thing the cops didn’t find that, and how funny/ironic that they had just made the cop apologize for something he was right about! They got lucky!” So of course I was shocked that although I had thought how great it was they’d gotten away with it, Tom did not let his kid get away with it. I said incredulously, “You made him go back and tell the police what you found, even tho you guys were done scott free and going back made you look like an ass?”
He was like, *blink blink*, “Of COURSE! What kind of parent would I be, what kind of example would I be setting, if I made the sheriff do something for the sake of righteousness and apologize, and when the shoe’s on the other foot, I don’t do the same thing on the other end?!”
I’d like to think that although I fantasize about doing wrong things more often than I’d like to admit, that when it really came to decision/action time, I would normally take the high road. But now I don’t know what to think of myself that my instantaneous reaction was to sheepishly skulk off knowing I’d narrowly gotten away with something. Maybe I’d be an unfit parent.