cindy's world

I met one of my coworkers at the local 24 Hr Fitness today and trained her during lunch. She’s been to the gym before, but doesn’t have the basics down, so I had to start with some fitness/body education, then spend a lot of time correcting her form. Even with the form instruction, I had to adjust her throughout the set and she had some trouble understanding what it is I want her to do and where I want her elbow to be, etc. She was such a good sport, never complained, did everything I said. She says she doesn’t sweat much, so I know her metabolism’s low, and it took a while, but I was determined to make her sweat and I did. I underestimated the amount of time it takes to work out when I’m training someone inexperienced and need to work in with her, so the first exercise we did, chest flies on a machine, took way too long. The next two, bent-over rows and step-back lunges, I selected because we could do them at the same time. We superset lunges with the rows (free weights) and as she put her opposite knee and hand on the bench for support, the way most people do it, I did mine simultaneously standing on one leg, which allowed me to be next to her w/o needing my own bench. I was hoping to get at least 5 exercises in, but only did 3. At least I did hit every major muscle group. I don’t want to start her off too strong, anyway. We were so short on time that after we were done, I made her do 10 mins on the elliptical while I ran into the locker room to shower. She has a free afternoon and we just got a criminal trial.

When I got back to work, a half-page sized Priority Mail envelope was waiting on my seat. I got my passport! YAY! Taking into consideration the long weekend holiday, it took almost exactly 4 weeks on regular processing (I mailed it out August 2). I feel sheepish that I, as a government employee, am nowhere near as efficient as to only take half the time that we tell the public to expect processing. The new passport is flimsy.

After my friend dropped me off back at home, I took a nap and then hit the gym for 2.5 hours. 10 minute cardio warm-up, over an hour on the weight floor doing circuits and supersets (3 shoulder exercises, 2 chest, 2 back, 4 leg, at 3 sets of 15 reps each), then 65 minutes on the elliptical trainer. During the elliptical cardio, I was so…bored. It didn’t help that the only TV I could see from my station was showing a college football game. I even set the program on cross-train aerobics, which breaks up the strides into intervals of speed changes, direction changes, arm usage changes, but that didn’t help. After I pedaled for what felt like 30 days, I looked down at the time and damn it, it’d only been 14 minutes. I wanted so badly to quit and go home, and the excuses were making themselves heard. “I supersetted the weights, so I really didn’t give myself a break, so technically I did cardio already AS I was doing weight training.” “I worked out yesterday, so this is sufficient for today.” But I trudged on, combatting the excuses with things like “I didn’t eat well today. Gotta make up for it.” “I would be so disappointed in myself later that I couldn’t stick it out for the entire time just because I was bored.” “I need license to eat like a pig tomorrow, and I’ll probably eat like a pig tomorrow anyway and not work out, so I’d feel better tomorrow if I put in the time today.” “Think of how good you’re gonna feel in another 30 minutes.” “What better thing do you have to do right now?” “Cancun’s coming up.”

I’m exhausted. I’m going to bed now. Geez, it’s already 2am.

I was told I would be in my own department today, altho dark, to clear out my stupid family law divorce case load. Did that happen? No. I am presently sitting in an actual family law department, for which I have had zero training and zero experience, and I don’t even know how to do a calendar on their computer program. At least the bailiff in here is a friend of mine. We used to dance at the after-work parties so he’s more familiar w/me than some other people. He already said he’ll do most of the work for me. =/ But he can’t do the computer work.

He just checked everybody in. It’s a freaking full house. I am going to be in a very foul mood today. Oh, just now I found out we have a 1:30p calendar, too.

You know what this means? I am going to have a ferocious workout at lunch. I almost left the house this morning w/o my workout bag. I had my car halfway backed out of the garage, and then when I realized what I was missing, I ran back into the house and threw my workout clothes together. This morning, I was down 3 lbs with a 1% increase in body fat which means I am debloating. Ugh. I am so cranky, I feel the black clouds swirling.

This is probably all in my head, but I think I look better already. 65 minutes on the elliptical trainer on a cross-training program after work. Not too high of a level, just level 4, but I was definitely sweating. I think my legs look more toned, too. Hopefully the puffiness is due to bloating from my sodium high so the sweating and the excess water I drank all day will take care of that.

I just returned from the gym. I hadn’t set foot in a gym for 2 weeks because I hadn’t had the time or the energy (and barely any sleep). I felt guilty and sheepish going in. Luckily, people I know just welcomed me back w/o giving me a hard time.

It’s scary, dismaying and frustrating how the body deteriorates after just 2 weeks. Looking at myself in the locker room mirror, I’m puffier in certain areas than I was even last week. On my bike warmup, I was out of breath before I started sweating, which means my cardio’s off and my metabolism’s on low. I fully planned on doing a solid weight training session for an hour or so, but I didn’t have the stamina. I supersetted chest press/lunges/single-legged dumbbell rows, 3 sets each, and then I hit abs (hard) and lower back. I did get all the major muscle groups burning (thereby “activating” more calorie burn), but I didn’t get as many exercises in as I thought I could.

3.5 weeks before Cancun. If I do weight training at lunch and cardio after work daily, I should be able to tighten up just fine. I hadn’t gained much weight, probably a couple pounds, and my body fat percentage hasn’t budged. I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

I think I am officially in a workout funk. I’m usually very good about hitting the gym every lunch, plus something after work (jujitsu, straight-cardio like running or elliptical). The last time I’d been to the gym was last Tuesday. There’s been excuse after excuse since then, and other lunchtime plans, so I just told myself I’d take a week off. Well, today’s Wednesday, but all I want to do right now is sleep. I did yoga last Wednesday, so I can scrape by with the justification that a week off ends today so I should go to the gym starting Thursday (tomorrow).

Yeah, I’m gonna take a nap for lunch today.

Foodwise, Wednesday was terrible. Whilst discussing a technical deficiency in a divorce case I’m working on, I mentally counted that as of 3:30pm, I’ve already had seven pieces of chocolate. They were all bite-sized stuff, like those individually wrapped rectangles of Hershey’s and Dove chocolates, but still. Seven. I decided I had to eat healthy that point on, so I went to Trader Joe’s after work. I bought flax seed cereal and organic 1% milk, among other stuff. I’ve never had either one. But did I open either package? No. Instead, for the next 15 hours, I continuously ate those soy sauce coated little Japanese rice crackers to the point where I am so bloated right now that my internal organs hurt, and two dots of sores or ulcers appeared on my tongue. Probably abrasion cuts from the rough crackers and add to that the toxic amount of sodium replacing my blood/platelet supply.

Exercise-wise, Wednesday was not bad. I did 50 minutes on this insane elliptical trainer at the gym at lunch, which should’ve burned at least 400 calories, or 4 pieces of chocolate. =P After work, I drove really far to Orange to brush up on jujitsu. Haha, you can always tell when I’m doing jujitsu. 3 new bruises on the inside of my left arm, huge already-purple bruise on the side of my left knee, three forming bruises/swellings on my right shin. After the class (in which I led the cool-down stretches), the instructor, 2 blackbelts (yes, including “the”) and 2 students (me and another girl) went to a nearby Japanese restaurant and had sushi. At least I don’t have to feel guilty about that meal. The dinnertable conversation was fun and funny.

I just started research for my book today (meaning Sunday). Wow, am I in over my head. 5 weeks is definitely too ambitious, unless I break it up into volumes. The difficulty is that all the background information I gathered today was in Chinese, so I needed my dad to translate. His English isn’t that great, so we sat there with a Chinese-English dictionary between us, plus his reference materials and artifacts written in Chinese, and struggled. I can say that my dad has a lot more patience than I do. I learned a lot, and most of all, I learned just how little I know. Looks like I’ll have to gather objective background historial information on my own during the week, get the subjective versions on the weekends from my relatives, and piece the story together sometime in the future.

I am nervous about the reception of this book. I am protected under the US Constitution for free speech, but I don’t know how the Asian underground works for things like this. I don’t want to get shot. I may be forever banned from setting foot in China, but it’s not like I’ve ever been there anyway. Asians are sensitive about their history in regards to each other, and I’m about to write negative things about the Chinese Communists and the Japanese.

I’m actually really surprised I’ve never heard these family stories before. I wonder if the family was emotionally scarred by all of our political history.

Married Guy (see 7-30-05 post “TOO Friendly?“): Cindy’s gonna lead the class on the warm-up throws.
Me: No I’m not, stop putting words in my mouth!
(This continues for the next few minutes, in which Married Guy “vouches” that I’d expressed desire to lead the throws.)
Blackbelt: Cindy, you’re gonna lead the throws?
Me: No I’m not. Don’t listen to [Married Guy]. A couple of weeks ago he told [Creepy Guy] (see 6-27-05 entry “1st Day of Jujitsu“) something about me claiming to be [Creepy Guy]’s girlfriend, and he would not let it go!
Blackbelt: [chuckling] [Creepy Guy]’s…got a lot to offer…
(The instructor and I made eye contact, and he started smiling, watching me for my reaction, which was to bite my tongue with visible difficulty in self-restraint.)

(Later, as the New Girl led the class on throws and the Blackbelt was next to follow her, she did a back fall, back roll over right shoulder, back fall, back roll over left shoulder. At least, she twice attempted the back roll over her left shoulder and failed twice. Finally she gave up.)
Josh: (jokingly) We’re following [the New Girl]’s lead, right?
Blackbelt: Yes. You have to do it exactly the way she did it. (He then proceeded to do the back fall but did some fancy lift-up back roll instead of rolling over his shoulder.)
Me: That is so not how she did it!
Blackbelt: Are you giving me a hard time? Why’re you picking on me?
Married Guy: She’s picking on you because she likes you.
Me: [Married Guy], stop putting words in my mouth!
Blackbelt: I have a lot to offer, too.
Me: (after hesitation) We’ll see.
Married Guy: See, she likes you. She wants to see what you have to offer.
Me: Stop it! Stop causing trouble!

(still later, during floorwork warm-ups, where we do a lot of verbal goofing off w/the instructor)
Instructor: You guys are all coming in tomorrow, right? Wear your street clothes. We’re not going to work out. We’re going to have a potluck and a movie. The girls are gonna wear grass skirts.
Me: And that’s it.
Random Student: I’m gonna bring a weed whacker.

Had a great time laughing in class, as usual, in-between obtaining new bruises. Too bad tomorrow’s the last day for the semester. The antics are fun, albeit very sophomoric. Wait. Isn’t that what my horoscope warned me against doing today? Oh well, too late now.

Can I write a book in 5 weeks? That’s rather an ambitious project. But I really feel I can.

On my drive to work this morning, the thought hit me that if I don’t write this stuff soon, I will start losing people who’d want to read it. I’m not predicting the mortality of the people around me, but time is a slippery little sucker. My 10-yr high school reunion just came and went last October. It’s been 7 years since I graduated college, altho it feels like 2. Really, how long can I be pregnant before I give birth? I’ve already procrastinated 7 years.

I feel I’m right on the verge of something. I know what I’m going to write, it’s going to take some collaborative effort from my parents and I’m going to do quite some research, but the story is perfect. The Asian American market can’t criticize me for not knowing what I’m talking about, because it is my story. I have historical figures in the family who will make appearances in the book and that will be verifiable if other people want to research it, and it gives me a marketable edge.

It’s time to bring that dream to fruition. It’s time to hit that rare, fleeting Asian American immigrant literature niche and leave my mark in history. I just responded to an email from my mom, telling her about my ambitious project. She’d be supportive and helpful; she’s published a few pieces in a Chinese newspaper herself. I was born in the Week of Impasse, but mom was born in the Cusp of Magic.