cindy's world

*whimpering* I feel like poo. Based on what my trial DA told me (she’d gone thru a couple of these herself), my symptoms sound like a kidney infection. I want to take the afternoon off but there’s no coverage, and my supervisor said “I’ll see what I can do” 2 hours ago. That’s what I get for sitting on a UTI for a week and a half.

Well, in case it is old age, I’m trying to think positive about aging. I.e. the following email forward:

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids? If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

“How old are you?” “I’m four and a half!” You’re never thirty-six and a half. You’re four and a half, going on five!

That’s the key.
(more…)

Yesterday, it started with the outside of my glutes hurting. My lower back then joined in, and hours later, I noticed the right side of my neck hurts whenever I look left, as if I slept wrong. Mr. W attempted to rub out some of the soreness last nite but couldn’t do anything because any sort of pressure, no matter how light, sent me into pained jerks and yelps. This morning, my eyes and ribs right under my arms hurt as well. I think I’m febrile. I also think the pain is so deep that it’s actually my organs that are hurting in addition to all the muscle soreness. I feel my kidneys, intestines, and definitely my lungs. I’ve started coughing, and the expansion of the diaphragm and lungs even in a deep breath makes me want to draw myself in to escape the pain. That doesn’t work, by the way. I just have to endure the symphony of polyphonic pain as all layers of my body scream in cacophonous unison.

“Is this an aging thing?” I asked my reporter.
“No, it’s the combination of your return to jujitsu, your return to running, your harder workouts, lack of sleep, and PMS because your body’s so sensitive to any sensation of pain this week.”
Or maybe I have West Nile virus.

It’s a good thing Diana will be in today to have lunch with me and the judge; guilt-free excuse to skip the workout at noon.

Jujitsu was SO FUN yesterday. I’ve missed the camaraderie of the class. The problematic people of last semester aren’t there this semester for some reason, and the remaining returning students have great chemistry together. For the drills and training, we split the class up into 2 sides, the beginners and the returning students. Since we returning students already know each other, we were super comfortable and I’ve never laughed so hard while getting SO beat up. Even while I was made fun of for not being around more often. Oh, and I learned some great moves, too. The one I mastered almost intuitively, however, is one I probably won’t get to use much since it’s not something I could do on someone much taller than me, and let’s face it, most people are much taller than me.

Toward the end of the evening as we were packing up to leave, Josh asked me if I’d done gymnastics or been a gymnast in the past. I told him no. He said, “Oh, cuz you have that body type.” That’s not a compliment for me! Female gymnasts are built like men! Ew. But apparently he thought it was a compliment cuz he thought it was really cool how strong I am when I have him in a lock. Then again, he also said, “Do you wear contacts? Color contacts? [leaning in to look at my eyes] Just one?” HUH?
“What do you MEAN just one? Is the other one missing?!”
“No, well, you know how some people only wear one contact cuz only 1 eye needs to be corrected?”
“But my contacts are GRAY, if I were only wearing one, one eye would be gray and the other eye would be brown!”
…so who knows what Josh means by anything he says.

Mr. W had mentioned something about a 5K race for an upcoming weekend, and I had originally declined participation, thinking I’m not trained up to a 5K (3.12 miles) right now. I sat in guilt for a couple of days thinking he’s so good about participating in my activities, that I shouldn’t have been so dismissive about his run. (Well, another reason I declined is because I didn’t want to barge in on an activity he’s involved in, even tho it was really nice of him to extend me an invite.) So today at lunch at the gym, I was curious as to just how far away from a 5K my conditioning is. So I raised a treadmill to a 0.5 incline, cranked it up to a comfortable 5.7mph, and did 3.5 miles without any difficulty.

I was shocked! I know the treadmill is by far an artificial running environment — no sun, no wind, virtually no friction, no hills, air-conditioning — but this is very encouraging. Maybe I’ll see if I can train myself back up to 12 miles again.

I haven’t been to jujitsu in 2.5 weeks. It’s nice to be back today. Everyone welcomed me and admired my tan and haircolor, and only jostled me a little bit. For example, Josh asked, “Where did you go?”
I said, “Cancun.”
“How long were you there?”
“7 days.”
“Oh, that explains why you weren’t here for like a month.”
I laughed, hit him, and explained about the family law crap at work and all the free overtime I donated to the County the week before my trip. I missed the jokes and the camaraderie in jujitsu.

The instructor announced today that we should all start saving our money for…a Hawaii trip next November! Our school originates from Hawaii, and we’re going to do a convention there with the Hawaiian branches of our school for 7 DAYS. He said 4 days are ours, we’re going to work on martial arts for only 3 of those days, and he’d get us a package deal at a great hotel 2 streets back from the beach: adjoining suites with balconies and kitchenettes for $52/nite with his connections. The workshops are gonna include (I don’t remember the names of these arts) learning stick-fighting and Polynesian hot stone massage. HOW COOL IS THAT?!?!

So last nite, after my final “diet meal,” I struggled hard with the technicality of when my diet is considered over. Is it over after the immediate consumption of the final meal? After that meal digests? After I sleep and wake up again? After midnight? I really wanted to eat something, anything, that’s not on the diet’s food list, and I wanted alcohol.

So it was easy when my ex called after 11pm to get me out to a local restaurant/bar and get me intoxicated. Long story short, when I haven’t had a lot of calories in me all week and my body’s out of whack due to that and weight loss and hormones, that any amount of alcohol goes a long way. So… I may have been convinced to get back together with him.

(more…)

I thought I had put this out there but I guess I didn’t.

I’m not normally one to diet. I generally pay some attention to what I eat, try not to go overboard, but I do occasionally succumb to my cravings. My thought is that I’m still young enough to burn off what I put in, so I’m gonna work out to give myself some food leverage. Plus, it sucks on a date that you’re just chewing on some bland leaf (mmm, chlorophyll) when you can be having lobster bisque, sourdough bread, filet mignon, and creme brulee. And a cocktail.

However, because the demand on my time this week is so high for getting my stupid family law crap done before I leave on vacation, I knew I would have to give up my lunchtime workouts, and probably work late in the evenings, too. So since I can’t burn off what I eat, I’d better just control what I eat. Thus, this psycho chemical diet. If I’m gonna have to start bringing lunch (no way I’m gonna grab fast food every day and bring it back to work thru lunch and still fit in a bikini next week), it may as well contribute to my diet. So it all works out.

I hope.

My bailiff, upon seeing the success of my chemical diet so far, made a photocopy of the instructions and menu. I told him that if he wants to do the diet, I’d give him the seven saltine crackers it calls for so he doesn’t have to go out and buy a gargantuan carton like I did if he doesn’t normally eat saltines. He looked at the menu and said, “I don’t think I can do this, man. There’s not enough eats on it for me.” I looked at him quizzically, wondering why he made the photocopy. He answered my unspoken question. “I’m gonna give this to Lisa.” His girlfriend.

Can you guys just SMELL the bloodspill already?

I didn’t say anything to him.

I flew home yesterday after work in time to watch on the news JetBlue’s flight approach the runway in Los Angeles International Airport with its front landing gear stuck at a perpendicular angle to the way it’s supposed to be. The plane landed perfectly on its two rear main landing gears, nose up till the last possible moment when gravity took over, then upon contact with the ground, the front wheels melted sparking flames, but ultimately did not veer one visible inch from the center divider line of the runway. Incredible piloting. Successful engineering of the axel, too. Nothing broke or crushed under the pressure and friction (except the small front tires, of course). The emergency vehicles were on both sides of the runway prepared for the plane to veer one way or the other or maybe turn over. *dignified golf clap*

Then I shoveled my diet dinner into my face and took off to Mr. W’s house. On the drive down, I spoke to my cousin Jennifer on the phone, who invited us down to her house (5 mins from my destination) for dinner and TV nite. She and her sister/roommie Diana have a group of friends who alternate in hosting a TV/dinner nite weekly. Altho I could not eat dinner with them (nor participate in the ingestion of a decadent looking layered chocolate pie of some sort; I’d give a more detailed description but I kept my eyes averted from the temptation), we did have a blast watching “Lost” (first episode of Season 2, first episode period for Mr. W and I). It’s funny and cute how involved in these shows my cousins and their friends are. There was lots of audience participation in the form of shouting advice (or insults) to the characters, some screams, jeers and cheers. Jennifer caught us up on Season 1 details as needed throughout the episode. Interesting series. I would watch it again.

I’m glad I couldn’t be tempted yesterday. I’m down 4.5 lbs from Monday. I can’t wait to see what my weight is once I debloat. I’m also glad everyone liked each other. These people are important to me. The fact that both sides make the effort on my behalf is very, very appreciated. I’m also glad that in the 3.5 hour donut hole of my sleep last nite (I think I was up between 1a and 4:30a), I was productive and folded/put away fresh laundry, reorganized my jammies drawer (golly, I have lots of sets of jammies for someone who doesn’t sleep in jammies, but they’re really cute stuff, mostly VS), decided on some stuff to bring to Cancun, tried on other stuff just to see how the combination fits and whether they fit. Sent out an email.

Okay, okay, I expect some finger wagging.

…yup, still hating it.

The diet today has cottage cheese on the lunch menu. I was optimistic this time around, because the thought of cottage cheese did not induce the gag reflex that it used to. I thought, “Maybe I’m over this. Maybe it’s an acquired taste that you get as you grow up, like spinach or eggplant.” I was wrong.

As I sit here trying to swallow a cup of this crap, I am reminded of why I could not do this diet more often. Eating cottage cheese still is, in my opinion, like eating a lactose intolerant person’s vomit.