cindy's world

The Colour Of My Love Lyrics
Artist: Celine Dion
Album: The Colour Of My Love

I’ll paint my mood in shades of blue
Paint my soul to be with you
I’ll sketch your lips in shaded tones
Draw your mouth to my own

I’ll draw your arms around my waist
Then all doubt I shall erase
I’ll paint the rain that softly lands on your wind blown hair

I’ll trace a hand to wipe your tears
A look to calm your fears
A silhouette of dark and light
While we hold each other oh so tight

I’ll paint a sun to warm your heart
Swearing that we’ll never part
That’s the colour of my love

I’ll paint the truth
Show how I feel
Try to make you completely real
I’ll use a brush so light and fine
To draw you close and make you mine

I’ll paint the truth
Show how I feel
Try to make you completely real
I’ll use a brush so light and fine
To draw you close and make you mine

I’ll paint a sun to warm your heart
Swearing that we’ll never part
That’s the colour of my love

I’ll draw the years all passing by
So much to learn so much to try

And with this ring our lives will start
Swearing that we’ll never part
I offer what you cannot buy
Devoted love until we die

So I was despondently belting this out in the shower just now (it’s 2:12 am as I type this). At times like this, I can imagine how my lilt would intonate and personalize the music if I were sitting at the velvet-lined bench of my shiny black baby grand (at my parents’ house). Sometimes I feel as if a force or feeling or some multi-dimensional something is bursting within me, and no poetry I could write, song I could sing, picture I can paint could express it justly. Maybe an animated 3-D image set to specific music with the temperature just so and the colors just so and a scent ever so light as to convey a certain feel and induce a specific line of thought could simulate or express what it is that hangs around and within me. This must be a challenge that the creators of Disney’s “Fantasia” films had.

I’m trying to stay strong and level-headed, but it’s hard when I take a nap and dream about my phone not ringing and about his phone not calling me and even tho this is not the case in real life, I awake with an overwhelming feeling of abandonment. I should just stop taking naps.

…College students aren’t the only ones whose health may suffer with those feelings. “Loneliness and social isolation have previously been associated with immune detriments,” says Pressman.

A study of 180 senior citizens found an association between loneliness and heart disease. That report appeared in the December 2002 issue of the Annals of Internal Medicine. (Partial quote of article from WebMD)

Oh, great. Well, that’s yet another reason to broaden my social network right now. While I’m still young enough and energetic enough to do so. I’ve always been one for taking prophylactic measures, which is why I work out, save for retirement, have a college fund for a kid I don’t even have yet, take vitamin supplements. All the little problems that people have in their mid-late 30s really begin in their early 20s. The back problems, the high blood pressure, certain types of diabetes, heart/cholesterol problems, knee problems, even osteoperosis. My newest thing is anti-wrinkle cream! I figure it’s easier to keep my skin supple than to erase wrinkles once they’re in place. I’m trying to prevent the old adage, “If I only knew then what I know now…” because I think a lot of the information the older people have, the younger people also have access to, and it’s up to us to apply the knowledge to prevent one day repeating the adage.

Last Wednesday, I had a conversation with a coworker at the gym while the two of us were doing our cardio set on the stationary bike. He made a breezy comment about seeing me work out daily and how I only need to keep it up until I get married. I turned and looked at him in surprise. “You think I’m doing this just to land a husband?” I asked. He looked at ME as if it had never occured to him that a girl would be at the gym for any other reason but to sweeten the bait to hook some naive young buck. “I wouldn’t do that to my husband,” I told him, “Even after years of marriage I still want to make my husband proud to have me on his arm and I still want his friends to be envious that his wife looks a certain way.” My coworker looked impressed, and I bit my tongue against the urge to add, “I’m sorry your wife got fat on you.” Which, of course, I don’t know for a fact because I’ve never seen his wife, but I’m sure she’s lovely.

Almost every breath I uttered at work today was related to either paintball or tequila. Maybe I should don my camouflage paintball clothes and get drunk and shoot random people.

On a more feminine side of things, I’m really excited about going either to the Niagara Peninsula or the Hotel del Coronado in late September this year with a buncha chicks. I hope I don’t get overly attached to some guy and muck up my travel plans. My court reporter had once said to me, “Once you come out of that place where you’re so hurt and disappointed all the time, you will find you become very protective of your peace.” How true that is. I’m working on being “comfortable in [my] own skin,” which is another phrase she uses a lot. I think presently comfort means being able to enjoy my freedom without feeling lost in the vacuum of spare time.

Pain was so constant and so deep that to simply feel nothing is such a blessing.