cindy's world

Today was supposed to be such a great day. [Except for the flaking.] After work, I went to Cypress and registered as a continuing education student and enrolled in the Jujitsu class. I had to pick Jujitsu over Kenpo Karate because Kenpo is held Saturday mornings, whereas Jujitsu is held Mondays and Wednesdays. I email-planned with my college roommie today to fly up north and visit her + friends for the July 4th long weekend, which means I need my weekends free. It felt good driving out of Cypress, a student once again (albeit not a Bruin this time), with a student parking permit for the summer semester tucked in the center storage compartment of my car. I was flying high. Class begins June 27. [I hate flakes.]

From Cypress, I drove farther south to Irvine to the Blackmarket Bakery for the Artisan Breads class, and arrived half an hour early, enough time to grab a quick bite and find the place. I met up with my court reporter and her twin brother at the bakery. We made from scratch Walnut Pain Au Levain (basic sourdough), Ciabatta (italian slipper bread), Challah (Jewish braided bread), and Sourdough Multigrain (this is English and should thus be self-explanatory). Fresh bread has amazing aroma, texture and taste. My entire downstairs smells like a bakery right now. I know this because I just went downstairs w/my camera to take photos of the aforementioned bread in my kitchen. [Flaky people SUCK.] The class ended almost an hour later than it was supposed to, but hey, I do have four pounds, four loaves of bread to show for it. What am I gonna do with all this bread? [This wouldn’t have been an issue if certain people weren’t flakes.]

Today I took the first major step in crossing stuff off my “goals” list. I should remove the motorcycling thing [and replace it with “never associate with flakes”]. In a phone conversation yesterday evening, I was given the suggestion [by a flake] to add “kiteboarding” to the list. It’s sort of a cross between parasailing, snowboarding, surfing and waterskiing. “It has you written all over it,” I was told, “because it’s athletic and looks like work.” I suppose it more realistically and more comparably replaces motorcycling than helicoptering does. [I’m so pissed; the flaking chased away all the sunshine that was so bright over my day earlier.]

Almost every breath I uttered at work today was related to either paintball or tequila. Maybe I should don my camouflage paintball clothes and get drunk and shoot random people.

On a more feminine side of things, I’m really excited about going either to the Niagara Peninsula or the Hotel del Coronado in late September this year with a buncha chicks. I hope I don’t get overly attached to some guy and muck up my travel plans. My court reporter had once said to me, “Once you come out of that place where you’re so hurt and disappointed all the time, you will find you become very protective of your peace.” How true that is. I’m working on being “comfortable in [my] own skin,” which is another phrase she uses a lot. I think presently comfort means being able to enjoy my freedom without feeling lost in the vacuum of spare time.

Pain was so constant and so deep that to simply feel nothing is such a blessing.

I had deliberately held off writing my first entry the day this blog site was set up because it was a bad day and I didn’t want that tone to seep into my writing. Today, however, I log on for the first time to see that my generous blog benefactor had found it appropriate to write the first entry for me by keying a threat. I’ll keep that entry in here, because there is a small truth in his words. Very small. Tiny. Negligible. Those of you who are current with my friendship dues have nothing to worry about.

At this point, I have told no one about the existence of this site, because I don’t know in what form or direction my online presence will grow. If nothing else, the record created on here will show me whether my dark days are truly outnumbered by my happy days (a goal I’m working toward), or serve as a tool for me to seek and display the silver sunlit lining around the ominous cumulonimbus clouds.

That being said, I send a hug to my college roommie for spontaneously emailing in the midst of an email chain 2 days ago, “You should blog. I’m gonna see if Mike has space on his server,” and to Mike, my no-longer-anonymous blog sponsor. (Like you can’t tell by the site address that it’s Mike anyway.) Heh, the parenthetical was totally unnecessary since the only ones who know about this site ARE these 2 people. And here we go… *flexing fingers*