cindy's world

Yesterday after work, we went to the 17th annual Taste of Newport event, which is like a huge, upscale street faire on Newport Center Drive in Fashion Island, Newport. (For locals to the So Cal area, this event goes thru the entire weekend, last day being this Sunday, September 18.) 33 local restaurants, from the casual chain La Salsa Fresh Mexican Grill to the classy The First Cabin at The Balboa Bay Club & Resort, present samples of their best in introductory booths, with incentives like the $20 dining certificate we picked up for McCormick & Schmick’s Seafood Restaurant. You get a “rechargeable” debit card upon entering the event, and use those to buy the food. Some vendors, like Sunkist’s Almond Munchies, are giving their entire proceeds to the Katrina Disaster victims.

When we first arrived at the venue, a Police Tribute Band, “Fallout”, was performing onstage. After them was The Derek Bordeaux Group doin’ their R&B, Motown and Soul groove. And then, as we made our way to the 5th row from the stage, MACY GRAY began her performance punctually at 9:15pm. (The B-52s are featured for today, Saturday, and Hootie & the Blowfish are featured for tomorrow’s schedule.) I’m not a huge Macy Gray fan and I had never heard any of her music aside from the two overplayed songs on the radio, but I really enjoyed her boppity and bluesy styles. People started getting drunk around us, the y0ung on beer and the old on wine, and once again I was in that too-familiar mode of watching out for other people and their exaggerated, oblivious bodily movements, making sure I wasn’t going to get myself hit or spilled on. This time, however, the company I was in was not drunk and it provoked endless smiles on me to be able to enjoy the evening with my Bacardi (low carb) Green Apple and not worry about having to watch my back, and knowing that should anything happen, my protective company would have my back. There were actually a few times when my unspoken rising concern about some rambunctious guy near me caused my date to hug me and swing me around so that I was on his other side, placing himself between me and the threat. Big brownie points, I tell ya.

Speaking of brownie points — and I have gone back and forth about whether I should blog this — he appears to have a sensitivity and consideration to me or “us” that I have never seen before in anyone I had ever dated, but which quality my girlfriends and I display instinctively and just chalk up to “a girl thing.” After we buy some food item that requires a flat surface to eat off of, we’d look around for some open seats at the round tables set up in the middle of the aisles in between the food booths (technically on the grassy center divider section of the street that the faire’s on). There’d be a couple of people on one side of the table and those looking for repose would ask to sit with them, and people there are generally friendly and entertaining, especially the older people (the young college age people were just loud and drunk, like young college people usually are). Anyway, here’s the brownie points part. We walked by a table w/2 scantily dressed women probably in their mid 20s (there were quite a few of those, and I had not known before last nite that Newport is the Land o’ Plastic Barbies) and after we passed, he said, “Well, there were some seats open by those 2 women back there, but I didn’t think that was appropriate.” I did feel a bit uncomfortable walking by those women and realizing they had the rare open seating at their table, but nothing I consciously registered. I was just so used to having to deal w/that stuff from my last relationship. I asked him, “Inappropriate for whom?” He said, almost nonchalantly, while looking around for other tables, “Inappropriate to sit with 2 women while I’m out with my girlfriend.” I think it was a slip of the tongue for him, and I chose to ignore the title, but what will forever stick out in my mind is the realization that someone will consciously choose to forego, without even being asked, hanging out w/attractive young women in favor of keeping me comfortable as a prophylactic measure. I know more men who will make a point of sitting with these 2 women and hide behind the excuse of “Well, there’s no other seats! What are you so insecure about? It’s not like I’m gonna ask for their number or something, geez!” Altho my female friends and I would never do that in a role reversal situation, we certainly don’t expect the same consideration from men.

My date’s favorite part of the night, he told me, was chatting w/the people we sat with. At one table, we joined two older women (by older I mean probably 60s) and at first it was laughing about how they have their men under their control as their husbands brought them food item after food item, drink after drink, so that they didn’t have to get up and fight the crowd. And then that somehow evolved to talking about what my and my date’s occupations are, and it got into my writing. My date looked so proud of me as he talked about how “incredible” my writing is and I just watched him brag about me in a sort of awe. (I was in awe, not him.) Oh yeah, and it turns out that the older of the two women is also a UCLA alum – English Department. I knew there was an innate depth and intelligence to her when I first started talking to her. 🙂 When we walked off after good luck exchanges, I thanked him for all the nice things he said about my “talent.” He put his arm around me and said, “I’m your biggest fan.” I smiled and said, “I think you might be.”

I just returned from the district picnic. That’s right, no gym at lunch today, I ate instead. How absurd is that? Eating at lunch. Pshaw. The way I ate can only be described as, I ate things that I had no business eating. I’m probably going to hit a sugar low, food coma soon and be out of commission all afternoon.

I had planned to work thru lunch today to get some more of these divorce nightmares under my belt, but my reporter appeared in the department I was covering (I’m covering 2 courts today, and actually brought more divorce files with me to work on while I was in the other department) with 2 tickets for the picnic in hand. How could I resist free food and great company?

The weather, by the way, is beautiful. It’s nice to get some sun and great laughs with people I work with but don’t see a lot.

I was just filling out one of those forwarded email survey questionnaires and one question asked me to name my favorite dessert. I have so many favorite desserts, and I thought about the creme brulee we ordered at the UVA Bar last nite. And then it hit me. The menu said it was a vanilla chocolate swirl creme brulee, which is what fascinated me so much because I wanted to see how they did dual-flavor swirl. There was no chocolate! There was no swirl! It was just your usual vanilla creme brulee with the caramelized sugar cap with a sliced strawberry and a mint sprig for garnish.

I have never had anything negative to say about this place before, but now, I was MISLED!

The only remedy, of course, is to start my search for an actual swirl creme brulee as soon as possible, eating all creme brulees in my path until I find the right one to balance out not having my expectations met.

I just had one of my best weekday evenings ever!

After work I coerced my friend to join me at Downtown Disney for a bite at Restaurant Catal’s outdoor UVA Bar. They really have foolproof food and drink, and I had the best Sexy Alligator I’d ever tasted (he had a lethal martini that appeared to consist only of ethyl alcohol and 2 olives), and we shared a sort of prawn ceviche soup; penne pasta in marinara, mozzarella & basil; and a rare seared Ahi tuna salad w/couscous, baked pita flakes and hummus.

After eating we wandered around Downtown Disney. He dragged me into Illuminations (I didn’t push him to go in because my experience w/men is that they don’t appreciate a store w/pretty candle setups and usually complain about the intermingled candle scents and wait for me outside), I dragged him into Basin (a unique bath products store) and introduced him to bath fizzy bombs, he dragged me into Disneyland Hotel where I finally saw the gargantuan fireplace in the open lobby that my bailiff has raved about, and we left our noseprints, handprints and drool marks on the large window of a chocolate shop after watching one of the chocolateers dip 3 giant marshmallows on a stick into caramel, chocolate, then nuts. I had to be dragged AWAY from that store, and I’m glad now I was.

As we walked back to the parking lot, we happened to catch Disneyland’s fireworks show (early show at 8p!), and my friend dropped his tailgate, wrapped me in a blanket, and we watched the show from the edge of his big truck w/an unobstructed, perfectly angled view. It’s amazing what they can do w/pyrotechnics now — lit particles that had their own life and shot off in changing angles after the main explosion; explosions that spread out and formed hearts, stars, happy faces, 3-D cubes. We made it out of the parking lot w/5 minutes to spare on our 3-hr free parking.

What I love about hanging out w/this guy is the easy laughter (not just the polite “heh heh� chuckle, but gales of laughter that has us doubled over in stitches), his inquisitive nature, his genuine interest in learning about and trying things new to him, and wow, he articulates what I’m thinking. It’s kind of like, “So this is what I’d be like if I had a leg missing from my second X chromosome.� Except white. And with drastically different life choices growing up. And he’s a lot more easy-going than me. And has more life experience. Okay, so maybe not, but I enjoy our similarities and the differences we each bring to the table when we’re together.

Wrapping up another wonderful weekend.

Friday, I got to show off my cooking skills on a whim. I don’t get to cook enough; cooking for 1 sucks. It’s not even worth the work with no one to share the meal with. It was nice to use someone else’s kitchen and get help cooking and have someone else do all the cleaning. The compliments and appreciation are nice, too.

Saturday, to further satisfy my cooking urge, I went to Trader Joe’s and bought a bunch of crap in the morning that relives my college days. Middle Eastern bread w/lots of stuff to use as toppings (seasoned crumbled goat cheese, bruschetta sauce, etc) to make into little pizzas to toast in the toaster oven, hummus, flatbread strips, etc. Dumped it all off at my friend’s house, made and had brunch with great company, than ran off to meet my cousin Diana who leaves 10 mins away from my friend. Diana and I went to a cooking class – Extreme Chocolates! She and I made dark chocolate ganache truffles and chocolate flourless cake. We learned how to make triple chocolate brownies, chocolate mousse tarts, rolled chocolate cake, etc. Taking a chocolates cooking class on PMS is bliss. I could not stop munching. Our cake turned out beautifully, and our chocolates tasted great, altho we went overboard w/the Kahlua and espresso syrup. Altho that’s probably what made it so great. Afterwards, Diana and I went to her friend’s housewarming where I met a bunch of people I had a wonderful conversation and homemade meal with. We really bonded over the patio table out in the backyard in this beautiful Mission Viejo house. Lots of laughs and therapy.

Today, I finally got some exercise in. I accepted a friend’s invitation for a great walk and talk up in the hills of Irvine (or it might’ve been Tustin, not sure of the borderline). The walk was on the verge of a hike at certain points, so I was able to break out in a sweat. Toward the end, I saw a big suspended pipe by the side of the trail that looked like one of those playground bars I used to flip around on as a kid. I asked my companion, “When you see something like that, don’t you just want to climb on it?” The next thing I knew, I was being dragged to the bar and I did a flip on it but couldn’t come back up on it because the pipe was too thick for my grasp. Oh well. But now I really want to climb on some jungle gym.

After the hike, I got to watch “The River,” a Chinese award-winning film that my uncle Miao Tien starred in. We could not finish watching this gawd-awful film, altho we did have fun laughing hysterically at how horrible it was in the beginning. Maybe there’s some great surprise ending that puts the whole disjointed movie together, I dunno.

Oh yeah. I also bought half my Cancun wardrobe today at a swap meet. Do I need anything else except my current swimsuits and board shorts?

I had a little internal twitch earlier this evening that I think was made better by a vicious 95 mph drive to my parents’ house with the radio so loud that my ears rang after I got out of the car. I guess I need to do that every once in a while.

Our jury began deliberation minutes before the noon hour, so I was happy that I could make it to the gym for my lunchtime workout. I even called my trainee to tell her I was going to a different gym that was closer so that I could get a longer run in. And then on my walk out of the courthouse, I ran into a bunch of DAs I used to hang out after work with, whom I hadn’t hung out w/in awhile, and it didn’t take much to convince me to have lunch with these 8 very fun DAs.

We went to BJs in Cerritos (I know, I know! It wasn’t my idea. I laughed at the irony myself). The food took 40 minutes to arrive. I was getting a bit nervous, but since my jury’s deliberating, all they’d need me for at 1:30p is to unlock the exhibit closet door so that my bailiff can bring them their exhibits. I called the courtroom. No answer. I called the clerk next door and asked them to help get the exhibits to my bailiff, and they agreed. And then in the car on the way back, a DA in front of me gave his cell phone to the DA next to him, who happens to be our trial DA. I overheard, “Here, take this call. [DA I was hanging w/last nite]’s all upset about having to cover for you on your trial.”
From the back of the minivan: “WHAT?! What ABOUT the trial?!” That’s my shrill voice.
I started calling the courtroom. The phone just kept ringing. Damn it, bailiff not picking up the phone again. The DAs in the minivan were thinking that it’s a prank. We called the office of the DA who’s supposedly covering to see if he’s at his desk and if so, we got them. But no, he wasn’t at his desk.
Another 10 minutes or so go by. My bailiff calls me on my cell from the courtroom. Another judge is borrowing our courtroom to do a convoluted sentencing on a multiple-count child molestation case and they want me to clerk it, “…and everybody’s lookin’ for you!” he concluded. WTF?! The one time I’m this late from lunch (about half an hour as it was), cuz I usually go to the gym or stay in, and some skewball like THIS changes course on a cross-breeze and hits me upside the head like that.
When I walked in, they were all waiting for me. It was the most uncomfortable thing ever, and it was an awful, complicated, difficult sentence to enter/process and it wasn’t even my case!!

But you know what? Lunch was GREAT. I love those people. All the conversation, laughter, mockery, etc. were worth it.

On my way out of work yesterday, I accepted an invitation from a DA whom I’m pretty good friends with to go with him to Taps Brewery in Brea and hang out w/him and some Whittier Sheriffs. “Sure, I’ve got nothin’ goin’ on,” I said. This DA and I had been saying for awhile now that we need to hang out and catch up, but haven’t had the opportunity.

We sat in the outdoors patio at Taps and I had a Georgia Peach. Tasted watered down. Anyway, these cops turned out to be the really guys’-guy type of men and being the only female among them, I was once again zapped back to the days of yore when I’d hung out w/my ex and his “boys” at the bar at Friday’s, when I had to put on the aloof, witty, non-offendable chick persona to hang w/them as they sucked down beers and got increasingly more crass.

That’s a rusty hat. I was able to force it upon my head and pull it off, but it’d been awhile since I had to act so open and simultaneously recoil myself so far within. It’s “safe” mode, but it requires active forethought and monitoring of the impression and identity I’m throwing out. Of course I had to balance it out with a private, sincere and “real” conversation with my DA buddy after we left Taps.

There is something to be said about not making long weekend plans and letting yourself go where the wind takes you. Just some of where it took me:
* new laptop computer as an impulse buy
* hanging w/a good friend who can do all the computer program setups/installations/prep
* new friends’ house for a sumptuous meal of BBQ ribs, garlic bread, baked asparagus, melon balls, pasta salad and caramel apple martinis over great table conversation seated outside in a beautiful backyard w/wonderful weather
* being loved by a happy golden retriever
* casual evening strolls
* easy laughs, good times
* more self discoveries and discoveries about friends

I should not make plans more often.

My friend picked me up at 7am this morning to go kayaking around Balboa Beach. When I say “kayaking,” I meant that he was kayaking and I just sat there and enjoyed the view. (Once the offer was made that I can just sit there if I want and not paddle, I took him up on it. I did feel bad, tho, but it’s not like I add 200 lbs to his load.) We docked at Balboa Island and had breakfast at a restaurant there. Then we walked around a bit, then he paddled us (hee hee) around a boat that was completely overtaken by fat sea lions, then paddled back to his truck. Next we hung out at his house for a bit and I chatted w/his very lively 14 yr old daughter, then we had a late lunch at a BJs in his area. I’m at BJs way too much. And unfortunately, the reason we went there was because I wanted a framboise Lambic. I’m turning alcoholic.

Among the many topics of conversation, some hilarious, some thought-provoking, some entertaining, we hit upon the issue of my current state of mind re relationships. And I suddenly realized how incredibly jaded and commitment-phobic I am right now. He gave me the same lecture as everyone else: You should still give people a chance; you shouldn’t shut down; the highs and lows of a relationship are good things; not every guy is bad news; the highs in love make the lows worthwhile. I adamantly disagreed with him, as I did with everyone else who has already told me this stuff. I would rather have flat affect re love and not experience any highs if it means I will never feel that low again.

I know this sounds horrible to most people. But let me explain. I was burned badly in the last relationship. And then in the couple pseudo-dating relationships I’ve had since then, the guys have kinda freaked out on me right at the point where I was starting to get attached. Once bitten, twice shy. The last time, I even surprised myself at how low I felt. Ah, the familiar misery, anxiety, befuddlement. Screw that. My threshold mood right now is very high. I grinned like an idiot in the shower this morning just because the hot water felt so good. The feeling of nothing weighing on my mind, that no one has the power to bring me down, that is a level of security and peace that I am, at this point, completely unwilling to give up. Because there’s no one who’s actively making my life miserable presently, I am made happy by so many more things, such small things, like seeing the rounded breast fuzz of a young sparrow, having the freedom to hang out with whomever I want, having the freedom to pick up and go on a whim to visit friends or to vacation somewhere, without consulting anyone else and having to deal with separation anxiety of either party. Even staying late after jujitsu to chat with classmates. I am always so, so happy.

This also explains why I can hang out w/a bunch of different men, but the moment one appears to pursue something nonplatonic, I wig.

Maybe it’ll pass. Maybe meeting the right guy will force it to pass. Meanwhile, I am more than content surrounded by good friends and fun activities.

I was actually parked in my local gym’s parking lot yesterday evening, gabbing on the phone w/a friend, when my long-lost friend Dwaine called in thru call waiting. I had been trying to track this guy down for a year, so when he said he was in the local area and asked if I was free to meet him, I scrapped my workout plan.

I met him at BJ’s and since I was there first, sat down at the bar and ordered a bottle of Belgium Kriek Ale. (I wasn’t classless; I poured it into a curvy glass.) A man approached me to my right. “Everybody’s betting that you’re waiting for a guy friend,” he said.
It sounded like a line to me, so since I’m kind of an ass, I said, “Who’s everybody?”
He looked put on the spot and turned and pointed in a general direction of a large table behind me. “So, are you waiting for a guy friend?”
I looked at him again. “How much is at stake?”
“What?”
“What are you betting?”
“Oh, just a beer.”
I waved my hand dismissively. “That’s nothing. That’s inconsequential. I’m not going to answer the question.”
He badgered me a little, and I finally admitted I am waiting for a male friend I’ve known since junior high whom I haven’t seen in years. He said, “You look like you’re barely out of high school!”
I laughed. “I just missed my 10-yr reunion.”
“I just missed my 30-yr,” he said. And then he went on about how he was at his daughter’s wedding last weekend instead. So wait. You’re 47, 48, you think I’m in my low 20s and you’re HITTING on me? Nevertheless, he insisted on talking to me until my friend arrived, which he did, and Dwaine admirably simply introduced himself to this guy and shook his hand. I smiled at the stranger and thanked him for making my day.

Dwaine and I hit up a few different bars in Fullerton, in search of a place with good drinks and some form of entertainment that isn’t so loud that we can’t hear each other. We do have some great conversations; in a restaurant years ago after the two of us exchanged incredulous looks when the next table’s conversation traveled over he’d said, “Just once, I’d like to overhear a conversation that’s half as interesting as ours.” We ended up at a restaurant/bar that had a live jazz band, and a guy happened to be there filming a documentary on the bar. I wish I remembered what the bar’s called. Anyway, Dwaine and I charmed our way thru (as usual) and we were interviewed, signed releases, and we may see ourselves on TV sometime in the future.