cindy's world

This is interesting. Email chain between me and a “friend” re the Cheating Ex (I reversed the order so that it’s easier to read, just read straight down):

>>>>> u know that Jaime has a blog that hes using to
>> talk all sorts of crap about u behind ur back, right?
>>>>>

>>>> That’s so none of my business. If he needs to hate me,
>> he hates me. BFD. People who read my site should
>>>> know me well enough to know what really happened.
>> And if they want to hate me with him for camaraderie,
>>>> how does that affect my life, really? They’re not losses to
>> me, they’re not my friends if they don’t get me.

>>> just thought u’d like to know… u want the site?

>> no. I don’t need his bitterness to disrupt my life. I don’t
>> even respond to his calls anymore, I don’t nkow why he
>> would seem to take the hint when I would stop responding to
>> his emails for awhile, then start calling an d txtmsging me
>> again. I really don’t need to deal with whatever’s going on in
>> his head. I don’t have the patience for his i-love-you, i-
>> hate-you head games. Every time I would try to have a normal
>> conversation with him and I think we can salvage a semi-
>> friendship, he proves me wrong. Thsi is all so unnecessary.

> sorry to upset u… just thought u had the right to know…

You didn’t upset me, I appreciate that you’re looking out for me.
Thanks. But really, every time I talk to him it seems like he’s still
trying to work the relatinoship out in his head and the old issues still
abound (on both our parts) and if his conclusion is that he wants to
dwell on things to hate me, then he hates me. The hell am I supposed
to do about it?

Gawd. Maybe this is why I get into unexplained lapses of discomfort. I just don’t understand that guy. It seems like he’s so delusional and feels like such a victim as to the relationship, like when he told me a month ago he was still mad that I “sabotaged our relationship” by taking the initiative in finding out about his lies and cheating and if I had just let him be who he wanted to be and let him do whatever he wanted to do, then we’d still be together. But then I don’t understand why he always picks up contacting me if he’s so mad or has taken up a blog to bitch about me. And then he’d have his employees or other made-up accounts comment 0n my blog. Maybe I should just call him and talk it out. I’m okay with that. If he wants to throw knives, maybe he can throw knives once and for all and it’d bring him to some peace. What I think I’m not okay with, is if he has to keep coming up with reasons to hate me so that he can smother any residual love he has for me, because then the strange contact would not cease, altho that would explain his hot-cold thing that he does with me.

I think I’ll call him now and leave him a voice mail inviting him for a chat when he gets back from Miami. He’s sent me a few text messages from there in the last couple of days, seems like he’s enjoying himself. Hopefully he’ll be in good enough spirits so that he can just hash this out and finally be done with it all. Or maybe he’s already hating me now because i hadn’t responded to his messages and wouldn’t want to hear from me at all. But I really don’t want him so upset that he feels compelled to keep dwelling on it. I actually feel bad that he feels bad still.

Oh, the teeter-totter of it all. Well, I’m gonna make the offer anyway. He can do with it as he sees fit.

So I’m up procrastinating from cleaning up the house, watched 2 middle-of-the-nite episodes of Angel (1 hr each), then I finally showered, applied the lint roller to various surfaces, Windexed other surfaces, and then the big task: vacuuming. I started with the cat area. Immediately the stench of burned rubber permeated the air. Damn it. The rubber band broke inside my Fantom Fury again. It’s a pain to get more bands because the stores don’t carry my model anymore, so I have to order it online. I’m fed up enough to get a new Fantom. Maybe that’ll be my x-mas present to myself. (Yeah, yeah, I spoil myself.) I went to backup handvac. It barely picked up anything and then faded in the next 10 seconds or so. It’d been doing that the last few times I tried to work with it, but I always blamed it on the lack of charge. Now, it’s been charging for at least a week straight, so that’s clearly broken, too. I went to second backup broomvac. It turned on, sniffed, and then died. For some reason the charger plug had been pulled out of the wall, even tho there’s no reason for me to have done it. I don’t get it.

So now the house is unvacuumed, there’s cat residue all over the carpets, and my broomvac is charging downstairs, but I’ve had no sleep all nite. I think I’m gonna try to call in sick tomorrow because, I have a feeling, I will be. Either that or I’m gonna take an hour nap, then get up and vacuum and try to go to work.

I have just redeemed all the time, effort and money spent in acquiring my Bachelor’s degree.

I, like many Asian women I’d imagine, have trouble finding the right shade of foundation. I found a brand I really like (Revlon’s Colorstay), but when I tan or pale it’s a hunt all over again. Since I darkened so much in Cancun, I’ve moved from my old office-pallor color (Sand Beige) up a few shades to the one I used in college (True Beige) back in the days when we walked everywhere and the first class is at least 2 miles away from any apartment. Before Cancun, when I had a very slight tan from the incidental sun exposure which could only have come from driving to and from work, I was using an in-between shade (Medium Beige) which still wasn’t quite right, but I sucked it up expecting to darken in Cancun to college-color. And I did. Now, my tan is fading again because apparently the glow from a computer monitor and the flickering illumination from overhead flourescent lights don’t stimulate melanin production, and for a few days True Beige was too brown/red, but Medium Beige was too pale. I expected to go shopping for a new foundation.

Here’s the genius part that started yesterday morning. Yesterday, I put a dot of the darker True Beige on my forehead, nose, each cheek, and chin, then applied the lighter Medium Beige like normal foundation, blending the color. It was a closer match, but still too pale. This morning, I did three dots of True Beige over the same areas but working only one area at a time to help lengthen blend time (Revlon Colorstay “sets” in 60 seconds), and I applied Medium Beige over the areas. My color is perfect. I just got back from the restroom (I worked thru lunch, having been thrown into a criminal courtroom impromptu in the middle of their morning calendar because the clerk’s mom died so she jumped ship in tears) and the color is still perfect, natural, even.

That totally made my day, in spite of the very real possibility that I may be working late for free to get thru this calendar, trying to decipher another clerk’s notes on the cases called this morning.

To the men: If you got this far, thanks for putting up with my hideously girly entry. I believe it’s the only one on this blog so far, so I’m entitled!
To the women: I know, I know, some of you have been doing this self-blend thing for years. But it just never occurred to me until yesterday morning, even tho I’ve blended lipstick and eye makeup for like a decade and a half.

Yesterday, I went to Petco after work to buy cat litter. While in line, I saw little packages of Greenies for cats. My friend Vicky feeds Greenies to her dogs, which is a long green toothbrush-shaped chew-treat that cleans the dog’s teeth as the dog gnaws on the treat. I’d always said they should make Greenies for cats so I don’t need to keep spending dough getting my cat’s teeth cleaned and scraped by the vet. So when I saw this, I was really excited and forked out the big bucks for a teeny salmon-flavored package. I then went home, vacuumed downstairs, cleaned the cat’s room, replaced the litter.

Turns out Greenies for cats is like a miniature Greenie for dogs, toothbrush-shaped but about the size of a large vitamin. Dodo showed some interest when I first presented the Greenie to him on my fingertip. Then he walked away from it. There was no way I was gonna let this fly, so I brought him back, shoved the Greenie in his face again. He tried to walk around my hand to get behind me to the cat food. I then thought I’d put a few Greenies in his cat bowl so he knows it’s cat food (Dodo won’t touch human food). I thought I heard a crunch, so I was really excited. And then I stopped hearing crunching. I looked in the bowl and the Greenies were gone. Confused, I put a couple of Greenies on the ground. The cat put his head down and opened his mouth and then…I distinctly heard a couple of GULPS. He was just swallowing the suckers whole after he bit into the first one and found out they were hard to chew! Argh. What a waste of money.

Our email system still doesn’t receive/send outside the court system. Today marks the 3rd day of this dysfunction. I’m gonna be inundated with emails when they fix the server. Kinda like how I missed 9 calls when I finally checked my cell phone this morning, which was on my bed charging (I slept downstairs with the cat again).

And Wilco, what’s up with Cingular? Ever since this past weekend, the phone doesn’t pick up a signal well, I have to keep turning it off and on, sometimes a couple of times, to toggle the reception, and 8 times straight between 2 days I have tried to access my voice mail and the message is “Sorry, the service you have requested is not available at this time. Please try again later.” and then it hangs up on me.

It occurred to me that as the flight back from SF lands at 2:55p, I could totally still make my usual visit to my parents’ house Sunday evening and they didn’t even have to know I was out of town all weekend. So I didn’t tell them. When I arrived, both parents were knocked out on various couches in the living room. We had dinner, then again, I fell asleep at their house in the living room and did not leave to go back to my house until about 1:30a. What is it about that place?! I should have the air checked.

I got home about 2a, took a shower, and since I was wide awake, I unpacked and downloaded my photos into my desktop and chose a few to put into my image hosting site online. Then at 3:30a, I finally felt sleepy enough to go to bed. I laid in my own bed for the first time in what felt like forever. But it made me smile to be back. I even let Dodo sleep on the ground next to my bed, since he seemed concerned that I’d be leaving again and wanted to be underfoot.

Today, back at work, same ol’ car accident trial. Spacey attorneys, awkward witnesses, irrate judge. Ah, home sweet home.

I’ve cleared some stuff off my desk at work, and I want to throw this away, but I figure I kept it for a reason, so I’ll record it here and throw it away afterwards.

“When two hearts race, both win.”

*retch*
*tossing silver wrapper in trash can*

I don’t know what it is about traveling, even for a weekend, that makes me feel like I must leave my house in a cleaned up condition.

I had a pretty productive day last nite. Came home, did dishes, vacuumed, cleaned the cat area, started laundry, had dinner, went to get a haircut (I don’t like it as much as I liked my last haircut at Great Clips, but eh, it’s just hair. I can fix it, and it’ll grow out fine), and did laundry thru the night and finished it. Watched several episodes of Angel in the wee hours of the morning. Brushed Dodo.

This evening I have jujitsu 6:30p-8:30p so I won’t have time to do much. Maybe I’ll get gas on my way home and touch up my hair color after I get back. Maybe I should start packing. Maybe I should light a fire in the fireplace, light candles all over the living room, curl up and read a good book to the sound of the rain. With the cat yowling loudly and rubbing fur all over me.

I love all the freedom and options and the peace of mind to take advantage of all the freedom and options.

First off, I’d like to say hello to all my readers, and thank you for your interest in my blog. Wow, you guys hail from all over the globe! I don’t know how you found me, but I hope you stay.

According to the server’s statistics for this blog, in October, I got most (31.18%) of my hits from US Commercial sources, and 30.34% from within the network (I assume that means when I log in to write or when the server is doing its backup and saves and servicing, right, Wilco?). By country, US hosts are ahead with 12.70% of the hits, and Sweden is next up with 5.75% of total hits. Canada is only 0.20% with 52 total hits in October. Mark, your people are slacking! =)

To see the top 30 of 34 total countries who’ve hit up this blog in October and how they rank, click on the “more,” below:
(more…)

I just have to add this little bit in here…GO BRUINS! We took the win against Stanford this past Saturday by the skin of our teeth in overtime. USC is also still undefeated in their, what, now 30-game winning streak? So the upcoming UCLA-USC game should be very interesting. I suggested putting some money on the game to make it more interesting, and my supervisors promptly informed me that wagering of any kind here is illegal, and apparently remains so even if I were not betting monetarily.

I missed the game this past weekend again because I was at Edgar’s birthday dinner, but college roommie Diana, who was actually AT the game in Stanford, text messaged me updates. “UCLA-Stanford tied 24-24 with almost no time left”. And then, “Bruins won, overtime 34-28!!!”

Does anyone know WHEN the UCLA-USC game is? I should plan something for that Saturday.