cindy's world

So yesterday, from like 4am to 10pm, the film crew for the upcoming CBS law-drama series “Shark” filmed portions of their pilot episode in and around my courtroom. The director is Spike Lee and the main star is played by James Woods. Apparently, this series is about a defense attorney (James Woods) who switched sides to become a prosecutor after a sports star he successfully got acquitted of attempted murder against the sports guy’s wife went home and then murdered his wife. I heard they turned our jury room into a jail interview room with gray wall panels and a prop door change, and they filmed outside our courtroom in the hallway, in front of the courthouse and downstairs in a hall off the main lobby area. A props woman came by to study my desk and apparently commented on the photos of Dodo I have all over my bulletin board. She told the sheriff here on security that she liked my desk, and how you can’t learn this stuff unless you see the real thing. Maybe in a future episode, they’ll show a clerk’s desk on the camera and it’d look exactly like mine. Little invasive aliens all over my PC and all.

Don’t you guys just want to watch this show now? I swear, I’m not being paid for this publicity.

Today, as I sit here watching the time tick away while waiting for the last of 4 attorneys to arrive so that we can take the verdicts on our 3-defendant gang-related armed robbery case, I am grateful for the cut-and-paste function which I applied in the many minute orders for today’s proceedings.

I’m pretty happy with my after-work productiveness today. I left about 20 minutes early (which is 40 minutes later than most people in my job description, and 70 minutes later than some others, plus the judge worked us 15 minutes into lunch today, so don’t judge me) and gassed up my car, went home, changed the cat litter, cleaned the cat area, vacuumed the house, did the dishes, cleared out some bills, collected and took out the trash, and got to jujitsu on time.

At jujitsu, we warmed up so hard I was totally pouring sweat (maybe my metabolism was still on from my 3-mile run at lunch today which, by the way, made me sick), and then I was directed to the front of the room to lead the class on abs. And then we did — I have no idea how to spell it, but it sounds like ron-doori, which is two people facing off with their hands on each others’ gis and trying to turn the other person off-balance and induce a fall. That’s one of the things I’m worst at, I always lose the skin off my left knuckles from fabric burn, and I’m always being thrown. But with the breakdown of the moves and strategies in a drill today, something clicked in my head and I kicked ass! I think the trick is (or at least, the trick that worked for me) to turn them left and right and then pull an arm in while pushing the other arm out so that they’re going backwards, perpendicular to you, and then step quickly into them while continuing to pull the side that’s down. They fall on their side or ass every time. Anyway, I got home, showered, and I just installed TurboTax.

Right now I’m waiting for the free TurboTax State to download. If I can finish my parents’ taxes tonight, then they’ll have it ready this weekend when I visit them and they can sign it and mail it in. I really thought I’d have to ditch jujitsu tomorrow to clean up around the house and work on taxes, but now it looks like I won’t have to. Unless I decide to go to this celebration at a local pub that the DAs invited me to. I don’t even remember what they’re celebrating. I don’t think anyone’s being promoted this time. The problem is that I can’t do both. I learned early on that even one margarita before jujitsu totally dulls my reflexes and clarity of thought, even tho I have zero other symptoms doing normal stuff. I guess jujitsu is just more demanding on concentration and coordination. I guess I can go and not drink, then head over to jujitsu. Hmm.

Who knows the reference to my post title?

I had this toy when I was a single-digit-age kid. It looks kind of like a hammer or a mallet, except instead of a metal piece on the top of the “T”, it’s soft plastic, with accordian-style fold creases, such that when you hit it against a surface, it pushes air out and the toy squeaks. On my little plastic hammer toy, one side of the hitting thing was green and the other was yellow.

I bring this up because that toy is what I want to HIT YOU GUYS WITH when I go to your blogs in desperate need of entertainment and you guys haven’t updated in days, some of you in WEEKS. This trial is so painful and grueling, mostly from the defense attorney’s lack of brain cells, that the Spanish interpreter here today said to me upon my return from the restroom, “I was going to ask you whether you had gone to the restroom to kill yourself by slitting your wrists, and I wanted to ask you to leave a blade for me.”

Come on, guys. Lean your heads down. *WAP!* Squeeeeak! *WAP!* Squeeeeak!

Got this via email from a friend, guess I’m gonna have to change a lot of my language:

Memo: Cussing at work

It has been brought to management’s attention that some
individuals throughout the company have been using foul
language during the normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to
complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended,
this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do however realize the
critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings
when communicating with co-workers. Therefore, a list of 18 New and
Innovative “TRY SAYING” phrases has been provided so that proper
exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

1) TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don’t know what the f___ you’re doing.

2) TRY SAYING: She’s an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She’s a ball-busting b__ch.

3) TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do t his?

4) TRY SAYING: I’m certain that isn’t feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No f______ way.

5) TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You’ve got to be sh__ing me!

6) TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with…
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.

7) TRY SAYING: I wasn’t involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It’s not my f______ problem.

8.) TRY SAYING: That’s interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f___?

9) TRY SAYING: I’m not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won’t work.

10) TRY SAYING: I’ll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the f____ didn’t you tell me sooner?

11) TRY SAYING: He’s not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He’s got his head up his a__.

12) TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.

13) TRY SAYING: So you weren’t happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.

14) TRY SAYING: I’m a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: F___ it, I’m on salary.

15) TRY SAYING: I don’t think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.

16) TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This job sucks.

17) TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the h___ died and made you boss?

18 ) TRY SAYING: He’s somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He’s a pr_ck.

Thank You,
Human Resources

I don’t have much to report today on a post. My judge took today and tomorrow off to give himself a 5-day weekend (Monday’s a holiday) to help his son with some huge school project. I think that’s very sweet. I’m in a courtroom with one of my favorite judges doing a criminal trial. He’s easy-going and the pace of the trial is comfortable. I tried to check my gmail but I keep getting a blank white screen instead of my inbox. It’s been like that for 2 days. I complained about it to Mr. W, whose solution was for me to just check my email from home, and then I told him I have no internet access at home cuz my modem or DSL and/or router aren’t working. So he insisted on coming over after work to fix my computer. I’m so excited about that, he hardly ever comes over. If he doesn’t stay long, which he says he wouldn’t, then I guess I’ll be catching jujitsu tonite. They gave me a little bit of a hard time for not going Monday and Tuesday, cuz they all know that my cruise was only last week. But Monday was a holiday and Tuesday was Vday, so what’d they expect?

It’s nice to have a placid and well-paced day, actually. Yesterday, I was so bored that I drove myself crazy and miserable.

Woohoo, it’s 2:17pm and the judge is recessing the trial for the day because the defense ran out of witnesses for today.

For those of you who aren’t “Friends” fanatics, the title of the post refers to an episode of “Friends” in which Joey asks Chandler to hook him up with one of Chandler’s film producer friends for a movie audition. Joey wants the audition on Thursday. “Look, if you can’t remember Thursday, this’ll help you. Just remember, Thursday: the third day.” Chandler looked puzzled, like how is Thursday the 3rd day? Joey continues by counting on his fingers. “Monday: one day, Tuesday: two day, Wednesday: when? huh?, THURSDAY: the THIRD DAY.” This Thursday really is like my 3rd day since Monday was an idle day when I just unpacked, watched a lot of TV, ran 3 miles, then went to meet up with college roommie Diana for dinner.

Wow. We got done early. The judge let the jury go home early so that he and the attorneys can work on jury instructions and the verdict form. So on Monday, they’ll do closing arguments, jury instructions and the jury will commence their deliberation.

I guess I WON’T miss the flight. Yay! I told Mr. W things will work out! I’m jumping ship now.

Have a great week, guys! I hear that major cruiseships now have computer rooms, so if they do, maybe I’ll toss an entry your way here and there. In either case, I’m gonna be collecting photos of Jamaica, the Cayman Islands, and Florida (hopefully the Everglades) for posting when I get back. I should do a photo of me before and after the tan.

Fridays are uncannily bad for me workload-wise, especially on Fridays when I have plans. Well, tonight’s plans include catching a flight on time to Fort Lauderdale, Florida, so that Mr. W and I can board our cruiseship and mosey around the West Carribbean for the next 5 days.

I’m looking at where we are in this courtroom. We’re at the end of a civil jury trial. My jury would likely be deliberating this afternoon. With my luck, they’ll have their verdict in at like 3:50p, and we’d run late into the evening to take the verdict. After the verdict is taken, I have to inventory the exhibits, return them to counsel, straighten out the accounting (the plaintiff’s attorney isn’t current with his trial fees, he’s about 3 days and about $1300 short so I’ll have to bug him and process his payments and notate them in the computer system), close the case, and type in the entire 9-page special verdict form into my minute order. I’m as current as possible with this trial, I have the receipt halfway filled out but I don’t know whether he’s gonna run off again. And after work I need to pack up the last minute stuff like makeup and do a walk-thru with my catsitter and then drive to Mr. W’s. He’s pretty far from the airport and we’ll have to fight traffic going there. California traffic, for those of you not from Southern California, can triple your normal commute time if you’re on the freeway during peak traffic hours (and more and more hours now qualify as “peak”). Lemme put it this way. If I’m going faster than 15 mph on the freeway, I’m happy. But it’d likely be stop-and-go.

I don’t feel any stress yet, but Mr. W’s getting really nervous about the timing.

I had my commissioned homemade custom ice cream delivered to me this morning by “Stevie Wonder,” I guess he called himself on here. It is delicious! He made the ice cream itself a sort of mocha espresso flavor, and the crunch of the crushed espresso beans adds this great crisp texture, like a Heath bar or a Nestle’s Crunch bar except with more coffee flavored bite, and the Kahlua fudge ribbon is nice and rich. Mmmm! I’m sitting here and the judge is going to be late this morning to give a presentation at his son’s school, so there’s nothing going on in the courtroom except the crunching of my ice cream in my mouth. Do mornings at work get any better than this?

3 of our DAs got promoted and they reserved a room in a local restaurant/bar after work yesterday for open bar/food until 9:30p. I stopped by about 6pm, didn’t eat or drink anything because I was uncomfortable instantly and planned to leave soon. There was a sort of collective effort by quite a few of the people there to delay my leaving, which was successful for about 45 minutes. I was strategically passed from one person to the next to the next as they socialized with me and hugged me and made me feel welcome. I did sneak out about 7:15p, but not without knowing who my friends are. 🙂 I’m gonna miss the ones who are leaving to go downtown to hardcore prosecution (gang unit), but I wish them all the luck they deserve.