cindy's world

This should be a summation of all the entries on this blog. All my self-analysis, all my strives, all my relationship woes, it all boils down to this, and my friends would recognize things in here that we’ve discussed already (altho I just found this paragraph a few minutes ago on another site):

Cancer’s element is Water. Symbolic of the emotions, water
signs need to give and receive. They thrive on the exchange
of feelings. They need security and love to be wrapped in
an environment of love and comfort. Truly a wonderful
example of Yin receptivity, Cancer seems to absorb
memories, feelings and psychic messages. Of course, they
send back their own good vibes in the process. The
cardinal’ motivation energizes their strong ability to
provide for others. Few work as hard and as tenaciously as
Cancer. Without the balance of Yang assertiveness, however,
Cancer’s confidence can be a bit wobbly. After all, the
Crab is so very sensitive to everything. Just as the sign’s
ruler, the Moon, goes through phases, Cancer often
experiences mood-swings. Sometimes the desire to love
results in giving too much. In such cases, the Crab can
become over-protective or dependent. Balanced, the Cancer
adds personal independence to his or her priorities.

Speaking of horrible married men, I just remembered there’s this very helpful white belt in my jujitsu class who I think might be flirting with me. But I’m not sure and I didn’t think much of it because he seems quite a bit older and he’s married.

Incident 1: In class before the day of the Kata Contest, the instructor was asking around to see if we were going to go show support for our competing teammates. One guy in the class said, “Do they have those girls in bikini tops and tiny little hot pants who walk around holding signs that say ‘Round 1’?” Married Guy said to me across the room, “You’d be good for that, Cindy.” We all laughed it off.

Incident 2: In class on Wednesday, the instructor reminded us that next week is our final week for this semester. The New Girl asked if he was going to do anything for us on our last day, like throw us a pizza party. The instructor asked if there were any toppings we don’t eat. I said “pineapple.” Instructor said, “Why would anyone put pineapple on a pizza? To make it Hawaiian?” That started the class on wanting a Luau themed party, and one student asked if we’re gonna dress for it. I said, “Yeah, the whole class has to wear nothing but coconuts and grass skirts.” Married guy asked if I would wear a grass skirt. I said if he provided it, I would. He said, “I’ll make it myself!” The class laughed and joked about how he’d make it out of lawn grass, and he said there would only be a couple of blades of grass on the skirt but that I’d already said I’d wear it.

I was late getting to Irvine so I skipped visiting my cousins’ house and just met up w/them at Ruth’s Chris. I had an amazing wine. By appearance it was a white, almost looks chardonnay, but is made of 4 types of grapes. It was light like white zinfandel, but the flavor has much more depth and color. The nose was an explosion of grape bouquet. I wish I could remember what it was called, but I had some alcohol so foreign memory retention wasn’t at its peak. We started with an oysters rockefeller appetizer. All 3 of us had the petite filet mignon (melts in your mouth), and we shared sauteed mushrooms and a warm chocolate ganache cake a la mode. It was great catching up with my cousins over dinner, and to have frank, non-judgmental conversation about the raunchiest of subjects. We were an episode out of Sex and the City. With better food.

After dinner we walked to the Edwards Theatre and watched “Must Love Dogs” w/2 of their chick friends. This is the first time I can say I agreed with the movie critics. The reviews are lukewarm, but never was there a doubt in my head that I would enjoy this movie, this was right up my alley, it was quirky and sweet and it starred Diane Lane! While I was taking off my face earlier, I thought of all the comments I could blog about this movie, and I settled on these two: 1.) Of the parts of the movie that I did see, the best was when a large fluffy black dog named Mother Theresa climbed into John Cusack’s character’s boat from the water, because of how small the dog looked with his fur wet. 2.) The reason I say “of the parts of the movie that I did see,” is because for the first 1/3 of the movie, I dozed off at least half a dozen times. My cousin Diana was on my left, and I felt horrible because here they were, taking me to a movie with their friends, and I was falling asleep. I was afraid to turn and look at her, but I hoped she didn’t notice that I was dozing off. I did note that she was awfully still, tho. It wasn’t until after the movie when we talked about it, that I realized all 3 of us slept on and off thru the first 1/3 of the movie. We were all hoping no one else noticed. Of course none of us did, because we were asleep.

Okay, the enemy just left uneventfully with a “Have fun!” (re traveling to Spain). Whew, what a relief. I really don’t need to have an all-out battle at this point in my life. I’d like to remain as drama-free as possible. I’ve certainly earned it.

Looking very forward to this evening. I’m gonna see my cousins’ house in Irvine for the 1st time, we’re gonna have a girlie dinner at Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse (okay, so the meal itself isn’t gonna be girlie, just us bovine-munchers are), then we’re gonna meet up with with a bunch of other chicks (friends of theirs) to see “Must Love Dogs.” I love Diane Lane. She and Jane Seymour are the most beautiful pentagenarians ever. Except for my mom. I’ve been waiting for this movie to come out, and today’s opening day. I hope I don’t feel the need to spew anti-romance, anti-male venomous comments at the silver screen.

Dude, you’re sitting at Starbucks with your wife and 3 kids. Stop staring at my ass! Seriously, what is wrong with married men?! I hope his wife gives it to him when they get home. This is why I’m scared of Latin men.

Here I am, all armed and dressed for battle. And the enemy doesn’t even step up to bat. (I know I just changed metaphors right in the middle.) It has only been half a day, and who knows what the second half holds. A part of me is relieved that everything’s calm and quiet on the Southeastern front. I’m not sure I’m recouped enough to deal with much right now.

Judge decided to change our lunch hour for today, and also took 15 minutes of it. The gym time is already so tight that there’s no point losing 15 minutes to be all in a rush and work out for only 25 minutes. So here I sit, in the quiet and coldness of this barren courtroom. An unsuspecting innocent, wide-eyed and naively vulnerable. Ha, right. More like a black widow weaving her web and laying in wait.

Hell, I’ve got 25 minutes of lunch left. Time to take a walk across the street, thaw out, maybe grab a Starbucks. I’ve been wanting to try that green tea frapp.

You know you’re not meant to pick up a phone call if, in 4 rings, you had tried to pick it up from the phone next to you and realize that it’s unplugged, so rather than fish around for the wiring, you dash down the hallway into your bedroom to get that phone, except since the hall light’s burnt out at that end of the hall, you can’t see and you don’t want to step on the cat that may or may not be lounging in between the doorway and the bed (one of his favorite spots), so you slow down, step carefully, finally leap onto the bed, and reach over to the nightstand at the far side of the bed for the phone, and your hand doesn’t find the phone because for whatever reason, you moved the phone closer to the wall that morning, and when you finally find and grab the phone and bring it to your ear, before you can gasp out the entire word “hello,” you hear the other end click a hang-up.

I can count on 2 hands how many people have my home #, and count on 1 hand who would call it. My cell didn’t ring after the house phone stopped ringing, so it’s not someone who really wants to get a hold of me, as much as someone just seeing if I’m home. And 10pm is too late for telemarketers.

YES!! Thank you, Karen! (Referring to the “Unfocused Picture” post from 7-25-05.)

TRUTH IS by Fantasia Barrino

Ah Oh Ah Oh

[Verse 1]
Ran into an old friend yesterday
Caught me by surprise when he called my name
He was a familiar face, from a chapter in my past
Talked for a while, asked him how it’s been
Said that he was seeing somebody and
Told me this was gonna last
Showing me her photograph

[Hook]
And all the feelings that I thought were gone
Came rushing back to me at once
Tried to smile and hide the way I felt
But I was thinking to myself

[Chorus]
(Truth is) I never got over you
(Truth is) Wish I was standing in her shoes
(Truth is) And when it’s all said and done
Guess I’m still in love with you
(Truth is) I never should have let you go
(Truth is) And it’s killing me cuz now I know
(Truth is) And when it’s all said and done
Guess I’m still in love with you

[Verse 2]
We reminisce on the way things used to be
Shared a couple laughs, shared some memories
Talked about the things that changed
Some for good and some for bad
Then he said good-bye and he paid for lunch
Promised that we’d always keep in touch
Grabbed my bags and grabbed my thoughts, walked away and that was that

[Hook]
And all the feelings that I thought were gone
Came rushing back to me at once
Tried to smile and hide the way I felt
But I was thinking to myself

[Chorus]
(Truth is) I never got over you
(Truth is) Wish I was standing in her shoes
(Truth is) And when it’s all said and done
Guess I’m still in love with you
(Truth is) I never should have let you go
(Truth is) And it’s killing me cuz now I know
(Truth is) And when it’s all said and done
Guess I’m still in love with you

[Bridge]
Now the truth is it hurts but I know that the fault is mine
‘Cuz I let him go
Tried to get over it but it’s messin’ with my mind (Because I know)

[Chorus (2x)]
(Truth is) I never got over you
(Truth is) Wish I was standing in her shoes
(Truth is) And when it’s all said and done
Guess I’m still in love with you
(Truth is) I never should have let you go
(Truth is) And it’s killing me cuz now I know
(Truth is) And when it’s all said and done
Guess I’m still in love with you

I just gotta be honest, I guess, I-I guess, I’m still in love, in love, in love

I was toying with a very enticing possibility staring me in the face, but I was on the fence about it. Everyone around me are giving me the thumbs-up about it, but since I overthink things anyway, I was already weighing the many possible negative outcomes should I choose that path. This is all very premature anyway, since I don’t even know that this offer will be made to me. And then I eat a Doves chocolate and the fortune in the wrapper says, “Hey, why not?”

Whoa, nelly.

Can’t wait till tomorrow.

Did you guys know that for travel to the Carribeans, you HAVE to have a passport now? Anyway, I just found out that passport renewals are done thru mail and I can download the form online, so I’m going to the gym to WORK OUT at lunch. I feel less lame now. Yay! Of course, this takes away the evening gym plans and replaces it with evening passport crap.