cindy's world

It’s really weird to be divorcing people at my desk when an overtime bailiff I’ve never seen before is hanging out with my bailiff and talking very openly about the long-term relationships he’s been in and getting into detail about a particular 28 year old’s sexual responses to him.

In a work-information email sent out by a coworker, he decided to add his own unrelated 2 cents. I responded, and this chain resulted:

HIM: Did you know that in Shakespeare’s time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase …………………. “GOODNIGHT, SLEEP TIGHT.”
ME: how do you lay on the mattress and pull the rope to the desired tightness at the same time?
HIM: With great strength.
ME: oh. I’m glad I have a pillowtop over springs, then.
HIM: We have a pillow top also but it is so high of the ground I had to get a ladder for my wife.
ME: whatever happened to the good ol’ days of chivalry when a man would cradle his wife in his arms and carry her and lift her gently over the bed?
HIM: Oh you sweet innocent child.
ME: Hey, I’m almost 30!

Well, that broke up the mundaneness of jury selection on our new drug sales trial. Now, back to taking notes on jury selection, processing and entering a civil judgment on a prior case, doing family law crap. =P

You guys ever learn of something about someone else, something that generally does not impact your life, and yet you’re totally bothered by it? And then you try to figure out why you’re bothered by it, and you can’t see on a logical level why your emotions are affected, and now you’re bothered by that? Ugh. Brains are so complicated.

My bailiff had just booked a $4000+ cruise through Alaska for him and his girlfriend come May. He’s normally pretty frugal with his finances but splurged on a balcony-view room for this impromptu vacation. He said he realized that life really is about the now, and sometimes if you wait, you lose the opportunity. “Did I tell you about the boyfriend my daughter had in high school?” he asked. “No,” I told him.

His daughter was with a boy for 2 years in high school and they went to prom together. They broke up in college because she attended UC Irvine and he went to Pepperdine. In college, he met his future wife, and they married about 2 years ago. They had a great time for a year, but then he suddenly fell sick last December. Blood transfusions and other emergency medical attention couldn’t save him, and he slipped into a coma and died three weeks after having been diagnosed with Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia (A.L.L.), an aggressive cancer which hits hard and fast, often in young adults. A.L.L. is what my friend Grace had.* This boy was only 22 when he passed.

My bailiff decided that since he and his girlfriend had always talked about going to Alaska or going on an Alaskan cruise one day, he may as well make the one day now. He can wait for finances to get better, but really, when will they ever be “better” to one’s contentment? (Actually, I’m pretty content with my finances. But I’m not the norm in that.) “I may not have tomorrow, so why wait?” he said. One day you’re here and fine, and the next you (or your loved one) is not. The money will always be re-earned, assuming you’re not throwing all sense of responsibility out the window in buying something you really shouldn’t be buying. But if you can generally afford something, an experience is not replaceable.

I neeeeed a vacation, man! Well, I worked through lunch, so I deserve to go kick some green belt butt in jujitsu for 3 hours tonite. Mr. W offered me a stress-reliever massage if I skip over to his house after class.

*One thing that’s always been of comfort to me is seeing the tons of photos Grace had collected during her short marriage to her husband. There’s them at the Roman Baths, in front of Stonehenge, looking toward the Niagara Falls, in New Orleans. She had a list of places she wanted to travel to, and she got to hit a lot of them, starting from even before her diagnosis. She enjoyed every ounce of her time with her husband and crammed a lifetime of memories into a couple of years. Her life was much like her. Full, vibrant, fierce.

I’m tired! *sob* We barely ended our psycho trial (declared a mistrial this morning cuz 1 stubborn juror caused the jury to hang) and half an hour later, they give us another one. Meanwhile I’ve been given a deadline to get thru family law crap and I need to clean up the mistrial case file and do all the forms and turn in the exhibits. I think I’m gonna skip the gym for lunch today and just stay in and do this crap. We didn’t get a break between the last hefty civil trial (the verdict was 26 pages! 26!) and this last psycho one, either. I just want to sleep.

I had talked to Navy Girl Vanessa on Friday morning when she was 80 miles away at her boyfriend’s house (her company closed for Good Friday) and the last thing she said to me was, “See you Sunday!” She did not come home on Sunday, so I figured she must’ve decided to spend another night with her boyfriend and she’d come home Monday morning to get ready for work, like she did last week. I didn’t see her before I left for work. So I figured she went straight to work from the boyfriend’s and I’d see her at jujitsu last nite. She didn’t show up to jujitsu. So I thought maybe she’s ditching jujitsu and I’d see her when I got home. Her car wasn’t in the garage then, either. Now that was weird. I called her and she picked up, and I said, “Not to sound like a mother, but are you okay?” She laughed and thought it was the cutest thing. Turned out she had dental surgery done and it was so painful she took some Vicodin prescribed to her and it knocked her out and made her sick to her stomach, so she took the day off of work. But since she was feeling better and coming back when I called her, we went out for a midnight Thai food run at a local trendy Thai restaurant. And I learned something else.

Spicy Thai + empty stomach + midnight after 2 hr workout = spewage.

I almost called in sick today. Owie. Yes, right now still.

But my point is, fun fun fun! *wince*

I was driving to the gym at lunch, and I thought about what it is in my life I would want different from how it is now. Is there someone else’s life I wish I had? I thought of all my friends, people I know of. Sure, some of them have things I wish I had. Diana’s salary (but I don’t envy her workload), the “Dr.” before Vicky’s name (but I don’t want to be a pharmacist), Sandy’s figure (but I don’t need the amount of “player hatin'” that goes on around her). Maybe someone else’s car. I dunno. But as far as changing my life? I wouldn’t. I’ve got two close high school friends I’m still in touch with who are now married. And I don’t envy them. Other friends whom I’ve met when they’re already married…don’t envy that aspect of their lives, either. (In fact, some of then envy me.) Friends with kids? Don’t care. I like that I can, without consideration to anyone, invite a friend to stay with me for a month, and that she and I can just up and go to a bar or go eat and hang out, just cuz we feel like it. We can stay up all night and watch a movie. (Well, I actually fell asleep on this one, but the point is, I can try.) I can go goof off in Northern Cal for a weekend with Diana & Friends, no need to look for childcare. I can go to Hawaii for 2 weeks in November with my jujitsu dojo, without concern I’d be taking food from the mouth of my family to do so. So for me right now, life is exactly as I want it to be. No envy for anyone else’s situations.

I just wish I weren’t (almost) 30. 30 is such a “settling down” age in my head.

In my cousin Mark’s blog last week, I saw this paragraph:

Next up, I FINALLY saw Better Luck Tomorrow which actually has John Cho (Harold from Harold and Kumar) in it. It was a really good movie; I enjoyed it quite much. I think it has a plausible plot, and really interesting social overtones. I think it appeals more to people around the teens to mid 20s, as my dad didn’t like it much, and he usually has pretty good taste in movies. Speaking of which, Cindy, have you still not seen it yet? Go rent it! Highly recommended!

Since he mentioned me by name, I wrote him an email saying I’ve never even heard of the movie. His email response today reads “WHAT? You’ve SO HEARD of the movie. In fact, you were the one who TOLD me about it 2 years ago!!! =P ”

Eh???

I think my memory’s slipping. If 30 is truly the new 20, then I’m really in trouble.

I don’t like reality. I get sucked under here and there and it’s always a struggle to climb out. The last couple of days when I was able to find some levity, I clung onto it as hard as I could and tried to forget what’s real. I tried to keep my mind from wandering. I sang louder than I had to, made myself dance in my car seat listening to the radio while driving, changed channels and stations really quickly when their conversation was on anything I could relate to from my own life. But other times, when the sky is thick and gray and the air is cold (like right now), and there are no other distractions, I inadvertently stumble onto some truths. It feels like I was facing fantasy and laughing joyously, then I get a tap on the shoulder behind me and I turn, mouth still open from the laughter, and it’s a dark figure who force-feeds me a bitter dose of reality, right into my mouth.

I’m going back to bed.

Actually, Mr. W just invited me to have tea with him on his balcony. “It’s nice outside,” he said. Maybe it’s nicer over there on that side than it is here.

Oh my gawd, and now they’re DEADLOCKED! The judge is doing a deadlock inquiry right now. The foreperson is the hold-out, I’m sure, cuz she was overheard yelling at the other jurors about some irrelevant sticking point.

It’s 4:06 p.m., and the custody bus normally leaves before 4 to bring the inmates back to county jail. And our pro per custody is sitting here in the court. =P