cindy's world

Day 2 of this transition week. I was so not feeling it after Monday that before Laura arrived this morning, I had to enact a Plan B. I’ve made two back-to-back appointments with the 2 closest branches of a chain daycare for tomorrow.

So here’s how today went. Laura arrived at the agreed-upon time of 10a (a few minutes late). Allie was still sleeping from her morning nap, so we got a chance to talk, and altho she’d said yesterday that given the short day, she insisted on not being paid, today she said to apply the hours she was here yesterday toward “banking” as credit, i.e. she wants “credit” for the hours she’s worked yesterday to apply later when we’re on vacation. So now I have to keep keep a log of hours she’s “preworking” that are going toward future “credit” to be paid for, and days that we’ve paid full wage for her that she hasn’t yet worked that’s owed to us as time. It’s going to be an accounting nightmare.

When Allie awoke from the morning nap, I’d explained how to add a little bit to the 4 oz bag after it goes in the bottle to make a bottle between 4.5 to 5 oz. Then I left her to that as I went to change Allie. When I came back to the kitchen, I saw that she’d overfilled the bottle so that it was past the 5 oz line to where I estimate it was about 6 oz, but I’m not sure cuz that particular bottle size doesn’t have any markings beyond 5 oz and the bottle shape changes a bit as you get to the top. I mentioned she overfilled and that I didn’t want to waste milk that Allie can’t finish. She said as Allie drank all 5 oz yesterday at her bottle feeding, that she feels Allie can finish this, and that it wasn’t THAT much over 5 oz (I disagree), and then asked what I wanted to do, pour some back (which I’d initially suggested) or give it to her? I relented and said she could try feeding it to Allie as I pumped. When I came back downstairs from pumping, she said I was right, and there was a full ounce left over in the bottle she couldn’t get Allie to drink. We managed to salvage that by putting the bottle immediately back into the fridge and deciding to have 2 bottle feedings that day. I’m glad she chose to tell me rather than dump it so that I wouldn’t be upset or know she was wrong.

Allie took 2 great naps that I put her down for; 2 hours 15 mins for the morning nap (which Laura wasn’t here for because she didn’t want to come in early when I was still here), and 1.5 hours for the noon nap that I put Allie down for as Laura watched on the camera downstairs. She’d watched me put Allie down for one or two naps yesterday as well. She didn’t pick up on the details, though…when I had her put Allie down for Allie’s 3rd nap of the day, she bounced Allie around instead of swaying her by gently shifting weight from foot to foot like I do, and it was too much motion to lull Allie to sleep. She also patted Allie’s back and I heard occasional talking to Allie, so it was more stimulation than Allie’s used to. Allie was popped up on Laura’s shoulder and started fussing and crying. So I was thinking, “Just put her down, just put her down,” so that Allie would at least soothe herself to sleep in her crib instead of feeling the strangeness she wasn’t used to. But Laura tried to keep soothing, and kept readjusting Allie, trying to move her hand, move her head, move her positioning. Finally, eventually, Allie had her head down against Laura’s chest altho she never got into instant soothing position like she does on me and never sucked her thumb, but as she started getting sleepy-eyed, Laura put her down in her crib, but didn’t do a transition with her hands like I do, turning Allie sideways and then sliding my hand out once she’s in position. She basically picked Allie up by the armpits, dangling her over the crib, and that woke Allie up even more. Allie ended up popping up in the crib, moving around, crying, and learned to roll over for the first time. So now she was on her back, crying, not used to being on her back during the nap, awkwardly positioned against the side of the crib, staring at the ceiling in the room that she’s not used to seeing from that angle in the daytime. Basically, she cried and moved for half an hour, and ended up not going to sleep. I finally went and got her at 4:30p so that I could feed her, feed her again at 6:30p and put her down early for the night to make up for missing her afternoon nap. (Allie was so tired that as soon as I walked with her into her room to throw a diaper away or to get anything, she thought she was getting her nap and would go into soothing position on me. And she kept yawning, and when I nursed her at 4:30p and 6:30p for an earlier bedtime, she couldn’t even stay awake for a full feeding both times. I’m afraid to think what that’s going to do to her sleep tonight.)

As Laura was getting ready to leave, she asked when I’d like her in tomorrow. Well, given that it was a short day at HER request so that she could leave early, I thought she’d be in at the regular time in the morning since this IS transition week. She didn’t want to do that. She said as she’d expected to be in for the full normal days Thursday and Friday, on Wednesday (tomorrow) she wanted to come in later, even tho she was leaving earlier, too. So I’m going to put Allie to nap at 8:30a, she’ll be here at 9:30a (which cuts it close for me but that’s what she wants to do), and I’m going to leave at 9:45 so that I can make it to the first Kindercare by 10a for a tour, meanwhile Laura is here alone when Allie wakes up and she’ll change Allie’s diaper, bottlefeed her, play with her, and put her to nap around 12p; meanwhile I go straight to the 2nd Kindercare for a 11:30a tour, and I get home a little after 12p when hopefully Allie has been put down and is napping, and Laura leaves with her daughter between 1:30 and 2p. Her daughter offered to bring some Lee’s Sandwiches for us for lunch when she meets her mom here. Just writing all that I’m leaving to Laura tomorrow makes me nauseated. I’m so scared. I guess you can say I don’t have the confidence in her.

I was not impressed Laura’s still reluctant to be here for the full hours, even tho she’d be paid for them. We went for a stroller walk between the 2nd and 3rd (failed) nap, and that went okay. We also played with Allie outside for a bit (Laura took her out while I was cleaning the pump parts). I noticed that she’s not doing anything developmental with Allie. Just playing with her, laughing, talking to her. When we were on the big outdoor bed thing, I suggested we give Allie some exercise so she’d use up some energy before her nap, and Laura said okay, asked what I suggested. I suggested tummy time. She didn’t know what that is. It’s just terminology, but it’s such current common terminology that childcare providers really ought to know them. Mr. W mentioned that he watched Laura try to burp Allie thru the cameras, and agreed with me that she is rusty with infant care; he said she had Allie sitting on her lap like I do trying to burp her, but when Allie didn’t want to sit still and kept straightening her body, instead of burping her in another position, Laura would just pat her back twice, and keep try to readjust Allie’s sitting, then pat twice, while covering Allie’s mouth with the burp cloth with her other hand. Basically it wasn’t working. She wanted to use the Boppy to bottlefeed Allie (which she’d seen me use a few times to nurse Allie), but couldn’t figure out how to use it. She had it turned out so that it made a reverse “U” in front of her instead of going around her waist like a donut. When I turned it for her, she placed Allie in her lap in the hole instead of on the Boppy, meanwhile looking confused. Not a big deal again, except that it shows how she’s very out of date with the infant care thing. And Mr. W has told some people at work about how much we’re paying Laura monthly, and he said everyone balked. When he mentioned that she wanted to be paid max pay for the days she’s taking off, the days she’s on vacation, the days WE’RE on vacation, AND wanted us to pay half her health care, people REALLY balked. I think Laura feels that this is fair because she feels that $11/hour is a super-low wage so her compromise is to get us to pay her consistently whether she’s here or not.

I’m really, really not feeling it. I was in tears this afternoon. Mr. W is increasingly not happy with the arrangement the more time he has to think of it and its ramifications, as well. Taxes, etc. make her even more expensive as we finish the trial period.

Mr. W met up with his renter after work today. The renter is saying stuff like he’s not able to pay like he’d expected once again, and that maybe Mr. W would want to think about putting someone else in the property who could make the regular monthly payments, and meanwhile the renter will move his family out to someplace cheaper and still try to pay back what he owes to Mr. W. This is a scary thought — the implications are that the renters are admitting defeat in getting caught up. Mr. W explained about how it’s going to be very tough for us from now on covering for that mortgage without getting rental income for it because of what we’re going to have to pay for a nanny. When the two left each other, Mr. W got a phone call from the renter with a business proposition. The renter’s wife was a nurse. She’s also a mother of two girls, same ages as Laura’s girls. The renters offered to have the wife nanny for us for free, to sort of “work off” their debt, and that would help us by letting us save on childcare costs. I’m not sure how ideal this is, because I no longer have time to do another transition week with someone else. Plus, I don’t have the heart or the energy for it. I’m so stressed at it is doing it for Laura. I feel like the renter’s wife is in the same boat where she’s also going to be rusty with infant care, so I’m really trading one for the same person, with the exception being that one of the women is free. Also, can I do this without screwing over Laura, given that she appears to have chosen this as her job for the next couple years? Maybe I should talk to her tomorrow about keeping her options open and not writing off the church or the school district job, yet. But would that screw me over as I have to turn Allie over to another stranger?

Watching Allie wake up and toss in her bed earlier, having this discussion with Mr. W, I was ready to hurl.

Nanny Laura came over yesterday and spent half the day with us. She does seem to adore Allie and was trying to get the feel for our routine so far. When Allie went down for her nap, we talked about the terms of her employment. There were several points we had to negotiate and I think we’ve reached a compromise on all of them.
* She wants her average day’s pay (which includes any overtime) on holidays that she’s getting off. We asked to just pay her base time. We ended up agreeing to her request.
* She wants 10 days of vacation a year, to start accruing immediately, and wants to be able to use them immediately. We wanted to abide by the typical rule of her being able to use 10 days vacation a year starting with her 2nd year of employment. The compromise: she starts accruing immediately and can use those days immediately, but if she takes a 5 day vacation in the summer (like she wants) but has only 2 days accrued, she’s not getting paid for the other 3. But then she suggested getting paid as an “advance” on her vacation days, and Mr. W agreed. So pretty much she’s getting what she asked.
* She wants health insurance, but it’s expensive at $400/month from her estimate. The compromise: She pays for it on her own, but once Mr. W’s renters start paying their rent regularly, knowing it could take 6-8 months, we pitch in for half. This was her idea of a compromise, and we agreed. She felt bad that Mr. W is 5 figures in the hole from lack of rent collected but still paying mortgage on the place.
* On days when we don’t need her (such as when we have vacation or are home for a day to take Allie to a doctor’s appointment) but that she’s able to work, she wants full pay, including any overtime she would’ve worked had we needed her. We offered her half. She said she needed regular income for her financial stability and refused to take any cut due to our not needing her. This was troublesome, considering we used to take 4 weeks of vacation a year, so including holidays and her own 2 weeks of paid vacation, we’re basically paying her for something like 2+ months when she’s not even here. So my offer of compromise, which everyone agreed to, was that on days when we don’t need her but that she’s willing and able to work (not including her vacation or holidays), we can “bank” it as “credit” with her. She gets paid for these days with the understanding that on an agreed-upon Saturday or a holiday that she otherwise would’ve had off, she’d come and take Allie for some time without charging extra, so Mr. W and I can have a date, or go see a movie, or go have a meal, go to the gym, etc. That way, she would roughly be working the same number of hours annually that we’re willing to pay her for, but with the days rearranged.

Rebecca has said that she’s very professional, and I’ve found that to be true in her requested work benefits. Most nannies don’t make all these requests, and health care? Really? We’re not corporate employers. So I feel a little disgruntled that she has so many demands that are out of the ordinary for nannies, altho I also feel that her demands are not unreasonable for someone taking employment. She’s never done the nanny thing before so she’s treating this as she would a regular corporate job, altho she makes allowances keeping in mind that it’s not a matter of bargaining with a company, we’re people who are still trying to survive and we have physical limits on what we are ABLE to pay her, it’s not a matter of what we’re WILLING to pay her.

She looked very relieved when she left and gave me a hug, and I’ll type up the agreement at some point (I gave her a copy of our notes and terms). But we still have the understanding that the first few weeks are “trial;” if she finds she can’t survive on what she says is a paycut from what she’s used to, or we find that we can’t afford to pay what we’d agreed upon thus far, we’ll have to figure something else out. I’m thinking the “something else” is going to be daycare. I’m just so sick of this, and I’m totally stressed over how we’re going to do the week she wants off in the summer so she could vacation with her kids. If there were someone out there who knows Allie’s routine who come stay with her for a week, we wouldn’t need a nanny to begin with. Maybe I could take a personal day, Mr. W could take another personal day, and my mom could take the other 3. But she’d have to be here at 6:30a and it’s a long drive. *sigh* I feel like I should be relieved with a nanny in place (like I was with Susanne, who in retrospect was giving us a hell of a deal), not more stressed, like I am. I’m hoping Laura “proves herself” in the next few days so that I’d feel more comfortable, because right now altho I feel like her heart is in the right place with baby care, she’s rusty. She did offer to take the sleep book (“Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child” by Dr. Marc Weissbluth) and read it to understand my parenting/sleeping philosophy and to “brush up” on her infant knowledge. So far, my impression of her is that her priority is her kids and she’s willing to take a lot of time off to be with them, which is great as a parent, but I’m afraid it’ll screw us as her employers. She already asked for Wednesday afternoon off of this transition week so she could go with her daughter to see a church’s Easter exhibit and run a personal errand. True there’s some flexibility since I’m still on maternity leave, but I don’t feel like she’s that concerned with our needs as much as she is with her own leisure activities. Again, fine if you’re in a corporate job, the work can wait, but in this job, we’re dealing with a human baby and parents needing to feel like they’re leaving this human baby in competent and caring hands.

So yeah, after ironing out the details with Laura, I’m still not “feeling” like she’s a fixture. It could be just angst from my imminent return to work, as Mr. W suggests, or it could be intuition again.

Remember a couple of days ago when I didn’t know whether my feeling that Laura wasn’t going to stick around was intuition or paranoia? Turned out it was intuition.

She called me earlier. Her appointment this morning is to meet a plumber at the property she’s renting out, because her renters called over the weekend and reported a water heater leak. She said she took the liberty of arranging for a plumber today, so she’d get it taken care of earlier in the week rather than later, but wanted me to feel comfortable that if she had Allie full-time and I was back at work, then she would’ve rescheduled or done something else; she wouldn’t have flaked on Allie. So that’s fine. Her plumber window is between 12-2 this afternoon, so she’s going to come as soon as she can after that.

BUT…after I told her about my feelings that she’s holding back and that I had wanted to talk to her about it today to see why my gut was telling me this about her, she said that I am intuitively correct. She’s still having ongoing discussions with Saddleback Church, so she hadn’t written them off after they’d met last Monday. Also, prior to her emailing me about the nanny position, she’d taken a test with the Huntington Beach School District for an education-related job, and she’d said there was only 1 position open and there were so many people there that she left discouraged, feeling like she wouldn’t be able to beat everyone for that one spot. However, over the weekend, she received an email from them saying congratulations, she scored in the top 10 and they would like to set her up for an interview. So now she feels like whereas before, she had no doors open to her, now many doors are opening to her at the same time, and she’s torn about which to enter. She said she’s trying to figure out where God wants her to go. She wants to take the nanny position with us, but doesn’t want to make a mistake, or step into something unclear. She asked me to put the agreement terms for her employment together so that she could sign a contract with us, and that way, with all the details securely ironed out, she would refuse the school district’s interview and come onboard. I noticed she didn’t give such a resolution about Saddleback Church, however.

I had been wanting to iron out the details of our arrangement, also, but she didn’t make herself available last week or over the weekend, so I had been planning on negotiating all terms this week when I saw her. I also don’t want a situation where an unexpected sticking point blows the whole agreement up, so I’d rather handle the details sooner than later. I told her that even with an agreement in place, if it turns out some way we’re doing things isn’t working, I’m open to talking about and renegotiating the issue. She was happy and relieved.

Another thing I’d felt over the weekend intuitively was that her daughters were a huge concern to her and that she may be “flakey” based upon their needs. If she quits it’d be because she decided to spend more time with them at home. That turned out to be pretty right on, also, because Laura said the reason she’s less inclined toward the school district job is because it would take an hour each way to commute there, and then working all day, that would make her unavailable to her children at a time when she believed, from hearing a Christian radio show discuss this early on, was the most important for a mother to be around her children — their teenage years. I don’t disagree with her, because I get that peer influence is at an all-time high at that age. The kids need to know that a parent is available and will be there to hold them accountable for their actions. That alone prevented me from doing a lot of bad stuff when I was a teen (“my mom would KILL me!” was a very common thought). I asked her if the long hours working for us would give her the same concern. She said no, because we’re close to her home, AND because I’d already said that her kids are welcome in our house when she’s here working. I confirmed that. She said her teen had already said, “Oh, then I can go over and do homework.” I’m all for kids doing homework at our house, as long as they aren’t too noisy. Besides, her mom will be here the whole time supervising. I don’t expect a teenager is going to be distracting Laura from caring for Allie. Another toddler, that’s a different story.

Intuitively, I feel somewhat a sense of relief, like a heaviness lifted partially. So I know I’m on the right track. It’s not completely lifted, yet, but it’s nowhere near as heavy as it had felt this weekend. This weekend, it was almost like Laura was nonexistent in our future when I tried to project forward. I’m so tired of this, though. I think if Nanny Laura doesn’t work out, I’m ready to turn to daycare. My cousin Jennifer’s having a great experience with her baby Alexis in daycare right now, and the people I know who’ve placed their infants in have only positive things to say. I’d just prefer that Allie be a little older, but it may not work out that way. At least she’s getting MUCH better with the noise issue, just like the pediatrician said she would. She slept through neighbors’ gardeners today (she moved and turned her head a couple of times, but settled back down without really waking up), and other outside noises over the weekend.

Laura just called; she’s on her way. I have the points of our agreement written down as notes and we can talk about other points and then fashion it into an agreement.

Another problem, one that I didn’t see coming… I was about to scoop out the pee clumps in Dodo’s litterbox this morning when I noticed raisin-sized blood stains in the center of each of the 2 pee clumps. I’ve put a call into the vet. 🙁 It looks like the pee stream ended with some blood coming out of my kitty. He’s doing better with the overnight yowling; he pretty much only does it early evening, and/or early morning (5am), so I figured he’s feeling better. The vet called back and left a voicemail when I was putting Allie down for her morning nap. I tried to call back after I put Allie down for her noon nap, but the doctor was with a patient. So we’re still playing phone tag.

Childhood friend (and my current dentist) Andy and his wife Jenny came by to visit yesterday afternoon. We’d been trying to hang out in South OC for years, since they’re in the area almost every weekend, but somehow could never get it to work. This time it worked. They arrived during Allie’s nap, which allowed us some time to visit without having to worry about the baby getting impatient. When Allie woke up and we introduced her to Andy and Jenny, I found out just now much a baby person Jenny is. She adored Allie! Andy said that kids and babies always love Jenny. Allie certainly seemed to appreciate all of Jenny’s attention lavished on her, and kept smiling and looking at Jenny. These two guests are the first ones whose first impression is that Allie looks like Mr. W. Everyone else says the baby looks like me. “That’s because you’ve got biased friends and relatives saying that,” Mr. W joked.

Since Allie now skips her 4th nap and is awake from 4p-ish to bedtime (7:30p-ish), we all went to have some omakase sushi on the lake. It was a really nice visit with grownup conversation about foods, travels, yuzu, family. I didn’t know that childhood friend Sandy, Andy’s younger sister, was so mean to her brother when they were young kids! I never saw it even tho I’ve known them since Sandy and I were 6, and Andy was 7, but apparently the examples of violence done to Andy by Sandy predated that. Hilarious stories, which I’ll keep private. 🙂 Jenny and Mr. W told Andy to “get over it, it’s been 35 years!” and be nicer to his sister now. Haha! I look forward to having more time to socialize with them in the future.

Today, Mr. W took baby duty so that I could attend Lily’s no-children baby shower in Long Beach. The drive to Mimi’s Cafe there was about 45 minutes, and it was a 10:30a brunch with games, and a 45 minute drive back. I left the house at 9:45a, which means I missed the 10a feeding (and didn’t pump since I was driving), and brunch took longer than I thought, so I skipped out early so as not to miss the 1:30p feeding. I was afraid my body would go, “Hmm…she fed last night at 7:15pm, then her next feeding was 12 hours later at 7am, then no feeding for the next 7 hours…I think I’ll stop making milk now.” Even given that I left the restaurant early and skipped the last game, the cake, the present-opening and the socializing at Lily’s house and was home just in time when Allie woke up at 1:40p to feed her, this was still the longest I’d been away from the baby since she was born. I’m embarrassed to say how many times I checked the baby monitor on my cell phone. Mr. W put her to sleep for her morning and noon naps and said he didn’t have a problem, so that’s good. It makes me feel better that she doesn’t have to have me do it.

I thought this was funny…
One of their guests is a coworker/superior who had introduced the two. They call her their “matchmaker.” She’s a doctor, like Lily and her husband, and pretty smart. One of the games they played was to have the guests guess Lily’s stomach circumference by cutting a length of plastic ribbon that’s supposed to go around her middle just right. When the roll of ribbon got to the matchmaker, instead of just unrolling it to a length she thought would go around Lily’s middle, she pulled out a calculator and started tapping away. “What are you doing? Are you cheating?” another guest asked her. She said she had a dress made when she was approximately Lily’s size and she knew her waist measurement then, but that was in centimeters and the ribbon’s printed with inches, so she was trying to figure out a conversion.
“You’re supposed to EYEBALL it! No algorithms!” another guest said in protest.
What a group of overachievers. Haha!
Anyway, I asked this matchmaker doctor to take a photo of me with the parents-to-be right before I left, and just because someone is smart in their field doesn’t mean they could take brilliant photos, because this is how she chose to frame the photo of us commemorating a pregnancy:

Hahaha! Oh, well.