cindy's world

Frankly, I’m a bit sad that there’s a visible movement away from blogging and reading blogs to keep in touch with faraway or time-challenged friendships. I know that everyone’s more in touch than ever what with text messaging, instant messaging, twittering and social network sites. But that’s just a one-liner here and there, with maybe a few photos. It’s engaging, quick and convenient, but it doesn’t really allow one to lay out one’s mind, revealing thoughts and concepts like the old cliche of laying cards out on the table. I like the records I keep by blogging about things in my life or musing about thoughts I’ve had.

The other night, Mr. W and I watched “The Butterfly Effect” at home. Ashton Kutcher’s character finds that he has an unusual power to go back into certain points of his childhood, still maintain the current consciousness of his adulthood, and change the way he’d acted back then and hence change the future. It’s the old concept of “If I only knew then what I know now, how I would’ve lived differently.” He soon finds, however, that his changes didn’t necessarily make for a better future, and he’d re-do the past over and over again, trying to find the “right” solution so that his loved ones don’t end up dying, dead, a heroin-addicted prostitute, with the wrong people. Coincidentally, my beloved non-blood sister Jordan was on her social networking page wishing to find the Re-Do Store, so she could relive specific times of her recent past and change some decisions that have now brought her to unhappiness. Of course I was not a stranger to the same thoughts. “I want a re-do of this time period and completely eliminate this person from having had a place in my life.” Who hasn’t thought that, in some form or other? “I wish I’d never met you.” “I wish that on that ill-fated day in January, I had not accepted your stranger’s invitation to share the table with you at the crowded Starbucks, and had gone home instead, never to have seen you again, nor to have even learned your name.” Sometimes I’ve wished for re-dos so fervently, with every fiber of my existence, that it seemed impossible that I DIDN’T go back in time.

But how do I know that I didn’t? Maybe the fact that I’m alive right now and that my loved ones are alive, healthy (for the most part) and generally content, IS the best proof that I AM on my desired path. Maybe in some alternate reality, life is a whole lot worse, and this path I’m on right now is the “corrected” path. The problem with magically going back and correcting something by eliminating a pain is that without having experienced the pain, you’re unaware that you’re NOT in pain. I wish I hadn’t turned on Jeronimo Street that annoying morning when I got my first speeding ticket months ago, but if I could go back and fix that, I wouldn’t KNOW that I avoided a ticket, so I couldn’t even appreciate it. I’d probably be bitching about something else I wish I could go back in time to avoid. That being the case, how do I know that daily decisions I’ve made HAVEN’T effectively prevented disastrous results? I made it to work alive, with no damage to my car, no ticket. That’s a pretty successful morning, and maybe if I’d only left 5 minutes earlier or later, I would’ve been involved in a collision and right now I’d be wishing I could go back and leave when I actually DID leave. So really, who’s to say that there’s anything WRONG with current life, or that we DIDN’T get our wishes of preventing trauma?

All you can do is live now with the future in mind, i.e. In 10 years, how do you want to look back to today and see your life? These are thoughts I’d had for decades, and never really knew how to express them conceptually. I’d probably come back and read this in the future and think, “What?! What the hell was I rambling about?!” See, you can’t express this stuff properly on a status message. You also can’t go back and search through or re-read old status messages from years ago and laugh at yourself.

Mr. W and I got back from Vegas on Saturday just in time to meet up with Vanessa and Jay at our house and the four of us had a great time sipping beer (the guys) and sangria (the girls plus Mr. W) at the Lake while Johnny Lang conducted his concert there. I have no idea who Johnny Lang is, even now. I was too busy chatting with my friends! Since we weren’t around to reserve center-stage spots this time, we didn’t have a great view of the stage and I didn’t take photos. I probably should have. After the concert, Vanessa and Jay came back to our house and hung out in our backyard on our new round outdoor loungebed, and told us stories of their current house renovation projects. They bought a home for a great price, but the work they’re putting into it made me dizzy. Mr. W and I talked about it a bit afterwards, were impressed with and happy for the couple’s home progress, but we were thankful we didn’t have to go through that with our house a year ago. I’m just not that handy of a person, and Mr. W had other priorities at the time (such as moving us in and getting married). Vanessa took photos of our entertainment backyard for “inspiration” as they start to design theirs.

Now, on to yesterday, my first furlough day. In the current world-wide financial straits and the California budget crisis, the Courts are trying to stave off lay-offs by spreading around the dollar cuts earlier rather than later. In our county, the courts will shut down most of their functions the 3rd Wednesday of every month. The categories of employees who are not exempt from this budget cut (me) have that day off without pay. Of course there was audible dissent among people about this, but I’d personally rather do my part and lose a day of pay a month than have 1/4 of our workforce laid off next year. Plus I looked very forward to my free day. This first one, Mr. W (who still hasn’t returned to work yet after his mid-February heart episode) and I met up with Dwaine and a friend of his, Sophie, at Huntington Beach.

We were all off work for different reasons. Mr. W is on workman’s comp/IOD; I’m on furlough; Sophie played hookie by calling in sick; Dwaine lied and said he was out of the office in meetings all day with clients and pseudo-worked off his Blackberry phone. It was a blast! We met at Sharkeez Bar on Main Street, had a few drinks, Dwaine claimed he could pull off wearing my girlie sunglasses and still look cool and I said the only way he could look cool in those glasses would be if two girls were also in the photo looking interested in him, and I was WRONG. See for yourself.

Hi, here’s me with my sensitive friend, Dwaine. He was at the Pride Parade in San Francisco last month.
After I retrieved my sunglasses from Dwaine, we laid out on the beach for awhile.

See that red bikini behind Dwaine’s right shoulder? That’s the best photo of me you’re gonna see from the entire beach day.

Dwaine decided to come by us and do a fobby pose.

Friends don’t let friends be fobs alone.

I stayed out of the water as ankle-deep in I realized I did NOT want to freeze my goose bumps right off my body, but the three of them frolicked in the waves for a bit. Back on the sand, Dwaine waged war with a bee as Sophie and I prepared to run should the bee dig its way out of the giant sand pile Dwaine pushed on it.

Of course Dwaine kept digging the bee back out just to see where it was, but when it came out he’d freak out, pour more sand over it, and pound it with a fist or a towel. And then he’d dig it out again to see if it survived, and wig out when it did.

I innocently dug around for seashells that Dwaine could take back to his mom.

After a quick and very delicious dinner at Dukes off the pier, we went our separate ways.

It’s too bad not ALL my furlough days could be like this. I already know this, because I went ahead and scheduled two dental appointments on two upcoming furloughs. *sigh* It was fun while it lasted.

It seems like lately, if I didn’t have photos of something I did or somewhere I went to post up, I just don’t have the time or spur to blog about it. I guess that means I’m not in need of writing therapy? There are a lot of things and people that excite me these days. (No, not like that.) Last week, I was “surprised” with a week off that I hadn’t planned for. I’d been on the wait list for the week after July 4, but due to my nonexistent seniority at work, didn’t expect to get it. I went into work on Monday and found a relief clerk sitting at my desk. Since I’d driven the 50 miles to work anyway, I stayed and took Tuesday through Friday off. Wednesday morning, Mr. W and I spontaneously drove to Las Vegas to visit his family. Entire new people have come into existence since we’d last been there, such as…

Lydia. She was born in the beginning of May to Mr. W’s Gamer Bro’s daughter, Jenni. On Friday, Jenni needed her mother Lisa to babysit Lydia, and Lydia showed up like this:

Say it with me! “Awwww!” =) On Friday night, Lisa and our other niece Jessica rescued me from a second night of watching Mr. W and Gamer Bro (Lisa’s hubby) play XBox games. The three of us chicks met up at a local night spot recommended by Dwaine, called The Blue Martini Lounge. I had not prepared going-out-clothes, so Lisa and I went shopping on the fly. I told her I didn’t want to outfit myself for any more than $10. She was a bit incredulous, but I pulled it off.

The outfit you see above cost me $8.50: $2.50 cami, $6 skirt. I also bought another sleeveless top that Lisa found for $2.50, so total expenditure on clothing that day was $12 with tax. Of course, in typical Cindy fashion, I find out AFTER I’ve fallen in love with the other sleeveless top that the logo written on the front of it, “World Famous Mustang Ranch,” is a well-known Nevada brothel. =P You know I bought the shirt anyway, but I wore the above outfit for going out that night and not the whorehouse shirt. This cami is safe, I thought, since it says “Miller High Life,” but just because it had the word “Miller” in it, I took the above photo with my cameraphone in the dressing room and texted it to Dwaine for approval. If I’m going to be sporting his last name, I reasoned, I needed his permission. He gave it with all his blessings.
Blue Martini was a swanky place, WAY overcrowded, so we walked around and checked out its happening 4 bars and curved right on back out. We decided to grab a few drinks at downstairs Yardhouse instead, and while the three of us milled around the front entrance, we were offered three complimentary tickets to a comedy improv show across the way from the restaurant. “This would’ve never happened to three guys,” Mr. W had grumbled when he found out. Look how close to the stage we sat!

^ Lisa and Jessica, the girls who rescued me.

Why is this post entitled “Vegas Trip #1 This Month?” Thanks for noticing! It’s because after we arrived in Vegas, we found out that Mr. W’s Chicago brother and their family, whom I’ve never met, were about to take a road trip to Vegas for the second half of the month. My parents-in-law want to take this rare opportunity for a family reunion photo, so we’re going BACK to Vegas for the last weekend of the month. Jessica and I planned for fun with a family paintball match on Saturday the 25th. Her friend had opened a paintball field and Jessica came through big time with free admission and free equipment rental for the family; we just have to buy their paintballs. I had been unsuccessful in getting Mr. W to play before, but this is for and with his FAMILY! He agreed to follow through. Imagine THOSE photos!

This is the Independence Day + Cindy’s Birthday celebration which took place on Friday, July 3, 2009.

The fun started at the Lake, where we hung out and had margaritas & beer. Once most people arrived, I shuttled 9 friends on the partyboat for an hour, chatting and enjoying the view. The three guys (Mr. W, Edgar and Eddie) decided to take out a sailboat. The three guys’ girls didn’t think it was the best idea, considering Mr. W had only sailed once before with the help of Mr. Englyng, and the other two had never set foot on a sailboat prior. “How hard could it be?” Eddie insisted in his USC tanktop which I would’ve thought he’d worn only to rub me the wrong way, if I didn’t already know that 90% of Eddie’s wardrobe and office supplies paid allegiance to the Trojans. On our way back in to dock, we saw this:

We pointed and laughed and took photos. This photo is courtesy Coworker Sandy, who was on my electric partyboat. Apparently the guys drifted into the fenced-off swim area so lifeguards had to go rescue them before they ran over little kids. I heard that a lifeguard teased Eddie, “That’s funny…I’ve never had to tow in a BRUIN before!” That’s RIGHT. Cuz we Bruins don’t get stuck. Edgar insisted what we witnessed was not an embarrassment; it was valet-service.

Around this time Vanessa had arrived, so she, along with Mr. W, Eddie (who probably wanted to redeem himself on water) and godson Evan hit the Lake in 4 kayaks. The rest of us stayed on land and chatted.

It was 12-yr-old Evan’s first time kayaking, and I hear he did very well. Now it was off to the house for the Cocktails & BBQ portion of the day.
While I tended bar…

…Mr. W tended to the food.

Don’t say we didn’t have pretty edibles.

Didja get a load of the jello shots? Peach: 25% vodka; lime: 33% vodka; strawberry: 50% vodka.
I had a blast making cocktails! People were very good about ordering experimentally off my prepared menu, which had 40+ cocktails and 10+ shots on it. My guests were VERY generous. I had so many Costco-sized bottles of alcohol that the best way I could pour was carefully tipping it into a shotglass while it sat on the counter.

Here the guys are holding B52 shots.

Vicky was very happy with her liquor intake. Here she’s holding up an Amarita. She already had jello shots, a double purple hooter, and some other stuff.

A few people (Dwaine, James, childhood friend Sandy and her date Michael) stayed into the night and we shared great conversations and laughter, although largely the topic seemed to revolve around Dwaine’s theories about single women. THAT was entertaining.

Most of the above photos are from Vanessa’s and James’ cameras. I think Coworker Sandy’s hubby has photos of the other 80% of the guests. 🙂

I was looking through my old emails to find a contact regarding the Orange County criminal case we did, and stumbled upon a whole gob of emails I hadn’t opened because I was away on vacation going nuts with Jordan and James in Florida. Among those were some photos taken by the secretary at the Service Awards Ceremony. Here’s me trying not to cry outwardly at having been here 10 years…

In the audience of my courtroom with another clerk, Star. Star was honored, too, but had quite a bit more over me in seniority.

Here I’m being roasted by the boss.

The big wigs (courthouse administrator, presiding judge of the district aka my Family Law Resource Judge, district court administrator) and li’l ol’ me.

These are the honorees who DIDN’T ditch the ceremony.

…and now I’m officially 33.

This has been a great weekend so far. Saturday we did a four-way celebration at Ruth’s Chris for an early dinner: Mr. W’s daughter’s high school graduation, Mr. W’s son’s 20th birthday, my 33rd birthday, and his belated father’s day. After dinner, Mr. W and I walked to the Lake and watched the free Chris Botti concert. It was uh-MAIZE-ing. Click his link and have a window open with your speakers on as you read this to get a taste of my experience. Our lake association has magical powers. Not only did we get Chris Botti to come give a great concert, but he brought along top-notch musicans to play piano/keyboard, electric guitar, drums and bass guitar. These are Grammy winning musicians. The sun set over the lake as the jazzy bluesy notes seemed to make the very water ripples dance in syncopation, and my husband and I lounged on our reclining beach chairs before settling down on our backs on the blanket to watch the stars. Mr. Botti, you have a new fan. And I love your personality and stories.

Today, Mr. W and I got out of the house early to meet Brad L. for breakfast at an authentic German restaurant in Anaheim, Jaegerhaus (correct name has an umlaut over the “a”). Brad’s in SoCal with his family for a wedding. We had a great time chatting about geoducks and cell phones over breakfast, and remarked how the last time we saw each other, we were all single. Then we came home and I made a batch of lime jello shots (whew, mental note to lighten up on vodka for the party batch!) as testers before heading off with Mr. W to meet my parents, grandma, and grandma’s youngest sister visiting from Taiwan, for dinner. Afterwards we brought a little artsy green tea cake to Grandma’s to hang out and chat.

They talked about wishing they had a camera to document the day, and then everyone realized they had cameraphones, so out those came.

You have to imagine me with MY cameraphone behind my parents doing the same thing.

I’m optimistic about the coming years. Brad gave us a great lead for an all-inclusive guided tour trip through Japan, and we’re looking into it. For more immediate things to anticipate, we’ve spent hundreds in preparation for my upcoming bday shindig, and I’m surprised and flattered at how many people are planning to attend. And soon, I have the jujitsu campout trip in mid-August to look forward to. Between then and now, many bike rides on my new hybrid bicycle (birthday present from Mr. W), and many kayaking outings at our lake.

With prodding and prompting and occasionally downright pushing from Mr. W, I’ve decided to do an intimate (<20 people) birthday barbecue and cocktails event. We have an entertainment backyard, Mr. W recently purchased a nice fancy BBQ grill, and we ought to take advantage of our proximity to our private lake, only a mile away. I sent out the Evite over the weekend.

The plan is to have two legs of activities, lakeside fun (beach volleyball, kayaking, partyboating, pedalboating, sunning in the sand, fishing, swimming, etc, and did I mention you can drink on the partyboat?) from 1pm to 5pm, and back to our house for the barbecue and cocktails at 5pm. People can come to either/both. The Evite instructs people not to bring a gift but to bring a bottle of liquor instead (cuz gifts will make me feel old but alcohol makes everyone feel happy!). There’s a dropdown menu that lists all the liquors I need, and as people select one, it disappears from the menu. The idea is that with everyone’s participation, I’ll have a full bar up and running (Mr. W and I will take care of mixers, garnishes, supplies, food, beer, bartending, cooking) so I’ll get to combine some of my favorite things on my birthday: friends, outdoor recreational activities and mixology. I’m coming up with a drink menu, which I’ll attempt to make as personalized as possible. If this works out, maybe it can be an annual event.

I’m gonna be 1/3 of a century old. I’m gonna NEED a drink. Or ten.

I absolutely believe in the resilience of the heart and soul, and with each healing day, the return of the mind. I’ve found that being in an environment rich with humor, nurturing, learning, and support speeds up recovery by streaming positive energy at the injury, although I think time alone eventually helps one arrive at peace and balance, too, albeit this may be a slower path for some. For myself, I am grateful for every smile received, every hand extended, every light shone on me, and every type of wonder I’ve been open enough to realize I’m in the presence of. I am filled with appreciation for all my healers. The world has brilliance, and I welcome it.

I didn’t even notice it till now, but my blog is 4 years old this month! Happy birthday, bloggy. Mike (“wilco”) brought it into existence June 1, 2005, but my first post was June 3. It’s odd to read some of the really old stuff and see that I’ve come full circle and even recently had some of the same feelings. I think I’m at a pretty decent place now, though. And like in June, 2005, I am inspired to DO stuff. I’m a little bummed to see some of the stuff I had on my list then that I still am unable to cross off, but I think my list now is more realistic. For example, instead of getting a Honda street bike, I’m getting a mountain/road hybrid bicycle. Much healthier. I’m back to wanting wholesome activities in my life — camping, hiking, biking, and now I add kayaking to the list. And I can’t say there was NO progress in my life. In the last 4 years, the blog holds evidence that I’ve…
* picked up a martial art, and stopped going to the martial art.
* picked up belly dancing, and stopped going to belly dancing.
* got certified in mixology.
* made some brand new lifelong friends — who says that once you’re in your 20s, you’ve already got everyone in your life that you’re gonna be close to? Right, Vanessa, Josh, Ann, Mike, Christi, Brigitte, Jordan? I probably left some people out.
* reconnected and bonded tightly with some old friends, who’ve grown up a lot.
* picked up a godson.
* ran my first half-marathon.
* dated some weird and wonderful people, and married one.
* bought my second house
* cured Dodo’s eye issue and got him out of his cone for the first time since 2001 (the new vet helped a little, too. 🙂 )
* checked Cancun, Hawaii, Florida, the Caribbean, off from the will-visit list

…and most recently, got my first speeding ticket; got my first parking ticket.

This month, I will hit the 1/3-century mark.

The last posts were so chock-full of gosh-darn wholesome goodness that I need to post something less wholesome to even things out. How else would this blog represent me?

I JUST had the realization a couple of weeks ago, and confirmed with Dwaine last week, how the male mind works when it sees a female. I’d always kinda thought of it as, guys just admire the appearance of something aesthetically, like “Hey, nice rack.” That’s what we girls do. “She’s got a tiny waist, I’m jealous.” “Nice shirt.” “Cute butt.” But then it occurred to me that maybe guys go beyond just a 2-D perspective of the view, they actually IMAGINE stuff while looking at the subject. So I asked Dwaine about it.

He said that for men, it’s an aesthetic appreciation of what they see WHILST a porno is simultaneously playing in the guy’s head. So it’s more like, “She’s got a tiny waist, I can imagine my hands around it while I’m pounding her from behind.” “Nice rack, bet it’d look better if I went up to her and yanked her shirt buttons open.” It was quite an epiphany! He said that the porno is automatic and even plays when the view ISN’T pleasant, which is why guys cringe and have those awful expressions when they see a giant rolly woman wobble her way around the beach in a bikini.

How did we get on this topic? On the drive back from Yosemite, I received a text from Dwaine that said, “I’m at a bar in Brea and my bartender is REALLY hot. I got her number. ;-)”
So of course I wanted to know where this new bar is. How could there be a new bar open where I frequent that I’m not aware of?
Dwaine: “It’s a new bar called Sky Lounge. Opened 3 weeks ago. It’s my first time here and I really like it. Great location and layout… We should grab a drink here some time, but not while my girl is workin. ;-)”
So I protested. “Hey, I’ve been a good wingwoman in the past!”
Dwaine’s response: “Yeah, but she might see you as competition. You fucked up at got too hot.”
I actually GIGGLED before I realized the back-handed insult.
Me: “How slick is someone who could tell one girl about hitting on another girl, but yet make the first girl feel good about it and herself at the same time? *bowing down*”
Dwaine: “It’s a gift.”
And then somehow the conversation went from that to all the dancing cleavage at the Renaissance Faire, and then much later still about theories re FTFs.