cindy's world

(written earlier this morning; borrowing a coworker’s internet access to post)

It’s 9:05a and I’m already having a wonderful day! I started the morning in a great mood because the meeting with the management company last nite went extremely well. This is a godsent company, which is not only professional with unprecedented response time in my couple days of dealing with them, but the CEO I spoke with was pleasant, had all the answers I needed and wanted to hear, was chock-full of experience, and was extremely flexible. The company also had tremendous resources. They can strip my bathroom wallpaper, retexture and paint, clean, replace blinds, etc. at a fraction of the time and expense for me to do it myself. They already have an interested renter in my place! So they’ll do all the applications, pull credit reports and background records on potentials. If an eviction is necessary, they’ll handle all that, too! I don’t even have to be there. They’ll pay the monthly bills and send me accounting at the end of the month. And they’re cheaper than any other management company I’ve heard of. Woohoo!

When I finally got my outfit put together for work, I had a strange “first” for me. I looked strangely “too” skinny in the mirror. I don’t get it; I looked chunky naked, I could see gross fat, but when I put my clothes on, they fit too loosely to look good. So I had to change the shirt a few times to go with the narrow short skort I put on (which I couldn’t get into comfortably for a LONG time). The shirt I ended up wearing was fitted across the shoulders and chest, but loose from the ribs down. Really, really odd. But it’ll have to do, so I left the house. I hummed along with my MP3s playing in my car in the drive to work, had a decent drive without hitting my usual 27 straight red lights, and as I walked from the parking lot to the building, I was aware that the skort was so roomy around the waist that it was actually riding up and getting even shorter at the leg. Good thing there’s shorts under the skirt part, but from outside it still looks like I’m wearing an extremely short skirt that’s growing shorter with each step. Oh well, I’m still a bit late, so I keep walking. As I walked through the metal detectors and collected my purse at the other side, a suited tall gentleman in front of me, who had turned to face me, said, “Hello.”
Thinking it was someone I knew, like a DA or private attorney, I replied pleasantly, “Hi!” Then I looked up to realize that this isn’t someone I knew, altho he looked familiar so I’m sure he’s a regularly returning attorney. Probably in his late 30s or early 40s, well-dressed.
“You are so pretty,” he said discreetly to me. Is this sexual harassment? I looked down and realized I am indeed wearing my employee badge, so he knew he was talking to court personnel.
“Thanks!” I smiled at him trying not to look as taken aback as I felt, pulling my purse strap over my shoulder and walking around the detector to get to the employee elevator.
“You’re welcome. You are so pretty.”
“Thank you, you’ve made my day,” I said nicely.
“Well, have a very nice day,” he waved and was off.
It must be because I only put on 2 layers of my BareMinerals foundation instead of my usual 3 as per Anny’s advice on the phone last night. Wow, she was right. Haha.

Going into the employee elevator, I was stuck with a floating court reporter who had sought me out in a stalkerish way earlier in the week. On Monday or Tuesday, I accidentally ran into him in the crowded elevator after lunch, and he followed me out on my floor then waited outside in the employee hallway for me in a very obvious way as I dodged out into my court reporter’s office to stall and wait for him to go away. But he didn’t. And I turned the corner on my way back to see him and pretended not to see him but he blatantly called me out so I had to stand there and make uncomfortable smalltalk for 20 minutes as nobody came to rescue me and he refused to take my body language hints of leaning into my door trying to get inside and not inviting him and not divulging personal information despite his prying and not looking him in the eyes. My supervisor even walked by a couple times and I’d taken the opportunity to tell the reporter, “Why does he always catch me when I’m not working?!” but the reporter didn’t take that hint to let me get back to work, either. When I finally ended the conversation after blaming my judge for a stack of imaginary work, I returned to my desk to email my supervisor that we need a secret code word when I’m stuck in a conversation I didn’t want to be in. My supervisor wrote back that henceforth the “secret word” shall be, “May I ask you a question about the death penalty case that we’re doing?” and he’ll rescue me. If you asked why I didn’t tell this reporter guy that I’m engaged, I DID. He went back and harped on that but did not leave me alone. And this morning, he gabbed with me for a bit, and then called me from his courtroom 15 minutes later to finish gabbing. And then he asked me if I had any single Asian friends. Like I would subject any one I cared about to this boredom! In the words of my gym trainee, he’s a total dork. But luckily I was able to be honest when I told him that each Asian female I know or am related to is in a relationship currently or married. He went thru his dating resume (stable job, nice guy, has a condo…) and asked me to keep him in mind as he’s currently looking for a girlfriend-slash-relationship. I agreed. Uh, any single Asian chicks out there wanna date a tall Korean court reporter, stable job, not dangerous personality, appears to be pretty educated, non-fobby, 34 years old? Leave a comment.

I got a call from my realtor today. I’m not sure if I’ve ever said it on this blog, but I know I’ve said even recently in real life, that I hope the 2nd house’s 50%-down offer falls thru and they come crawling back to us but WE won’t be available anymore, and that’d serve them right for their underhanded dealings and lies.

So my realtor said that he got a call from another realtor from the same office of the one he’d dealt with in House #2, and this realtor said that the guy who’d offered 50% down hasn’t given them the documentation that he has the cash to back up his offer, and wanted to know if we were still interested in House #2. Are you freaking kidding me?! After they LIED to us about how if we go in at the price we offered, we’d be immediately accepted and then go into Escrow, and THEN when we did exactly as they said, we were jerked around for a week until our offer for House #1 expired altho House #2’s agent kept saying, “Tomorrow, you’ll get an answer tomorrow,” and tomorrow didn’t come for a week, and THEN they gave the house to someone else who didn’t even make an offer until ours sat and got stale that entire time?! F them! I was happy to learn our agent already told them off and asked how could his clients (us) trust them, after the experience we’d had with them? They have no credibility with us now. That agent said, “I understand, but you can trust me.” WHATEVER. They didn’t say they terminated the offer with the guy who offered 50% down. They just said he wasn’t showing documentation and that they were frustrated with him. I can totally see that they’d make us pull out of Escrow with House #1, lose our deposit there, then tell the 50% down guy that they have another buyer lined up to pressure him, and then he’d say, “Oh, sorry, here’s my 50% right here!” and they’d give the house to him AGAIN and screw us AGAIN. Forget that! It was not going to happen. I believe a touch of fate exists in househunting, and EVERYTHING points to House #1 as The House and House #2 as The Distractor. And we already learned that lesson. I doubt House #1 would take us back again if we left them hanging a second time, and I wouldn’t blame them. They’ve been nothing but patient and forthright with us, which is the exact opposite of the people involved in House #2.

Mr. W is mad about the whole thing cuz he still prefers House #2, but my message to House #2 is merely, “PPPPTTTTTTHHHHHHHH!!!” I hope they end up stuck on the market for a long time, and finally sell to someone who gives them like 5% down. HA!

On another good note, I found a freaking INCREDIBLE rental management company that I’m gonna retain to lease out my place. They’re affordable, they do all the work, have great references and experience, and even go above and beyond MY expectations and hopes in their services. They can find renters for my place way more quickly than I can. I have an appointment with them to come see my place tomorrow evening. OH, and they even have an in-house team who’ll do home repairs and renovations more inexpensively than my hiring an outside contractor to fix my ceiling (from the leaks earlier in the year) and get rid of my bathroom wallpaper. Just like that, all my rental headaches solved!

Well, I didn’t eat the giant chocolate chip cookie last nite. At about 11:30p I turned off the big screen satellite TV downstairs and went to watch the tiny static-y analog TV upstairs in my bedroom to remove myself from temptation. And promptly fell asleep. Disaster averted. Or rather, postponed.

What did I do with my first day of food freedom? The cupcake was still there in the courtroom when I walked in. I ignored it. For about an hour and a half. And then I thought about this poor loner cupcake sitting by itself, unwanted, and felt so bad for it that I ate it. But just as a public service. I did not enjoy it. I had instant reflux very quickly after the cupcake so I thought I’d even out the sugar with a cup of fresh coffee, no sugar, just unsweetened soy milk. And then I realized that coffee is acidic, and wondered what the hell I was doing to myself. I had a few animal crackers the remainder of the day and that’s it. When I got home I ate the giant chocolate chip cookie which was not that good, either. OH, and I was on a giant caffeine kick, all jittery and crazy the rest of the day from the coffee.

I think I’m over the junk food now.

(Read this with an Edgar Allen Poe voice in your head.)

‘Tis two hours left of this dark day, one hundred twenty minutes in a bleak countdown to end the week. Seven days with claws digging into your flesh, seven days of a spirit-sucking demon whispering over your ear, driving you to end this, end this, even as you sit in helpless misery and the damp secretions of your desperation hang off your brow and eyes like so many ignored and inconsequential desires. This week is a dream killer. Worse than that, it brings to mind fantasms of possibility which tease you to reach a weak hand to it, only to have these hopes instantly dispel as strange voices and things unnamed laugh and mock. The drain on your mind and soul after mere days bleed into a growing emptiness inside, and suddenly you are nothing. Nothing but what you never could be and will never touch again. Seven days draw to an end, but the closer this end comes the farther it pulls away, reminiscent of the near stopping of time when one is on the Stairmaster.

Midnight, almost midnight. The symbolic 00:00 o’clock, signaling the demise of this last day when the shackles disengage and life begins anew. Is it cheating, then, is it a soul-sacrificing sin to, in two hours, touch that elusive haunting giant chocolate chip birthday cookie, or will I be trading in forevermore the fantasy of physical thinness that compelled me to chain these shackles upon my then-innocent being seven long days prior? Have I been transformed, or have I learned nothing…?

Day 7: BROWN RICE, UNSWEETENED FRUIT JUICE, AND VEGETABLES. Again, stuff, stuff yourself. Be sure to have the soup at least once today.

I had to get to work early, so I didn’t pack a lunch of veggies or brown rice. I only brought along a container of the veggie soup. And you know what my court reporter brought to work? Homemade cupcakes!! With chocolate frosting! She’s NEVER brought cupcakes before. Of course it has to be during my diet week. My judge had one, my courtroom assistant (I presume) had one, cuz 2 were missing. When my reporter realized I was still on my diet, she blocked the cupcakes and told me not to look. Well, I did look. And then I went back and looked again. Later on in the day I walked by them and peered in yet another time. But I did not touch. Not even with my tongue. Not even when I had to bitterly drink half my soup before the noon workout and the other half plus a handful of raw snowpeas (donated by Gym Trainee) after the workout, craving carbs. There was one cupcake remaining in the container when I left for the day. It better be gone by the morning.

I am so scared that without the excuse of “diet” to refuse all this food this week, I’m gonna eat my way back into unfunny expressions like “I have a perfect body. It’s just wrapped in fat to keep it from getting scratched.”

I was starving when I got home, and the brown jasmine long grain rice was so fragrant and satisfying. I steamed the rice and mixed it with some (formerly) frozen seasoned veggies, had some soup with half a raw green bell pepper, and a big glass of unsweetened orange juice. I haven’t been full like this for a long time. But when I changed into my loungewear earlier right after I’d eaten, I could swear I look fat again.

Maybe Mr. W is right. If being full triggers me to think I’m fat, maybe I am anorexic. Our IMs earlier:

Cindy: *drinking yummy tasteless vegetable mush *
Mr. W: *drinking Martini
Cindy: *pout *
I’m scared I’m gonna eat everything in sight next week adn gain 10 lbs.
Mr. W: Thats usually what happens after a diet
Diets are bad….
Bad Diet
Bad
Cindy: are you wagging your finger at me?
Mr. W: No the diet
Cindy: I think losers pig out both before and after the diet.
and they reward their diets with food.
both of which are totally counterproductive to the act of dietingl
I’m not one of those fools.
I don’t start my diet on a “monday” just so I can shovel food in my face on the weekend.
I taper my food and give my diet a running start.
and I’m not gonna eat the “yay you deserve it” cupcake tomorrow.
*shaking fist *
Mr. W: r u off ur soap box now?
Cindy: *looking down *
Yes.
Mr. W: If u r looking down u r still on it
Cindy: What, you didn’t like the “Battle Hymn of the Republic” playing in the background while I was typing?
Mr. W: U do fine with your life style changes.
U don’t eat fast food…U moderate your sweets and snacks
and U plain eat healthy
Almost Always
Cindy: then why do I still jiggle when I move? *sob *
Mr. W: U have anorexia Syndrome
U will always think that
Cindy: i won’t think that if I don’t jiggle.
Mr. W: because your Mom ingrained that in you
Cindy: i’m not fat compared to californians but I”m fat compared to chinese.
Mr. W: Bones in the mirror still look fat to anorexics
Cindy: but I literally jiggle.
you see ripples like waves when I move.
Mr. W: I like your curves. If you become boney I won’t like That.
Cindy: oh, really?
Mr. W: Ethiopians are gross
Fobs are gross
Cindy: HAHAH
Mr. W: Boney arms and boney ribs..Blah
Cindy: I won’t be boney, I have too much muscle for that
Mr. W: Now calves and definition..Thats what I’m talking bout

Day 6: BEEF AND VEGGIES. Eat to your heart’s content of the beef or lean meat and vegetables this day. You can have two or three steaks if you like with green leafy vegetables, but no baked potato. Be sure and eat the soup at least once today.

I had the soup for brunch since I still can’t bring myself to eat red meat for breakfast. For lunch, as you’d know if you’d read the previous post, I ordered a Caesar salad, no croutons, with bland broiled shredded chicken. The salad was good because it had some flavor, but I was pretty sure the salad dressing and parmesan provided more fat and calories than the diet had intended. I only drank water. For dinner, Mr. W brought out a thick cut of beef steak from his freezer and I cooked it on the George Foreman grill, again seasoning it mildly with dried barbecue seasoning. Mr. W had a pork chop which he didn’t even get 3 bites into before he threw it away, since the both of us decided simultaneously that meat no longer tastes good to us. Maybe there’s something wrong with the freshness of our meat, or maybe we’re just used to clean eating. But meat — yuck. Gamey. I’m good not eating it for awhile, unless it’s poultry or fish. I practically felt my body hit ketosis after dinner. Blech.

The scale did not budge at all today. One more day, and I’m celebrating the end of this nonsense diet with frozen yogurt.

(As always, rest mouse pointer on photos for captions.)

Mr. W and I met up with my realtor, his wife (as they are long-time friends of my parents’), and my parents at our future new house for a home inspection today. I think my mom was relatively happy with the house, altho she still complained about it being too far away. I have to say, tho, you never realize all the little issues you have with a place until you do a home inspection yourself. There are 3 or 4 switches that seem to activate nothing, we can’t get 3 of the ceiling fans to work altho the lights attached to them do come on, and the garage door lock is installed backwards such that you can click the lock from inside the garage, but you need a key to unlock it from inside the house. Also, the sprinklers seem to have missed a portion of the lawn for some time as patches of grass have died. This was supposedly fixed so we’re just hoping it’s fixed in time to revive the patches. Ideally, we’d also like to upgrade the bathrooms.

See where the grass is yucky?

Mom and realtor’s wife bored.

Mr. W and realtor in kitchen.

Just a note: all the furniture you see is not ours; they’re stuff left behind to “stage” the house so that people viewing it can picture what goes where. Once our place is situated I’ll take more photos. Should be soon; we’re in a 35-day Escrow. Man I hope my place rents right away! I’d like the transition to be seamless.

After the home inspection we all went for lunch at Claim Jumper. Since I was on my diet, all I had was a Caesar salad, no croutons, with shredded broiled chicken. It totally looked like diet food compared to the garlic cheese breads, babyback ribs, sandwiches and delicious food everyone else was having. And then after that we all went to the City’s private lake 2 miles away. Everyone was impressed and made plans for future fishing. After that was a leisurely walk around Dana Point’s beaches, we all climbed some rocks, and then we separated; Mr. W and I went to Costco and then back to his house as my parents and the realtor and wife went to Balboa Island for fishing.

Pretty decent day. Except for the food. Man, Costco had some fine looking cupcakes and ice cream cupcakes. And soft serve frozen yogurt, and chicken bakes, and pizzas.

I can tell by the past few posts that this diet is killing my brain function. My posts are syntactically uncreative and unexpressive. So of course I couldn’t figure out my camera in taking the photo for the last post. The only thing I was excited about all week was purchasing the Ultimate Cat Litter Box, which is shaped like one of those old-fashioned claw-footed bathtubs. Let’s see Dodo kick his litter out of THIS baby. I’m tired of sweeping litter crystals off the floor in the kitty corner all the time, and even having a litter mat (which you can see in the photo) which is supposed to keep litter from rolling everywhere doesn’t help all that much. Unfortunately, I left before Dodo even discovered the new litter box, so I hope he’s doing well with it at home. I better not go home and find cat pee and poo all around the box cuz Dodo couldn’t bring himself to enter something so odd and foreign. But I’m excited to see how he did with it. It’s huuuge.

It’s awfully nice of you guys to bear with me through photos of my cat’s toilet, so tomorrow I’m gonna reward you with photos of our new home. We’re doing a home inspection in the afternoon.

Day 5: BEEF AND TOMATOES. You may have 10-20 ounces of beef and a can of tomatoes or as many as 6 fresh tomatoes on this day. Try to drink at least 6-9 glasses of water this day to wash away the uric aid in your body. Eat the soup at least once this day.

I started off the morning with a glass of water and followed with the veggie soup. I mean, the alternative is beef and no way I’m having red meat for breakfast, especially when I haven’t had any for almost a week. For lunch I cooked about 10 ounces of sirloin beef on the George Foreman grill, and only seasoned it with a dry barbecue seasoning rub (sea salt, dehydrated garlic, onion, carrot, chive, spices). The seasoning tasted SO GOOD. The meat did not. It tasted so gamey to me, and I’m not sure if it’s bad meat or maybe my tastebuds just sensitized from the week of bland vegan food. I opened a can of stewed tomatoes, ate a piece and made an involuntary “yuck” face. It was like eating sugared mushed tomatoes. I checked the ingredients and sure enough, the second ingredient is high fructose corn syrup. Why does everything have sugar in it?! I never noticed because I’d never eaten so blandly for so long before. I managed to eat half the can and switched to eating a fresh tomato, which was much better.

For dinner, Mr. W grilled another 6 ounces of the same sirloin beef for me in a pan and this time it was more tender than it was on the George Foreman grill, but it had the same gamey flavor. I ate the other half can of stewed sugared tomatoes, and chugged water. I watched enviously as Mr. W blended himself a banana smoothie. Mid-steak, I started having the meat sweats. Pretty gross. Mr. W suggested we take a walk and we took a very brisk 3 miler. On the way we passed by a playground, and I said, “I wonder if I can do a pull-up now.” I hung off the pull-up bar and applied pressure to my biceps. To my utter surprise, my body quickly lifted. I dropped off the bar after the pull-up, figuring I’ll stop while I’m ahead. Mr. W proceeded to show me up. Whatever. I think kicking your feet for momentum is cheating, anyway.

When we got back from the walk, I checked my cell phone and saw that I’d missed a call while we were out. It was my friend Erin, whose message included this little gem: “I saw on your blog that you’re doing the cabbage soup diet thing. It looked like you’re on day 5 or day 6. I just wanted to tell you that I did it…and I didn’t lose any weight.” GAH! Why didn’t I know this earlier?! Altho once Vanessa told me this was the infamous Cabbage Soup Diet, I lost all faith in it cuz I don’t believe in fad diets. I did weigh myself today — no change from yesterday. It’s basically just self-inflicted torture for nothing.

I did take a picture of myself today for show n’ tell. I guess it would’ve helped if I’d taken “before” pictures, but oh well.

This lame-ass picture with the obstructive flash was the best I could do. No matter how many lights I turned on, I could not get the flash to not go off. I couldn’t take the flash off, either, cuz then the shutter stayed open too long and I can’t hold the camera steady enough for it to not be totally blurry. I don’t know how to get the shutter speed to go fast AND not have flash. Whateverz.

I’ve also just noticed that Mr. W’s bathroom mirror is pretty dirty.

Day 4: BANANAS AND SKIM MILK. Eat as many as 3 bananas and drink as many glasses of water as you can on this day along with the soup. Bananas are high in calories and so is the milk, but on this particular day your body will need the potassium and the carbohydrates, proteins, and calcium to lessen your cravings for sweets.

If you guys know me, you’ll know how funny today is, cuz I don’t eat bananas and I don’t drink milk. I have not drunk milk in years due to being lactose intolerant, and I’ve stopped eating bananas for a couple of years after learning they tend to make you fat. However, I’m following this diet as closely as I can, so I had a banana for breakfast, then had a glass of 1% milk. The milk tasted funny to me, like it was too rich. I can imagine that if I drank whole milk now, I’d vomit. Anyway, I swallowed 3 acidophilus tablets with the milk and didn’t have much of a problem with it. I highly recommend acidophilus tablets to anyone lactose intolerant; it’s enabled me to eat ice cream again and drink milk, apparently. For lunch, I took Busykitty Vanessa‘s advice and made myself a smoothie with a banana, milk and ice. It was surprisingly delicious! An hour later I had some of the vegetable soup.

I’m not craving sweets, but I am craving crusty French bread like you wouldn’t believe. I saw Ross and Rachel eating it on an episode of “Friends” on TV earlier. I’m trying to drink a little more water today, too, which had me going to the bathroom pretty frequently. Mr. W wanted to go to our new neighborhood to watch the Lake’s fireworks, and I peed twice before we left, but still had to go once we got to our new house and wandered in the back yard for awhile. As we were leaving the house, we drove by a bunch of people in the neighborhood walking in the same direction with fold-up lawn chairs on their backs, so we parked and followed them. Turned out they found a perfect spot to watch the Lake’s firework show, which was SPECTACULAR and three times as long as the city firework show we caught last nite. This was definitely a wealthy town. We also explored a park within walking distance from the new house, and it’s beautiful! Playground plus BBQ area at one side, an entire professional-sized soccer field on the other, walking paths around and throughout. And the best part, a bunch of bunnies hopping around in the twilight! But as I’d worn out my Kegel muscles by this time, we soon drove back to Mr. W’s house, with him making fun of my bladder urges the entire trip back and then some. The first time I’ve had to pee while we were out whereas HE goes thru this 9 times out of 10, and he doesn’t let me hear the end of it. Sheesh. He said I’m like a child and that I should’ve prepared myself better knowing he wanted to spend the evening out watching fireworks, but since I’d peed twice before leaving, I demanded what he expected me to do to “prepare better”, go back in time 4 days and not start the diet?

Speaking of bad timing on starting this diet, I’m slowly adopting a theory that maybe this is the PERFECT time to be on this diet. Just by the sheer quantity of temptation that I’ve had to turn down in the past few days, if I weren’t on this diet, I may have eaten a ton of stuff I have no business eating, and had I not had this reason to reject offered food, I may have even gained weight this week. So that was a close call, good thing I arbitrarily started this diet!

Here’s a new concern I came up with talking to Bridesmaid Sandy earlier. Knowing my body, and especially if this is a fad diet, I won’t lose anything substantial. What if my cravings for deprived food is so intense this week that as soon as this diet’s over, not only would I have not lost anything, but I’ll eat everything in sight next week and GAIN weight? Ack, time for a weigh-in…

117.8 lbs. Not bad. Of course I’ve had virtually no solid food today.