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(I didn’t care for that movie, BTW.)

My mom asked me a couple of days ago about how certain privacy settings on a particular social networking site works. We discussed who can see what information, and she said she’d assumed everything I posted on that networking site is open to anyone who wants to see it. I told her no way; there are some limited items (certain photos, for example) I allow people within one degree of separation to see, but just about everything else is restricted to just people within my circle. Turned out she was asking because a relative of ours in Taiwan, roughly my age, had seen something about me through my mom’s social networking page. The relative had told my mom that she’d looked on Google Maps where I live and made the comment to my mom that “Wow, Cindy lives so far from you.” My mom had of course agreed, since she’d always lamented about the 40-mile distance between our homes which, to my mom, essentially makes me equivalent to having moved to Egypt.
“So you must have your address public,” my mom concluded.
“No I don’t; in fact, I was pretty careful to not put my location on that site AT ALL,” I said.
And then moments later it came to me. On that profile, I’d put my location as Nadi, Fiji. You know, the island near Tahiti? I figured ANYONE would know I don’t actually live in that exotic locale, and that I had used it as a place-filler cuz I don’t want to reveal my actual city of residence. I’ve never even been to Fiji, altho there are photos of me and Mr. W from the Paul Gauguin cruise that took us to the Society Islands (Tahiti, Taha’a, Bora Bora, Moorea, etc) near Fiji. But she can’t see those photos anyway.

It somehow amuses me to picture this relative looking at the limited information about me, seeing “Nadi, Fiji,” googling it to see that it’s an island in the South Pacific practically next to Australia, and then thinking, “Wow, that’s quite a commute to Diamond Bar.”

This is the horrific way I was woken up this morning:

The bedroom window faces the back yard and given the warm weather, was open all night. Bursting through my slumber was the low-pitched yowl of a cat outside. Soon following was a second cat snarl, this time louder and longer, sounding like an angry violent cat scream. In my mind’s eye I saw a cat form, crouched low, ears plastered back, teeth revealed, and I thought, “cat fight.” Simultaneously I felt a wave of peace and gratitude that Dodo is an indoor cat and doesn’t get involved in stuff like that. Within seconds of the cat scream, I heard Mr. W’s voice coming in from the window, saying, “Dodo!!”

Sleep was immediately a lost cause. I listened carefully, and heard the sliding door leading to the back yard close. I half-expected Mr. W to run upstairs into the bedroom in a panic, holding a bloody black-and-white cat, but instead, only heard “normal” morning sounds of dishes and utensils clinking in the kitchen below. I got up, went to the restroom, and crawled back under the sheets, staring into the foggy sky outside. I guess I was hoping Dodo would walk into the bedroom to greet me with his higher-pitched wails, like he does to wake me up and announce himself in the mornings. No Dodo.

Eventually, Mr. W came upstairs and walked in. I was still catatonically staring into space. “What are you doing?” he asked. I turned my glazed stare in his direction. “Dodo is now a battlecat,” he announced rather proudly. I gulped back the resentment I felt, as I had trained Dodo to be an indoor-only cat, but had only learned in the last week or so that unbeknownst to me, Mr. W had been letting Dodo out into the back yard unsupervised in the mornings. According to Mr. W, Dodo just walks around the brick path, sniffing flowers and chewing some lily leaves, sometimes taking tastes from puddles of water made by the early morning sprinklers, and when Dodo was ready to come back inside, he’d meow by the door and Mr. W would open it for him. (I’d seen Mr. W encourage Dodo to go outside before, but Dodo wouldn’t stay there for long, only venturing a few steps out and then running back in within minutes.) This morning, Dodo did his usual round but didn’t yowl at the door to be let back in. Instead, he went for a second round. Mr. W had come back inside, and then heard the fierce yowls that I had heard. When he went to investigate, he found Dodo squared off facing another cat, which Mr. W recognized as a smaller gray tabby belonging to the new people next door (“I guess their cat ISN’T an indoor cat like I’d thought,” he said). When he approached the two cats, the gray tabby turned and ran off onto the low wall. Dodo sprinted after it, which was when Mr. W called out “Dodo!!” and my cat, knowing it wasn’t allowed to go much farther, froze in place. Then Mr. W picked up Dodo and brought him inside, closing the door behind them.

“You shouldn’t leave him outside unsupervised,” I said after his story, frowning.
“I know, I won’t anymore. This is the first time I’ve seen another cat in our yard.”
“He probably smelled the other cat and was being territorial.” I didn’t like the idea that my 13-year-old indoor cat felt the need to defend his house from random younger cats, which cats I don’t even know were properly vaccinated against rabies.
Dodo came strutting in at this point and greeted me, jumping onto the bed as usual, albeit later this morning.
“And now that cat taught Dodo how to get on the wall.” Great, just great. “Dodo kept going back to the glass door and looking outside,” Mr. W said almost gleefully. “He’d take a drink of water, then turn back to the door and look around.” Mr. W imitated the suspicious alert looking-around movements he’d seen in Dodo earlier.
I leaned my face toward my cat, who touched the tip of his damp nose to mine. I rubbed his soft head, telling him, “I know you’re a tom, but you’re not young anymore. Don’t go out there trying to fight stupid little cats, okay?” Dodo didn’t make me any promises.

I was out having a late lunch with Mr. W, his newly graduated son (B.S. in Bio), and his daughter on Friday when I got a text from an old district attorney pal that I hadn’t had contact with in awhile.
DA Joe: Are you at Open Sesame right now?
me: No, at Ruth’s Chris in Irvine. Do I have a doppelganger?
DA Joe: There is a woman who looks like you but eyesight is not what it used to be
DA Joe: You do, I should take a picture
me: Take a picture! 😀 If she’s hideous I’ll have to hunt you down and kick you.
(I was thinking about this.)
DA Joe: No she is hot
me: Whew! Really, take a pic!
DA Joe: Kind of afraid to take a picture
DA Joe: If I can do it subtly I will
DA Joe: I think my lunch companions would trip
me: “Excuse me, I’m sorry to bother you, but I thought you were a friend of mine until I just texted her & found out she’s not here. She wants a picture, do you mind if we take one together? My name’s Joe, I’m harmless, I promise.”
(I figured that’d help him hook up, too, if that’s what he wants.)
DA Joe: Too late she just left
me: Gah! What a tease you are.

Where the heck is Open Sesame? Has anyone seen “me” there? Send me a picture!

Yesterday I posted about my grandma’s little adventure with the emergency room, which came into existence because she was going to have a foot surgery today and was too stubborn to miss out on an overly competitive ping pong match on Sunday, knowing she’d be out of commission post-surgery.

I just spoke to my mom. She and my dad dropped off my grandma for her 8am surgery and my two parents are now hanging out at a park across the street from the hospital. I knew my mom was nervous about driving to the hospital, because it was in a city she’d never been to, and despite her insistence that we all go out and look at cars on Saturday so she could buy the luxury SUV she’d had her eye on, and the fact that she immediately made the decision she wanted that car and bought it on Saturday, she is too scared to drive it. She was lamenting the bad timing of having to drive to this hospital with a new car. I told her it was PERFECT timing, as the new car has a navigation system to help her. But she is totally intimidated by the car. So apparently she made my dad take the day off and drive.
“So where did grandma go yesterday?” I asked.
“Oh! She went to the senior citizen center! Her FRIEND had a BIRTHDAY PARTY! It wasn’t her birthday but she wanted to go.”
“Did she drive, or did someone else take her?”
“She drove! She got a long scolding from me.” Of course my grandma had to go. She’s a socialite and she LOVES cake. She loves sugar. We watched her pour a tablespoon of white sugar into a half bowl of porridge on Saturday for lunch. She uses 4-5 packets of sugar per teacup of coffee. “Your grandma is awesome, man,” my bridesmaid Sandy had remarked upon seeing the coffee thing at our wedding rehearsal dinner. We certainly don’t have the courage to spike our insulin like that, but grandma is fit and her blood test results are consistently better than just about everyone else’s.
“She’s just like a kid,” my mom went on. “My supervisor told me that after her foot surgery, I should take her car keys away and hide them.”
“She’d be mad…”
“Yeah,” my mom sighed. Doesn’t sound like my mom’s going to be mean like that, but she does seem resigned to be chasing around her mother now as if she’d gained a second child.

Yesterday morning, I got news that my maternal grandma had fallen while playing ping pong at the senior living apartments where she lives. She plays ping pong regularly with the people there, and is reigning champion. I guess what had happened was that she fell mid-game, hit the back of her head on the ground, and then another person fell on top of her. She experienced dizziness and trouble standing/walking, but refused to let them call for an ambulance. So my mom was contacted early Sunday morning, she and my dad rushed over, and THEY called 911. By the time I found out about this, mom, grandma, and a family friend were already at the ER.

Grandma was released later the same day — no concussion, no evidence of blood clot/stroke/aneurism, but she did sustain a minor lower back fracture. There’s no way to put a cast on that, so she was given painkillers and told to take it easy. I called my grandma to check on her soon after my parents took her back to her apartment. “It’s the first time I’ve ever ridden in an ambulance!” she told me with almost child-like glee. She explained that there was nothing else wrong with her except for the small fracture, and that she considered the event an opportunity to get her entire body checked, and came out clean. Such a well-adjusted tough old bird. “Your mom was soooo mad at me,” she said discreetly.
“Why would she be mad?!” I asked. Grandma didn’t get into it, but soon got off the phone to take her usual afternoon nap. I figured she misunderstood my mom’s concern.

I talked to my mom today, and mom mentioned that grandma had been really happy I’d called her. I said, “She said you were mad at her!”
“I was sooooooo mad at her!” my mom corroborated.
“You were? Why?”
“She’s a 91-year-old woman, she was already scheduled to have foot surgery on Tuesday, and I TOLD her to stop doing stupid things like playing ping pong! She doesn’t listen! She’s like a child! And you know when she plays sports, she’s aggressive and competitive, she won’t just play casually. This isn’t even the first time she fell. And the person she plays with! They’re always fighting for the ball and pushing and shoving each other. I told her to take it easy and not play but she said she won’t be able to play after her foot surgery so she wanted to get this last game in!” I could picture my grandma (who taught me my killer unreturnable serve, but whom I’ve NEVER been able to beat at either ping pong or tennis despite being 1/3 her age), crouching low at her end of the ping pong table, eagle eyes keen on the ball, about to slice some poor ball invisible before it whacks the opponent on an unsuspecting body part.
“Is she still going to do the foot surgery tomorrow?”
“Yeah, I’m taking her tomorrow. She’ll have to rest completely for a month or so after the surgery, and I told her to take it easy NOW and not go out, because if her driving is impaired by her back fracture and she gets into an accident, she’ll cause more damage to herself AND to someone else. But when I called her earlier, she DIDN’T PICK UP THE PHONE! So she didn’t listen to me AGAIN and SHE WENT OUT! I’m SO MAD!!”
“You don’t know that, maybe she was napping and didn’t hear the phone.”
“She didn’t call me back and I left a message!”
“Did you try her cell phone?”
“No, because I know her — if she’s driving and her cell phone rings, she’ll pick it up! So I never call her when she may be driving.” My mom’s unsaid I-told-her-not-to-drive-and-talk-but-she-doesn’t-listen hung in the air.
“So what are you going to do?”
“I’m going to wait until closer to her nap time and then call her again. She’s just like a kid!” Someone’s gonna get yelled at. Poor grandma.

Mr. W found this whole thing to be HILARIOUS. Not grandma’s fall and injury, of course, but the whole dynamic between my mother and her mother. “Let her live and have fun!” he said.
“Not if it’s causing her injury and risking her life,” I said. I agree with my mom on that point. But mom and I are more conservative than Mr. W and, apparently, grandma.
“I wish I hung out bars where people play ping pong and stuff so I can actually say to people, ‘You call that playing ping pong? My grandma could beat you!’ ”
“Um, people don’t play ping pong at bars.” Maybe in Chicago, where he’s from. But that is a pretty cool concept. We’d tell some cocky table tennis player that my grandma could whip your ass at this thing, and then we’d go to the car and bring out nonegenarian grandma, and she’d proceed to whip his ass with lightning ball blurs. King’s Court was never fun with Grandma, cuz she’d beat me and every one of my friends in succession, then gawk at us when we’re too tired to keep playing her.

If she recovers soon and defies my mom again to play ping pong with the same ridiculous competitive pro attitude, I’m gonna try to video her and post it on YouTube.

It wasn’t my choice to come to this country, because I was too young to be involved in decision-making at age 6…but this has truly been the best decision made on my behalf. Thanks, mom and dad, for the immigration and citizenship, and thank you to our troops, past, present and future, for making this country everything that it has been, is, and will be. Happy Memorial Day, God bless America.

My social networking profile’s status message last night was:

Cindy does NOT understand how the weekend can be over already. Where did it go? This is like how back in 1992 or so, they had never isolated the “naked beauty” (or “naked bottom”) quark. Not that particle physics (bosons & quantum electrodynamics) quite rise to the mystery of disappearing weekends…

I thought it’d be funny cuz, who compares a weekend to particle physics? It’s so arbitrary. (Unless you work for NASA, I guess.) BUT, I also thought that at least a few of my science-minded friends would get a kick out of the analogy of “a weekend you know exists but that you somehow can’t quantify : a quark that all theory points to existing but that still hasn’t been officially isolated and quantified.” But the only comment this status message drew was from my friend Dardy, with whom I had an entire preceding convo about posting this status message before I’d even posted it.

BUT… “Cindy thinks some ice cream is in order now.” 19-comment-long interactive string of conversation with various people.
“Cindy had non-fat yogurt, which then entitles her to full-fat string cheese, right?” 15-comment conversation string, various people, 3 “likes.”

I guess I made an “analogy fail.” =P

Last Friday, my courtroom was “dark” so I called in sick. I was dealing with nausea and couldn’t imagine having to float into a high-stress courtroom I wasn’t familiar with. The plan was to sleep in, but at 6am, Mr. W woke me up with an odd request. “Can you put Neosporin on my head? Part the hair line and try not to get any of the greasy stuff on my hair.” It turned out, when he was in the kitchen taking his plethora of pills, he’d dropped a pill on the floor. After bending to pick it up, he straighted quickly and managed to bang the top of his head into the sharp corner of the granite countertop. He said he left a chunk of scalp, blood and hair on the corner. Ewwww! I was afraid to see skull, and as I gingerly parted his hair, I told him he may need stitches. Luckily, I just saw some nearly congealed (ew) red stuff in a streak, and I applied Neosporin with a Q-tip. When he got home that night, he said he was sitting down at his desk when two coworkers came by to visit, and in looking down at him, they exclaimed about the top of his head. He explained the pill episode.

Yesterday, we tried to shred some items but the shredder was clogged with an envelope that had *almost* made it all the way through. The top of the envelope was just below the feed, visible but unreachable. Since the clogged paper wouldn’t budge, I couldn’t push any new paper down the feed to trigger the shred action. Taking the shredder off the basket and flipping it over, it’s obvious the shredded parts had fallen off the envelope so there was nothing to grasp to pull the remaining bit out of the teeth. Reversing the wheels got the shredding teeth to spin, but the stuck envelope wasn’t long enough to catch and be pushed through the mechanism. The portion of envelope was lodged pretty solidly in there. Mr. W decided to take over. He tried to use his laminated Blockbuster membership card (cuz who needs that anymore?) to push into the shredder feed and force the mechanism and envelope to shred, but the envelope wouldn’t allow the card to go in. He put it on reverse and saw it spinning uselessly. While it was going, he stuck his finger into the slot to try to reach the stuck envelope, causing me to yell, “DON’T STICK YOUR FINGER IN THERE!!” What was he thinking?! He then took the top of the shredder and went to the kitchen counter, trying to dislodge the envelope from the bottom. No go. Then he picked up a pruning knife. “You’re gonna use a KNIFE?!” He ignored me and started stab-pulling at the envelope from the top of the slot. He did this in quick frustrated movements, not with any sort of finesse, and I cringed, picturing the knife getting stuck and then with a hard pull, dislodging and flying into his face. A few seconds later, I watched the knife point, with the force of his pull, go straight into his other hand. He cursed, rinsed his hand in the sink, grabbed a napkin, then went back to the shredder with the knife and repeated his motions. I had to walk out and hide in the living room. Soon I heard more cussing and a “I did it AGAIN! Shit!” Great. My husband was stabbing himself to death in the kitchen, and I would have to explain to the paramedics later that he was fighting a shredder, not a prowler. There was more banging around in there, I think at one point I heard him go into the hall closet for tools, and the one time I peeked, he seemed to be stabbing with a screwdriver. I retreated. Soon, I heard the sound of mechanical spinning. Could it be…?
“Okay, it works now, but my hands look like I’ve been in a knife fight with someone.” It felt like a bittersweet victory, but I did shred something later just so his efforts wouldn’t have been for nothing.

I told him his coworkers are gonna think I’m abusive and kicking his ass at home. (And apparently I’m a really good fighter, too, cuz there’s not a scratch on me. Must be the past jujitsu training.) He threatened to TELL them all his injuries came from me. That made me kind of glad that I’d already posted on the social networking site, while I had been hiding out in the living room, about his caution-to-the-wind fight with the shredder. One of his coworkers had already acknowledged that post. He could tell them whatever he wants, the truth is already out. Ha!
…or MAYBE, I’m just putting “my” truth out there first to set the groundwork for my actual abuse. Hmm. The world may never know.

Oh wait, I can’t. So you guys will have to on my behalf. (See what a great friend I am? I’m giving you an excuse to drink.)

Yesterday, Mr. W dumped me off at home after work and he ran off to meet his son at the gym. I meanwhile spent a nice couple of hours with his daughter. GUESS WHAT THE CONVERSATION WAS! She and her new “Beau” (not his name) had spent the past 2 Saturdays with us + stepson, the first having sushi, and this past Saturday having dinner at a Japanese teppan grill (they all had a blast and loved the goofball teppan chef). Since that cultish religious group (we’ll call it “Fellowship,” which is one word of its name) has evening-into-late-night-activities EVERY SINGLE NIGHT, she and Beau obviously missed a couple. She also missed another day because her car was in the shop, and was about to miss another last night because her car is still in the shop. The “pastor” of Fellowship (I doubt he’s a real pastor, since he’s young and started the group in his living room) totally gave Daughter a hard time. He did not give Beau a hard time. There are other members of Fellowship who come to two activities a week, and they’re not given crap. Beau says they give Daughter crap about it because she’s more easy-going (pushover) and allows them to. But she’d had enough. She pushed back and told the “pastor” that she’s been at EVERY SINGLE ACTIVITY and event for months straight, ever since she joined, and it is not fair of them to give her crap for missing a few events recently so she can spend ONE night a week with her family, and that it is unrealistic to plan events for every Friday and Saturday (social times) and expect her to give up all of her life to participate every single Friday and Saturday. She said her family has already pointed out that she doesn’t have time for them, and that she’s seeing it now, and she’s done a LOT for Fellowship already and they don’t seem to see it or appreciate it, and they instead demand more of her time. Why don’t they get on the cases of the members who are only there one or two times a week? Why harass HER for only missing a couple of times lately? Why can’t SHE be one of those members who only show up here and there? And the straw that broke the camel’s back for her: she attends a women’s smallgroup (the group she’s going to Haiti with) within the large primary church every Monday night. She’s shared with me some of the conversation the smallgroup has, and I’ve been really impressed with the tolerance, coping and life skills the smallgroup instills in its members. The “pastor” of Fellowship (who BTW hates this primary church and complains that the church “sugarcoats” Jesus when it should be pounding threats of damnation and repentance into its members, like he does, and he makes fun of the Thursday night services Daughter goes to at the large church, gives her a hard time for going) told Daughter that she should give up her Monday night smallgroup with the large church and instead come to Fellowship’s smallgroup, newly started and scheduled for Monday nights (coincidence? I think not). He says several of the girls have approached him and said that Daughter should be with them and away from the large church for smallgroup. Daughter put her foot down and said absolutely not. She doubted that the other members in Fellowship’s smallgroup, many of whom she barely knows, would benefit from or care about her being there, and that she gets so much out of her large church’s smallgroup, and they’ve been together so long they’re like sisters, that she feels it’s very beneficial to her and was not willing to leave it. She also took offense to one of Fellowship’s female members who trashes the reputation of her smallgroup leader whenever the Fellowship member gets time to talk to Daughter, no doubt also in an attempt to get Daughter to leave Church for Fellowship altogether. Daughter’s best friend, also an avid churchgoing but not a Fellowship member, also approached her and said honestly, she’s offended because she barely gets to see Daughter anymore herself, but despite that would never say, “Daughter, leave Fellowship and attend only large church events.” But Fellowship has been actively trying to get Daughter to cut off her other ties. Daughter said she cried to Beau about this after he confrontation with Fellowship’s “pastor.”
Beau’s take? “I’m going to go talk to him. He’s NOT RIGHT. You can take whatever time off you WANT to spend time with your family and friends. I think we should rethink this whole Fellowship thing.”
HALLELUJAH!@$#
When she told me this I ran up and hugged her and confessed I’d been concerned about this for MONTHS and was hoping she’d figure it out on her own. I reiterated that when she had her fight with her mom, this was the problem, this unrealistic, unreasonable expectation of Fellowship to take each of her evenings, knowing that forces its members to split from family time; the problem was never about Jesus or her religion. She said she’s seeing it now. She might still be marginally involved with their activity one night a week (such as the day when they hang out and sing to some elderly people in a convalescent home), but she’s not going to be sucked in like before anymore. Kinda like what Rebecca said on Sunday — Daughter’s personal growth will be independent of Fellowship’s cultish practices. Thank You, God!

This is how annoying Fellowship is. The Saturday activity that they were mad Daughter has not participated in for the last 2 Saturdays in a row cuz she’d been with us? They send some of the Fellowship girls to a local Hooters, so they can talk to the Hooters waitresses about Jesus and try to talk them out of their sinful jobs there. For me it’s like, “Leave the poor waitresses alone, they’re not STRIPPERS!” Geez.

With Daughter’s newfound free time, free of Fellowship, she’d cleaned her room, done her dishes, and did a ton of laundry. When school starts today after spring break, she should even have time to study and pass her classes now. Imagine that.

My mom’s been doing really well on the social networking site. She’s added a bunch of photos, untagged herself on others that I’ve posted, changed her profile picture twice, responded correctly to a message I wrote to her via the site. When Mr. W and I visited my parents on Sunday, she explained that she spent some time playing with the site and figured out the things for herself, although initially she had been impressed with how smart the networking site is for recognizing her AND my dad in my photos. And then she discovered photo tagging. She also discovered other people’s photos.
“I looked at every one of your photos yesterday!” she said gleefully on Sunday.
Looks like I did this just in time.

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