cindy's world

My mom cracked me up today. We’re emailing.

Mom:
AUNT JESSICA INVITE YOU AND [Mr. W] OVER FOR NEW YEAR DINNER ON SUNDAY NIGHT AT 6:30 PM, DIANA AND JENNIFER ALSO BRINGING THEIR’S BOY FRIEND OVER. OH, YOU ARE GOING TO WEDDING, RIGHT?

(I don’t know why both my parents want to write in all caps. It’s like I’m 6 again and always being yelled at.)

Me:
no, no wedding. I don’t know the people getting married. We’re free Sunday
night, we just have brunch with the Northern California friends on Sunday in
the day.

Mom:
OH, BOY! YOU ARE GOING TO GAIN WEIGHT! WHY DON’T YOU GUYS COME OVER TO HELP US MOVE FUNITURE AND CLEAN UP ON WEEKEND!

(Their home remodeling is due to be done by Chinese New Year this weekend, and after that will be the big cleanup and furniture moving.)

Me:
we’d already planned on doing that. And I’m working out again. I don’t care if I’m still sick, I gained weight in the last 2 weeks of not working out!

Mom:
DRINK SUGAR FREE ORANGE JUICE, PLEASE!

It seems that a girl (we’ll call her Gina, cuz I don’t know any Ginas) told my girl friend that her boyfriend’s brother is now dating a girl who is “a fat, crazy, Vietnamese lady”, and Gina is concerned that the brother is going to cheat on her. I guess Gina thinks this because she considers the new girlfriend not attractive enough to keep a man. My girl friend had this to say about that: “I told her that there’s no guarantee that he won’t or will because my ex cheated on me with a woman (that he subsequently married) that I felt was inferior to me and I’m sure you could say the same about [the girl who my ex cheated on me with].”

My opinion on cheating men now is that I’ve found they don’t cheat because they’ve found “the one” outside of the relationshp. These cheaters cheat because they’re cheaters by nature. The exceptions, the ones who’ve found “the one” outside the relationship, will break up with the relationship to be with the person they really want. The affair chicks are almost never loved the way the girlfriend or the wife is, and the cheater normally does not leave the relationship for the affair. The side dish is just being used. That being said, if Gina’s boyfriend’s bro is the cheating type, it doesn’t matter how unattractive or attractive the girlfriend is, he’ll cheat. If he’s not, he won’t cheat, and if he finds someone better and leaves her to be with the other person, they weren’t meant to be together anyway.

I’m not saying there are no exceptions to this. I’m sure there are love stories about some guy realizing the person he’s supposed to be with is his girlfriend’s best friend/sister/mother, blah blah, and everyone was behind this and supported it and now they’re one big happy messy family. But what I wrote in the former paragraph is the general rule as I believe it now with regards to male cheaters. I believe that women cheat for a whole different reason altogether. Generally.

V-day: I went over to Mr. W’s armed with a freshly baked banana creme pie from my favorite bakery. Mr. W worked up a sweat in the kitchen opening containers of BBQ babyback pork ribs and roasted whole chicken from Costco. Oh, and he also made mashed potatoes, and by “made,” I mean he dispensed hot water over potato powder and stirred it up. And he made salad, and by “made,” I mean he opened the Costco container and poured the pre-tossed salad greens into a big serving bowl. Dinner was delish; both teenage kids were home but they opted out on the banana creme pie in favor of Costco rice krispies treats. Kids… Oh, and we went to bed early, like at 9p. No V-day nookie. Mr. W was tired. I’m sure all the slaving away in the kitchen exhausted him. (I’m not complaining — I didn’t cook, either.)

Work: Today we did our first civil harassment hearing. It went okay. The plaintiff got his restraining order granted against a chick who’s stalking him. She didn’t show up. Later on in the day, I was reviewing a future harassment hearing. A woman is requesting a restraining order against another woman. The defendant is accused of following the plaintiff around in her car, calling and cussing her out, threatening her, throwing rocks at her house, breaking her car window and her brother’s car window. Seemed pretty crazy, until I read what the plaintiff put in the question about “How do you know the person you want the restraining order against? Please explain.” The plaintiff wrote, “I dated her husband.” Well, hellO!

Bellydancing: Nothing remarkable. Nothing eventful. I felt clumsy but picked up on the routine as we went. At the end of class, as we stood in a big circle holding hands and spent a minute to give silent thanks for the things we are grateful for this day (this is how we end every class with this instructor), I went thru my usual list of being grateful for my health, for being able to take a dance class, for the health of my family and friends, and added to it gratitude for having Mr. W in my life and for my closeness with my friends, especially my girlfriends, even the ones who live far, far away. And for my car.

Relationship: I had a sit-down with an acquaintance over a quick meal of Daphne’s Greek food. She told me about a guy she’s been dating. Unfortunately for her, “dating” describes the relationship less accurately than “booty call.” The guy calls her up maybe once or twice a month. They don’t socialize outside of each others’ houses. When she invites him to do something with her and her friends, he comes up with some excuse and turns her down. He never invites her to events with his friends. He claims to be busy every weekend with his buddies. They don’t plan dates in advance; he just calls to see if she’s available, like, “right now.” He was nowhere to be found on Valentine’s Day, her birthday, and went MIA November through December (Thanksgiving, xmas, New Year’s). She has to think twice before calling him because she was the last one who called and invited him to do something, so now it was “his turn” so that she doesn’t scare him off by being too forward or pushy. She’s on eggshells when it comes to wondering when she’d next see him again. She has to be careful what she says around him in case he finds she’s getting too attached and backs away from her. She’s floored when he’s nice to her, like kissing her goodnight and being sweet for a whole evening. It’s awful!
I remember when I was in her situation, back when I either didn’t know better and didn’t recognize the signs early enough, or when I didn’t have a high enough self-esteem, or when I had tolerance for lame men. I don’t know what my problem was. It sucked, being nervous and afraid to call, afraid to ask but wondering whether he was seeing someone else, sleeping with other girls, because he sure doesn’t act committed to me. Wanting to welcome him by throwing my arms around his neck but afraid that would scare him off. Wanting to put my hand on his thigh, and after finally finding the courage to do so, feeling him not only not reciprocate, but stiffen under my touch. Always second-guessing, second-guessing. He didn’t call today, did I scare him off? What might I have said or done wrong yesterday to make him back off? Now I have to back off to make it okay for him to come forward. Pretend I don’t care for him as I do. Pretend he’s not important like he is. Altho the 2 guys who made me feel like this (well, mainly just one, the other one wasn’t nearly as bad) both decided they wanted to be with me and in the end it was I who left them, having gotten just exhausted from the stress, I would never again put up with this bullcrap as long as I did before. The way I see it now, I am worth more than that. If you don’t like me enough to do something about it, you’re just gonna have to miss your chance. You can admire my ass as I leave you behind. Both guys learned that the hard way, and they came running, but I was not going to be at someone’s emotional beck and call anymore.
I knew the truth, and didn’t want to tell the girl, but the truth is, he’s only with her when nothing else better comes along for the evening. He won’t even commit an evening in advance to her because just about anything else is a better option to him than her. He’s probably dating and sleeping with other women. He knows she’s that into him, he’s just playing dumb so he won’t feel responsible for breaking her heart. He’s spending all his holidays and his own birthday with people he places more importance on than her. She says they’ve made a little progress in the past year, but if it takes that long for just “a little progress,” he does not and may never like her enough. He has no respect for her and her time because she is always available to him, and she cancels her plans for him, altho he does not reciprocate in kind. She will always be #2.
I called Mr. W after talking with this girl, and dumped a bunch of love in his lap over the phone. I am so glad I am with him. I am so glad he didn’t play stupid games with me, to “keep her on her toes.” I am so glad that whatever affection I feel for him, I can give to him, and he will drink it all up with open arms and give me a kiss in return. There is no second-guessing myself, what I mean to him, how he has taken something I said or did, and no “uh-oh, I may have accidentally crossed the line when I said I like him, he’s suddenly quiet and withdrawn.” There is no substitute for peace. I am most grateful that he saw he has what I needed, and convinced me to try him on for size. I may never take him off.

In a recent post where I’d posted a highly intellectual conversation between me and James (*cough*), Jordan commented that if we posted OUR conversations, we’d lose credibility. I disagreed, since most of my and Jordan’s conversations deal with scholarly topics such as biology and anatomy. For example, there’s this one today via email:

Me:
So is there any day you’re not working this week? Aside from today, I see.

Jordan:
I had class today…. a bunch of inservices from 8-4. So… like, do you have elongated nipples or like, irregularly long ones?? I need to know.

Is the rumor true???!!!

Me:
What are elongated nipples? How about I just send you a photo? I don’t know if I’m normal cuz I haven’t examined other people’s nipples.

And then I thought, hey, I have a better source for an answer here! Mr. W was online, and he’s seen tons and tons of nipplage in his day. So I IMed him:

me: Do I have elongated nipples?
Jordan wants to know.
Sent at 2:11 PM on Wednesday
[Mr. W]: What the heck…..no, What is that?
Sent at 2:14 PM on Wednesday

Huh. I guess I don’t. There ya go, Jordan. I’m resourceful. 🙂 Altho…now I’m wondering whether my mom has elongated nipples. ACK! Stupid Jordan!! That’s just wrong! (I bet you’re all thinking about all the Asian women you know, now. You can blame Jordan.)

I have 4 divorce files sitting on my desk bar that the judge has signed and is ready to be processed and finalized by me. As I rolled the date on my file stamp to today’s date, I realize that these people are going to be divorced on Valentine’s Day. Should I not process these things today, and do them tomorrow so that it wouldn’t be finalized on V-day? Or should I give them what they probably want, anyway, which is to be single for V-day?

Here’s a cameraphone photo of my V-day tulips sitting on the bar of my desk next to the divorce files.

…that there’s a finite amount of sexiness between couples. There’s this ball, this wad of sexy, and the two people can draw from it and divide it however they do. (This is probably why I’m h0tter when I’m single.) That being said, this post is a complaint that Mr. W is stealing all the sexiness that we share! 2 weeks of ailment, 2 weeks off from the gym, and my weight’s back up. Yup, I weighed myself this evening. I’m so upset. While I’m sitting there pouting about this fact, Mr. W found an opening to tell me that his size 34s are becoming hip huggers, and he’d just recently bought the 34 jeans (down from a 36). What the heck!! So now he’s all cut with these nice abs and yoke and stuff and I’m just this puffy mushy thing! If I gain another pound, standing together with Mr. W we’ll look like the number “10”, to quote Jay Mohr. Actually, I’m small, so we’ll look more like “lo.” “Lo and behold! See the most opposite looking couple in the world! He’s tall, she’s short; he’s light, she’s dark; he’s vertical, she’s spherical!” No matter what my lungs tell me tomorrow, I’m going back to the gym. I’m gonna bring some sexy back. So there!

Some inspiration from elsewhere in my blog…

Speaking of rays of light, I’m right now in touch with Diana, who’s emailing me on her Blackberry from Cabo where she’s vacationing with Jen at the Dreams Resort.

From Diana:
Como estas? Estamos muy bien. Esperamos que tu estas aqui tambien.

Diana and Jen at los cabos

Me:
I see you have BB service at Cabo, unlike at Cancun. And you took, uh, Spanish lessons? Glad you’re enjoying yourselves there! Bring pictures back with you!

Diana:
Yep-new bb has gsm but I have barely used it, which is good. Jen took spanish so she told me what to write. It’s beautiful here but different from cancun. We are leaving in a few hrs. I don’t want to go home!

Me:
haha, you never want to come home. But you have to be back in time for V-day! =) We miss you, and we want to hear how your trip went! We want photos! Now you have something to blog about. (Like how you didn’t miss the boyfriend.) How’s the tan? It rained this past weekend, and Mike says it was raining up north for a week.

Diana:
I know-these resorts are just too comfortable. I will definitely blog.

The tan is AMAzing. All w/o a sunburn because we were slathering on spf 50 all day long. Jen has the pix so I will have to remind her about uploading.

Me:
What color is the water????

Diana:
Dark blue, like hawaii.

Me:
Maybe I’ll blog for you, sort of. I’ll refer an update on your blog to my blog.

Diana:
Ok-that works. Say that this trip is really great and totally want I needed, but very different from cancun. 🙂

“Your desk area is like a florist’s shop,” my judge warned me as I stepped off the elevator. I walked in to work after a nice 3 days off to see tulips galore! Pretty powder pink, fuschia and ivory tulips filling and pouring out of 2 vases. A little note saying simply that Mr. W loves me. I’m giddy.

And then I saw this email from Vanessa. So heartwarming I thought I’d post it here. Hope you all smile as big as I did today!

“Going Postal”
Our dog Abbey died Aug. 23, and the day after Abbey died, my 4 yr. old,
Meredith, was SO upset. She wanted to write a letter to God so that God
would recognize Abbey in heaven. She told me what to write, and I did.

Then she put 2 pictures of Abbey in the envelope. We addressed it to God in
Heaven, put two stamps on it (because, as she said, it could be a long way
to heaven). We put our return address on it, and I let her put it in the
drop box at the post office that afternoon. She was absolutely sure that
letter would get to heaven, & I wasn’t about to disillusion her.

So on Labor Day, we took the kids to the museum in Austin, and when we came
home, there was a package wrapped in gold on our front porch. It was
addressed to Meredith so, she took it inside and opened it.

Inside was a book, “When Your Pet Dies” by Mr. Rogers (Fred Rogers).On the
front cover was the letter we had written to God, in its envelope (opened).
On the opposite page was one of the pictures of Abbey taped on the page. On
the back page was the other picture of Abbey, and this handwritten note on
pink paper:

“Dear Meredith,
I know that you will be happy to find out that Abbey arrived safely and
soundly in heaven. Having the pictures you sent to me was a big help! I
recognized Abbey right away!
You know, Meredith, she isn’t sick anymore. Her spirit is here with me (just
like it stays in your heart) young and running and playing.
Abbey loved being your dog, you know. Since we don’t need our bodies in
Heaven, I don’t have any pockets to keep things in– so I am sending you
your beautiful letter back with the pictures–so that you will have this
little memory book to keep.

One of my angels is taking care of this for me. I hope this little book will
help. Thank you for your beautiful letter. Thank your mother for sending it.
What a wonderful mother you have. I picked her especially for you.

God blesses you every day and remember, I love you very much. By the way, I
am in heaven and everywhere there is love.

Signed,
God, and one of his special angels (who wrote this letter after God told HER
the words).”

How wonderful is that! I never knew there were angels working the post
office!

me: btw, see jordan’s chat box
james: Hahahahahaha nice!
you totally flooded her chat box
me: well, YOU wouldn’t do it.
james: thats cuz im a chicken.
me: bok bok!
james: CockaDooddleDooo
me: chuggaluggachuggalugga
james: Chickens do not go Chugggalgugachugalugga!!!!
me: chooo choooooo!
james: bless you
me: cockadoodledoo sounds like “choo chooo!”
and what follows “choo chooooo” IS chuggaluggachuggalugga
james: people dont go “Cockadoodldoo” when they sneeze!
me: I didn’t sneeze!
james: you said Choo!! chooo!!!
me: I didn’t say AHchoo!
choo chooooooo!
james: buttttt you see
you are the owner of dodo.
dodo says “eow” instead of “meow”
so i figure like owner like kitty
you shoudl say “chooo” instead of “achooo”
me: okay, you ‘tard.
james: 🙂
me: i’m gonna blog this.
james: actually now that i think of it… cockadoodledoo does sound like a train whistle if you say it right
yea you should blog it … I was laughing so hard over most of this conversation
Sent at 11:07 PM on Monday
me: I didn’t even crack a smile. You’re so easily entertained.
james: sigh…
oh well i tried
damnit
now i keep saying chugachugachuga
this is all your fault.

4 years each in a University of California institution of higher learning, and we almost have our barnyard sounds down.

Today, while James and I were Zaino-ing our cars, he thought to ask me why I’m not at work today. “It’s a holiday,” I said nonchalantly, wiping away.
“What holiday?”
“President’s Day.”
“What?! We don’t have President’s Day off!”
I shrugged. “I have next Monday off, too.”
“WHAT? Why?!”
“Lincoln’s Birthday or something like that.”
“Why do you get Lincoln’s birthday off?! How does Lincoln’s birthday affect you?”
“Well, the face of the American coin would be very different if it weren’t for Lincoln.”
“Oh. I guess that’s true,” he said.

My car’s nice and shiny now. That’s a pretty productive day off, even if I had to stop doing Zaino work every 15 minutes to blow my nose, or wipe off fresh bird shit. It’s weird; there were no birds overhead, but yellow streaks of poo just kept appearing! And it was hard work pushing the overhead clouds away so that sunlight comes through to dry the coats of polish. (James is convinced I have powers to control the weather, so I blew the clouds away when he complained of being cold. I sounded like this: *huffing* “awhoo! awhoo awhoo awhoo awhoo!” He seemed pretty content with that.) After we were done, I looked up and saw clouds highlighted by the dropping sun and noticed that the outline was a perfect angel, complete with wings spread and a lit halo over her head. James snapped some photos. As soon as he emails them to me, I’ll post them.

*** Addendum: Got it! Thanks, James! Believe me, people, the sight was more amazing in person.

*** Addendum #2: My childhood friend Sandy called me this evening and reaffirmed my faith in karma and the balance of the universe. There IS a God! She TOTALLY made my day. What a surreal day! =)