I didn’t take any photos this weekend. It turned out that we didn’t do any sight-seeing. On Saturday, we had a very nice breakfast out on the patio deck of the tennis club resort we were staying at, then went back to the room. As Mr. W took a nap, I went to the lobby and got on their computer to research local movies. 100-degree weather is not one to randomly wander around in and keel over from heat exhaustion. The adult pool was full as we were leaving breakfast already. I found a theatre half a mile away from our resort that was showing DaVinci Code, so I went back to the room, killed some time and then we walked by foot to the theatre. This was a great idea, since Palm Springs was pretty uncrowded so we weren’t in a line hundreds of people deep trying to see this movie (as we would have been back home), AND the theatre was large with reclining leather seats and armrests that you can lift out of the way and tuck between the seat backs. And, all movies before 6pm (I think) were only $6! The movie was pretty good. I don’t know why the reviews have been lukewarm. It stayed true to Dan Brown’s novel except on a few minor points of deviation which I agreed with. For example, the casting of Tom Hanks as the hero Robert Langdonwas odd because the character in the novel was described as young and muscle-clad, which Tom Hanks no longer is, if he ever was. So they killed the inkling of romance that the novel hinted at in the end between Robert Langdon and the young French officer Sophie Neveu.

As an aside, on the drive to work today, I found out why the reviews were so mixed. A radio personality on a local hip hop radio station did movie reviews, and if his IQ were higher than the number of appendages on his body, he wouldn’t have hated the movie so much. His complaints, after he attempted 6-7 times to even pronounce DaVinci Code correctly: “This is why I don’t go to church! It was sooo boring! There were some kids playing in the aisle, and I wanted to go play with the kids, I was so bored. There was too much talk in the movie. And there were subtitles! When I go to the movies, I don’t wanna read! But in one scene there’s subtitles when they’re speaking another language, and then in the next scene, the same characters are speaking English again. I’m like, Why can’t you just speak English through the entire movie, then? Why you gotta speak in another language and make us read subtitles? And there was this dude who was all pale, brotha needed a TAN or something, but in every other scene he’s standing there naked in front of a cross and you see his back and his ass, and he’s torturing himself! I don’t know what the hell was up with that, he needed to go out and get a tan! I don’t understand why Tom Hanks was out by himself at Biblical times, all by himself, just this one American. I don’t know what he was doing there. And there were symbols everywhere, there were symbols on the floor, on the wall, on the ceilings, all this code and symbols and stuff. I didn’t like it AT ALL.” I’m not even going to bother getting into how RETARDED this guy is, but you’ll all know if you watch the movie or have read the book.

So anyway, we were walking back to the resort from the movie theatre when we passed by a ticket store for a traveling show called “Cirque Dreams.” Mr. W is really into Cirque du Soleil stuff, so I got us tickets, even tho it’s not a Cirque du Soleil production. I thought it was gonna be a bite off of Cirque du Soleil, but it was great! Altho it’s less theatrical than Soleil shows, I think the acrobatics and stunts in this group was better, riskier, more advanced than Cirque du Soleil. Plus, this troupe was more male-dominated, which fit in with the sexual orientation makeup of current Palm Springs well, and men are just stronger and can do more stuff than women. We caught their last show, they’re now traveling out of state.

Sunday, since we had just a good experience with DaVinci Code, we walked to the same theatre to catch Over the Hedge. That movie got a few chuckles out of me. It was clever and funny and witty, with some big names on the cast (Bruce Willis, Wanda Sykes, Avril Lavigne off the top of my head). It still maintained the feel-good moral-learned end of any movie aimed at kids. I’m not sure how I feel about the fact that the plot wasn’t darker.

It was weird to leave such bright and sunny weather that required misters to spray off of restaurant ceilings onto the poor parched sidewalk-trudging pedestrians, and drive into cold overcast Los Angeles threatening to rain.

Our room balconies (one off the bedroom, another off the living room) opens into the rocky cliffs of a mountain. We’re awaiting the breakfast thing to open and I found free internet access off of 2 computers in the lobby. Hi, people! It’s hot and muggy here. I get to sit around in flip flops and a tanktop. I hear LA is cold and rainy. Sorry! =D
I have no idea what we’re gonna do today. But I slept well last nite. Lotsa dreams and stuff.
I just looked out the glass wall next to me toward the rocky cliffside and can see the top half of a translucent moon. I’ve gotta take that photo! Be back, hopefully, w/photos.

I’m working through lunch to get my work done so I can leave early today. Mr. W and I are going to Palm Springs for the weekend! It was such an impromptu thing that I still need to rush home and pack before we sit with the other pissed off people trying to get their cars to go east-bound. I’m bringing my own camera this time. Last year when we went, I figured I didn’t need a camera since he was bringing his, and during a hike we both ran back and forth and climbed up and down borrowing and handing back his camera as our artsy fartsy sides saw scene after scene of potentially great photo material. It’s supposed to be overcast and rainy this weekend at home, so we’ll see how it is in the near-desert. Hopefully I’ll get a chance to see some property out there I could buy for seasonal rentals, give myself another tax deduction and alternate income.

I just deleted 149 spam messages and trackbacks. I thought I disabled trackbacks! 149!!! I should make a list of all the companies and hotels (yes, like 40 today from HOTELS now) that have spammed my blog and never, ever patronize them.

Children of the 80s may remember an old commercial with the jingle “I wanna be like Mike” sung in children’s voices. I can’t remember what commercial it was…milk comes to mind for some reason. Or, like, Flintstone vitamins or something. Maybe it’s for a growth ad. And I’m not even sure which Mike they’re referring to. Michael Jordan, maybe?

Anyway, my point is, ever since Mike set up the numeric verification to comment on my site, I have not had ONE spam comment! I came back from lunch and my inbox was exactly as I’d left it! YAY! Mike is neat-o!

I just deleted 120+ spam links made on my comments since last night and as I was doing that, more came in! TWO JUST CAME IN AS I WAS TYPING THAT SENTENCE! This is ridiculous. Mike! MIIIIIIIIKE!

But on the happier front, I’m delighted to report that last nite, I did indeed get all my 4 wishes in my prayer.
[another spam comment comes in here] A friend called me back, I got lots of supportive talks and hugs and inappropriate comments in jujitsu, Mr. W even called me at 10p, an hour after his usual bedtime, and didn’t seem to have a reason for calling (I was SHOCKED to get a call from him) and Vanessa was home when I got home so we got to hang out until I fell asleep in front of the TV and decided to go up to bed. Oh, and I also changed my bedsheets to my soothing mint-colored summer sateen, so that may have something to do with the fact that I feel less gnawing in my guts today. It’s too bad [another spam comment comes in here] that moments [another spam comment comes in here] of internal peace like this are so limited these days. I’m tired from always being at the edge of depression and having to grit my teeth through the nausea [another spam comment comes in here] [another spam comment comes in here] in order to fight myself out of it. [5 more spam comments come in here!! The spam filter’s not catching even 10% of them!]

MIKE!!!!!!!

This evening, as I continue my day-long search to find where I belong, what puzzle my odd shape fits into to make a picture that would finally make sense to me, I wish for…

…friendship…
little pine cones in it together

…different perspectives…
looking up

…personal growth…
different stages of blossoming

…and a faithful partnership.
pair of swans and pair of ducks in their beautifully landscaped home

I’ve been pulled out of my courtroom to handle a specialized courtroom down the hall that the floater clerks either can’t or aren’t willing to do. So they’ve put a very qualified criminal clerk in my courtroom to handle the child molestation/rape trial that started yesterday. I’ve been haywire for a couple of days now, and all I can do to try to pull myself out is constantly talking myself out of feeling bad. ‘My life is fine, it’s only one aspect that’s uncomfortable, the negative drama stuff is out of my control and not about me, and I can always take some drastic measures if I see the need, everything else is fine,’ etc. Logic has not been dictating my emotions. I’m miserable. I’m lost. I’m scared. I’m nauseated and exhausted.

And then earlier, a law clerk in this department brought her two new calico kittens to visit us. She’d gone home early to pick them up from the groomer’s who was getting the kitties ready for their adoption today, and their new mommy decided to swing back and introduce “Scout” and “Gabby” to us first. They are the cutest tiny things! Scout seems to be a runt, and I picked her up and held her. She purred immediately and curled into my arm, against my body. As she got braver, she put two tiny pink-padded paws on my chest and pushed herself up from my forearm and as I delighted in her curiosity, she touched the tip of her small pink and brown nose to mine in a little kitty kiss. Everyone started cooing and awwwing. “She really likes you!” the court reporter said, as she held the slightly older and furrier Gabby. Gabby was clearly favored as she was prettier, and Scout’s aquamarine eyes seem to protrude a little from her small triangular face. I think she’s just young and still has a bit of the less-attractive infant cat alien look.

For a few minutes there, as I was cuddling the warm furry kitty who was poking her little head around and purring in my arms, my mind was off of my emotional issues and I was happily charmed. I’d hug Dodo like that, but he doesn’t like to be picked up and he won’t stay still when you’re petting him. I’ll give it another try later when I get home. Haha, Scout’s only the size of Dodo’s head.

I’m having an online conversation with someone about “makeup sex” and its definition. He says that “make up sex is hot rough or very slow passionate sex to make the other person either get their anger out or mellow them out.” I didn’t think of makeup sex like that. I’d always thought of it as sex you have after you make up, not sex to get someone to make up with you. I don’t think I could have sex in the middle of a fight; I’d be focused on other stuff. But after a fight I’m feeling a bit sad and lost, and I need him to show me it’s gonna be okay. I need to reconnect with him. When that person doesn’t want to reconnect with me, it makes me suddenly insecure and more lost and now I’m really, really sad.

I think I just figured out a large chunk of myself. It’s like I need closure to a fight to make sure the ugly stuff’s really gone.

Tonight, as I chase after my fleeting sanity, I wish for

tenderness…
delicate petals

…strength…
bamboo...a naturally strong and versatile wood

…self-love and acceptance of the imperfect self…
'I'm beautiful too, darn it!'

…and a sense of one-ness and belonging.
the Sunken Garden

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